Thursday, March 26, 2009

What hurts the most from a dog's Eyes

Author: Joey Pacheco

So little to Say... And so much Time...

Artist: Banksy ( http://www.banksy.co.uk )

There is always Hope ...

Artist: Banksy ( http://www.banksy.co.uk )

Kevin Carter (1960 ~ 1994)

Photographer: Kevin Carter (1960 ~ 1994)
Award: Pulitzer Prize for Feature Photography, 1994

A starving Sudanese girl who collapsed on her way to a feeding center while a vulture waited nearby (1993).

Photobucket

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

When You Divorce Me, Carry Me Out in Your Arms

Author: Unknown

When You Divorce Me, Carry Me Out in Your Arms

On my wedding day, I carried my wife in my arms. The bridal car stopped in front of our one-room flat. My buddies insisted that I carry her out of the car in my arms. So I carried her into our home. She was then plump and shy. I was a strong and happy bridegroom.

This was the scene ten years ago.

The following days were as simple as a cup of pure water: we had a kid; I went into business and tried to make more money. When the assets were steadily increasing, the affection between us seemed to ebb. She was a civil servant. Every morning we left home together and got home almost at the same time. Our kid was studying in a boarding school.

Our marriage life seemed to be enviably happy. But the calm life was more likely to be affected by unpredictable changes.

Dew came into my life.

It was a sunny day. I stood on a spacious balcony. Dew hugged me from behind. My heart once again was immersed in her stream of love. This was the apartment I bought for her.

Dew said, you are the kind of man who best draws girls' eyeballs. Her words suddenly reminded me of my wife. When we were just married, my wife said, Men like you, once successful, will be very attractive to girls.

Thinking of this, I became somewhat hesitant. I knew I had betrayed my wife. But I couldn't help doing so.

I moved Dew's hands aside and said you go to select some furniture, O.K.? I've got something to do in the company. Obviously she was unhappy, because I had promised to do it together with her. At the moment, the idea of divorce became clearer in my mind although it used to be something impossible to me.

However, I found it rather difficult to tell my wife about it. No matter how mildly I mentioned it to her, she would be deeply hurt.

Honestly, she was a good wife. Every evening she was busy preparing dinner. I was sitting in front of the TV. The dinner was ready soon. Then we watched TV together. Or, I was lounging before the computer, visualizing Dew's body. This was the means of my entertainment.

One day I said to her in a slightly joking way, suppose we divorce, what will you do? She stared at me for a few seconds without a word. Apparently she believed that divorce was something too far away from her. I couldn't imagine how she would react once she got to know I was serious.

When my wife went to my office, Dew had just stepped out. Almost all the staff looked at my wife with a sympathetic eye and tried to hide something while talking to her. She seemed to have got some hint. She gently smiled at my subordinates. But I read some hurt in her eyes.

Once again, Dew said to me, He Ning, divorce her, O.K.? Then we live together. I nodded. I knew I could not hesitate any more.

When my wife served the last dish, I held her hand. I've got something to tell you, I said. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the serious topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I'm serious. I avoided her question. This so-called answer made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man!

That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer, because my heart had gone to Dew.

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. I felt a pain in my heart. The woman who had been living ten years with me would become a stranger one day. But I could not take back what I had said.

Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer.

Late that night, I came back home after entertaining my clients. I saw her writing something at the table. I fall asleep fast. When I woke up, I found she was still there. I turned over and was asleep again.

She brought up her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but I was supposed to give her one month s time before divorce, and in the month's time we must live as normal a life as possible. Her reason was simple: our son would finish his summer vacation a month later and she didn't want him to see our marriage was broken.

She passed me the agreement she drafted, and then asked me, He Ning, do you still remember how I entered our bridal room on the wedding day? This question suddenly brought back all those wonderful memories to me. I nodded and said, I remember. You carried me in your arms, she continued, so, I have a requirement, that is, you carry me out in your arms on the day when we divorce. From now to the end of this month, you must carry me out from the bedroom to the door every morning.

I accepted with a smile. I knew she missed those sweet days and wished to end her marriage romantically.

I told Dew about my wife s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she does, she has to face the result of divorce, she said scornfully. Her words more or less made me feel uncomfortable.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. We even treated each other as a stranger. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly, Let us start from today, don't tell our son. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for a bus, I drove to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. We were so close that I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this intimate woman carefully for a long time. I found she was not young any more. There were some fine wrinkles on her face.

On the third day, she whispered to me, the outside garden is being demolished. Be careful when you pass there.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to feel that we were still an intimate couple and I was holding my sweetheart in my arms. The visualization of Dew became vague.

On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me something, such as, where she put the ironed shirts, I should be careful while cooking, etc. I nodded. The sense of intimacy was even stronger. I didn't tell Dew about this.

I felt it was easier to carry her. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. I said to her, It seems not difficult to carry you now. She was picking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her out. She tried quite a few but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I smiled. But I suddenly realized that it was because she was thinner that I could carry her more easily, not because I was stronger. I knew she had buried all the bitterness in her heart. Again, I felt a sense of pain. Subconsciously I reached out a hand to touch her head.

Our son came in at the moment. Dad, it's time to carry mum out. He said. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had been an essential part of his life. She gestured our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face because I was afraid I would change my mind at the last minute. I held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly, as if we came back to our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad.

On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. She said, actually I hope you will hold me in your arms until we are old.

I held her tightly and said, both you and I didn't notice that our life lacked intimacy.

I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my decision. I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door. I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I won't divorce. I'm serious.

She looked at me, astonished. The she touched my forehead. You got no fever. She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I can only say sorry to you, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of life, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I understand that since I carried her into the home, she gave birth to our child, I am supposed to hold her until I am old. So I have to say sorry to you.

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove to the office.

When I passed the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet for my wife which was her favorite. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until we are old.

Monday, March 23, 2009

What happened to all the nice guys?

Author: Unknown

What happened to all the nice guys?

The answer is simple: you did.

See, if you think back, really hard, you might vaguely remember a Platonic guy pal who always seemed to want to spend time with you. He'd tag along with you when you went shopping, stop by your place for a movie when you were lonely but didn't feel like going out, or even sit there and hold you while you sobbed and told him about how horribly the (other) guy that you were farking treated you.

At the time, you probably joked with your girlfriends about how he was a little puppy dog, always following you around, trying to do things to get you to pay attention to him. They probably teased you because they thought he had a crush on you. Given that his behavior was, admittedly, a little pathetic, you vehemently denied having any romantic feelings for him, and buttressed your position by claiming that you were "just friends." Besides, he totally wasn't your type. I mean, he was a little too short, or too bald, or too fat, or too poor, or didn't know how to dress himself, or basically be or do any of the things that your tall, good-looking, fit, rich, stylish boyfriend at the time pulled off with such ease.

Eventually, your Platonic buddy drifted away, as your relationship with the boyfriend got more serious and spending time with this other guy was, admittedly, a little weird, if you werent dating him. More time passed, and the boyfriend eventually cheated on you, or became boring, or you realized that the things that attracted you to him weren't the kinds of things that make for a good, long-term relationship.

You ignored the nice guy. You used him for emotional intimacy without reciprocating, in kind, with physical intimacy. You laughed at his consideration and resented his devotion. You valued the aloof boyfriend more than the attentive "just-a-" friend. Eventually, he took the hint and moved on with his life. He probably came to realize, one day, that women aren't really attracted to guys who hold doors open; or make dinners just because; or buy you a Christmas gift that you mentioned, in passing, that you really wanted five months ago; or listen when you're upset; or hold you when you cry. He came to realize that, if he wanted a woman like you, he'd have to act more like the boyfriend that you had. He probably cleaned up his look, started making some money, and generally acted like more of an asshole than he ever wanted to be.

Fact is, now, he's probably getting laid, and in a way, your ultimate rejection of him is to thank for that. And I'm sorry that it took the complete absence of "nice guys" in your life for you to realize that you missed them and wanted them. Most women will only have a handful of nice guys stumble into their lives, if that.
I suppose the other possibility is that you STILL don't really want a nice guy, but you feel the social pressure to at least appear to have matured beyond your infantile taste in men. In which case, you might be in luck, because the nice guy you claim to want has, in reality, shed his nice guy mantle and is out there looking to unleash his cynicism and resentment onto someone just like you.

If you were five years younger.

So, please: either stop misrepresenting what you want, or own up to the fact that you've farked yourself over. You're getting older, after all. It's time to excise the bullsh!t and deal with reality. You didn't want a nice guy then, and he certainly doesn't farking want you, now.

Sincerely,
A Recovering Nice Guy

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Shame & Guilt

Source: Hiebert, Paul G., Anthropological Insights for Missionaries, Grand Rapids: Baker Book House, 1985

Shame
Personal desires are sunk in the collective expectation. Those who fail will often turn their aggression against themselves instead of using violence against others. By punishing themselves they maintain their self- respect before others, for shame cannot be relieved, as guilt can be, by confession and atonement. Shame is removed and honor restored only when a person does what the society expects of him or her in the situation, including committing suicide if necessary. (Hiebert 1985, 212)

Guilt
Guilt is a feeling that arises when we violate the absolute standards of morality within us, when we violate our conscience. A person may suffer from guilt although no one else knows of his or her misdeed; this feeling of guilt is relieved by confessing the misdeed and making restitution. True guilt cultures rely on an internalized conviction of sin as the enforcer of good behavior, not, as shame cultures do, on external sanctions. Guilt cultures emphasize punishment and forgiveness as ways of restoring the moral order; shame cultures stress self denial and humility as ways of restoring the social order. (Hiebert 1985, 213)

Friday, March 20, 2009

Lost Generation

Author: metroamv

Truth

Advertising Agency: SAVAGLIO\TBWA
Awards: Cannes Lions Contest 2006, Silver Lion

How to carve an ox

Source: Chuang Tzu
Translated by: Burton Watson

Cook Ting was cutting up an ox for Lord Wen-hui. At every touch of his hand, every heave of his shoulder, every move of his feet, every thrust of his knee-zip! zoop! He slithered the knife along with a zing, and all was in perfect rhythm, as though he were performing the dance of the Mulberry Grove or keeping time to the Ching-shou music.

"Ah, this is marvelous!" said Lord Wen-hui. "Imagine skill reaching such heights!"

Cook Ting laid down his knife and replied, "What I care about is the Way, which goes beyond skill. When I first began cutting up oxen, all I could see was the ox itself. After three years I no longer saw the whole ox. And now-now I go at it by spirit and don't look with my eyes, Perception and understanding have come to a stop and spirit moves where it wants. I go along with the natural makeup, strike in the big hollows, guide the knife through the big openings, and follow things as they are. So I never touch the smallest ligament or tendon, much less a main joint.

"A good cook changes his knife once a year-because he cuts. A mediocre cook changes his knife once a month-because he hacks. I've had this knife of mine for nineteen years and I've cut up thousands of oxen with it, and yet the blade is as good as thought it had just come from the grindstone. There are spaces between the joints, and the blade of the knife has really no thickness into such spaces, then there's plenty of room-more than enough for the blade to play about in. That's why after nineteen years the blade of my knife is still as good as when it first came from the grindstone."

"However, whenever I come to a complicated place, I size up the difficulties, tell myself to watch out and be careful, keep my eyes on what I'm doing, work very slowly, and move the knife with the greatest subtlety until-flop! the whole thing comes apart like a clod of earth crumbling to the ground. I stand there holding the knife and look all around me, completely satisfied and reluctant to move on, and then I wipe off the knife and put it away."

"Excellent!" said Lord Wen-hui. "I have heard the words of Cook Ting and learned how to care for life!"

Making all things equal

Source: Chuang Tzu
Translated by: Burton Watson

Now let me ask you some questions.

If a man sleeps in a damp place, his back aches and he ends up half paralyzed, but is this true of a loach? If he lives in a tree, he is terrified and shakes with fright, but is this true of a monkey?

Of these three creatures, then, which one knows the proper place to live?

Men eat the flesh of grass-fed and grain-fed animals, deer eat grass, centipedes find snakes tasty, and hawks and falcons relish mice.

Of these four, which knows how food ought to taste?

Monkeys pair with monkeys, deer go out with deer, and fish play around with fish. Men claim that Mao-chi'iang and Lady Li were beautiful, but if fish saw them they would dive to the bottom of the stream, if birds saw them they would fly away, and if deer saw them they would break into a run.

Of these four, which knows how to fix the standard of beauty for the world?

The way I see it, the rules of benevolence and righteousness and the paths of right and wrong are all hopelessly snarled and jumbled. How could I know anything about such discriminations?"

Three in the morning

Source: Chuang Tzu
Translated by: Burton Watson

But to wear out your brain trying to make things into one without realizing that they are all the same-this is called "three in the morning." What do I mean by "three in the morning"? When the monkey trainer was handing out acorns, he said, "You get three in the morning and four at night," This made all the monkeys furious. "Well, then," he said, "you get four in the morning and three at night." The monkeys were all delighted.

There was no change in the reality behind the words, and yet the monkeys responded with joy and anger. Let them, if they want to. So the sage harmonizes with both right and wrong and rests in Heaven the Equalizer. This is called walking two roads.

What can I do with an old tree?

Source: Chuang Tzu
Translated by: Burton Watson

Hui Tzu said to Chuang Tzu, "I have a big tree named ailanthus. Its trunk is too gnarled and bumpy to apply a measuring line to, its branches too bent and twisty to match up to a compass or square. You could stand it by the road and no carpenter would look at it twice. Your words, too, are big and useless, and so everyone alike spurns them!"

Chuang Tzu said, "Maybe you've never seen a wildcat or a weasel. It crouches down and hides, watching for something to come along. It leaps and races east and west, not hesitating to go high or low-until it falls into the trap and dies in the net. Then again there's the yak, big as a cloud covering the sky. It certainly knows how to be big, though it doesn't know how to catch rats. Now you have this big tree and you're distressed because it's useless. Why don't you plant it in Not-Even-Anything Village, or the field of Broad-and-Boundless, relax and do nothing by its side, or lie down for a free and easy sleep under it? Axes will never shorten its life, nothing can ever harm it. If there's no use for it, how can it come to grief or pain?"

How can I use a gourd?

Source: Chuang Tzu
Translated by: Burton Watson

Hui Tzu said to Chuang Tzu, "The king of Wei gave me some seeds of a huge gourd. I planted them, and when they grew up, the fruit was big enough to hold five piculs. I tried using it for a water container, but it was so heavy I couldn't lift it. I split it in half to make dippers, but they were so large and unwieldy that I couldn't dip them into anything. It's not that the gourds weren't fantastically big-but I decided they were no use and so I smashed them to pieces."

Chuang Tzu said, "You certainly are dense when it comes to using big things! In Sung there was a man who was skilled at making a salve to prevent chapped hands, and generation after generation his family made a living by bleaching silk in water, A traveler heard about the salve and offered to buy the prescription for a hundred measures of gold. The man called everyone to a family council. 'For generations we've been bleaching silk and we've never made more than a few measures of gold,' he said. 'Now if we sell our secret, we can make a hundred measures in one morning. Let's let him have it!"

The traveler got the salve and introduced it to the king of Wu, who was having trouble with the state of Yueh. The king put the man in charge of his troops, and that winter they fought a naval battle with the men of Yueh and gave them a bad beating. A portion of the conquered territory was awarded to the man as a fief.

The salve had the power to prevent chapped hands in either case; but one man used it to get a fief, while the other one never got beyond silk bleaching-because they used it in different ways. Now you had a gourd big enough to hold five piculs. Why didn't you think of making it into a great tub so you could go floating around the rivers and lakes, instead of worrying because it was too big and unwieldy to dip into things! Obviously you still have a lot of underbrush in your head!"

Where is the Tao?

Source: Chuang Tzu
Translated by: Burton Watson

Master Tung-kuo asked Chuang Tzu, "This thing called the Way-where does it exist?"

Chuang Tzu said, "There's no place it doesn't exist."

"Come," said Master Tung-kuo, "you must be more specific!"

"It is in the ant."

"As low a thing as that?"

"It is in the panic grass."

"But that's lower still!"

"It is in the tiles and shards."

"How can it be so low?"

"It is in the piss and shit."

Three Questions

Originally: "Три вопроса (Russian)" by Leo Tolstoy
Translated by: L. and A. Maude

IT once occurred to a certain king, that if he always knew the right time to begin everything; if he knew who were the right people to listen to, and whom to avoid, and, above all, if he always knew what was the most important thing to do, he would never fail in anything he might undertake.

And this thought having occurred to him, he had it proclaimed throughout his kingdom that he would give a great reward to any one who would teach him what was the right time for every action, and who were the most necessary people, and how he might know what was the most important thing to do.

And learned men came to the King, but they all answered his questions differently.

In reply to the first question, some said that to know the right time for every action, one must draw up in advance, a table of days, months and years, and must live strictly according to it. Only thus, said they, could everything be done at its proper time. Others declared that it was impossible to decide beforehand the right time for every action; but that, not letting oneself be absorbed in idle pastimes, one should always attend to all that was going on, and then do what was most needful. Others, again, said that however attentive the King might be to what was going on, it was impossible for one man to decide correctly the right time for every action, but that he should have a Council of wise men, who would help him to fix the proper time for everything.

But then again others said there were some things which could not wait to be laid before a Council, but about which one had at once to decide whether to undertake them or not. But in order to decide that one must know beforehand what was going to happen. It is only magicians who know that; and, therefore in order to know the right time for every action, one must consult magicians.

Equally various were the answers to the second question. Some said, the people the King most needed were his councillors; others, the priests; others, the doctors; while some said the warriors were the most necessary.

To the third question, as to what was the most important occupation: some replied that the most important thing in the world was science. Others said it was skill in warfare; and others, again, that it was religious worship.

All the answers being different, the King agreed with none of them, and gave the reward to none. But still wishing to find the right answers to his questions, he decided to consult a hermit, widely renowned for his wisdom.

The hermit lived in a wood which he never quitted and he received none but common folk. So the King put on simple clothes, and before reaching the hermit's cell dismounted from his horse, and, leaving his bodyguard behind, went on alone.

When the King approached, the hermit was digging the ground in front of his hut. Seeing the King, he greeted him and went on digging. The hermit was frail and weak, and each time he stuck his spade into the ground and turned a little earth, he breathed heavily.

The King went up to him and said: 'I have come to you, wise hermit, to ask you to answer three questions: How can I learn to do the right thing at the right time? Who are the people I most need, and to whom should I, therefore, pay more attention than to the rest? And, what affairs are the most important and need my first attention?' The hermit listened to the King, but answered nothing. He just spat on his hand and recommenced digging.

'You are tired,' said the King, 'let me take the spade and work awhile for you.'

'Thanks!' said the hermit, and, giving the spade to the King, he sat down on the ground.

When he had dug two beds, the King stopped and repeated his questions. The hermit again gave no answer, but rose, stretched out his hand for the spade, and said:

'Now rest awhile -- and let me work a bit.'

But the King did not give him the spade, and continued to dig. One hour passed, and another. The sun began to sink behind the trees, and the King at last stuck the spade into the ground, and said:

'I came to you, wise man, for an answer to my questions. If you can give me none, tell me so, and I will return home.'

'Here comes some one running,' said the hermit, 'let us see who it is.'

The King turned round, and saw a bearded man come running out of the wood. The man held his hands pressed against his stomach, and blood was flowing from under them. When he reached the King, he fell fainting on the ground moaning feebly. The King and the hermit unfastened the man's clothing. There was a large wound in his stomach. The King washed it as best he could, and bandaged it with his handkerchief and with a towel the hermit had. But the blood would not stop flowing, and the King again and again removed the bandage soaked with warm blood, and washed and rebandaged the wound. When at last the blood ceased flowing, the man revived and asked for something to drink. The King brought fresh water and gave it to him. Meanwhile the sun had set, and it had become cool. So the King, with the hermit's help, carried the wounded man into the hut and laid him on the bed. Lying on the bed the man closed his eyes and was quiet; but the King was so tired with his walk and with the work he had done, that he crouched down on the threshold, and also fell asleep -- so soundly that he slept all through the short summer night. When he awoke in the morning, it was long before he could remember where he was, or who was the strange bearded man lying on the bed and gazing intently at him with shining eyes.

'Forgive me!' said the bearded man in a weak voice, when he saw that the King was awake and was looking at him.

'I do not know you, and have nothing to forgive you for,' said the King.

'You do not know me, but I know you. I am that enemy of yours who swore to revenge himself on you, because you executed his brother and seized his property. I knew you had gone alone to see the hermit, and I resolved to kill you on your way back. But the day passed and you did not return. So I came out from my ambush to find you, and I came upon your bodyguard, and they recognized me, and wounded me. I escaped from them, but should have bled to death had you not dressed my wound. I wished to kill you, and you have saved my life. Now, if I live, and if you wish it, I will serve you as your most faithful slave, and will bid my sons do the same. Forgive me!'

The King was very glad to have made peace with his enemy so easily, and to have gained him for a friend, and he not only forgave him, but said he would send his servants and his own physician to attend him, and promised to restore his property.

Having taken leave of the wounded man, the King went out into the porch and looked around for the hermit. Before going away he wished once more to beg an answer to the questions he had put. The hermit was outside, on his knees, sowing seeds in the beds that had been dug the day before.

The King approached him, and said:

'For the last time, I pray you to answer my questions, wise man.'

'You have already been answered!' said the hermit still crouching on his thin legs, and looking up at the King, who stood before him.

'How answered? What do you mean?' asked the King.

'Do you not see,' replied the hermit. 'If you had not pitied my weakness yesterday, and had not dug these beds for me, but had gone your way, that man would have attacked you, and you would have repented of not having stayed with me. So the most important time was when you were digging the beds; and I was the most important man; and to do me good was your most important business. Afterwards, when that man ran to us, the most important time was when you were attending to him, for if you had not bound up his wounds he would have died without having made peace with you. So he was the most important man, and what you did for him was your most important business. Remember then: there is only one time that is important -- Now! It is the most important time because it is the only time when we have any power. The most necessary man is he with whom you are, for no man knows whether he will ever have dealings with any one else: and the most important affair is, to do him good, because for that purpose alone was man sent into this life!'

Chuang Tzu and the Turtle

Source: Taoism
Translated by: Unknown

It happened that the emperor was in need of a good counsellor and, as he had heard so much about the wisdom of the Taoist, Chuang Tzu, he ordered that he be brought to the palace.

The emperor’s soldiers hunted far and wide and they finally found Chuang Tzu sitting in the shade of an old tree. They explained the emperor’s command and the old sage smiled and asked:

“There was a turtle who was sitting in a mud pool when he was captured and taken to the palace to be sacrificed there. It was, of course, a great honour but don’t you suppose he might have been happier in his pool of mud?”

“Of course.” The soldiers answered.

“Then leave me be in my pool of mud and be gone.”

The Man Who Was Scared of his Shadow

Source: Taoism
Translated by: Unknown

There was once a man who was terrified of his own shadow and lived in fear of the sound of his own footsteps. Walking along one day he entered a panic and tried to flee at top speed. But as fast as he ran, his shadow and footsteps kept up with him and made him run all the faster, until he finally collapsed of exhaustion and died.
If he had only sat down in the shade of a tree, he would no longer have have been able to see his shadow or hear his own footsteps.

The Horse Expert

Source: Taoism
Translated by: Unknown

There was once a king who decided he wanted to make a present of a new horse to his daughter and he sent for his chief advisor to ask him his opinion.

“I’m afraid I know nothing of horses,” his advisor replied when he arrived, “But I do know of man in a province not far from here who is an expert in the field. We can trust his judgement.”

The King was delighted and he sent out a dispatch right away to the expert, requesting that he wished to buy his best horse. A reply came a few days later that he had the perfect horse in mind, a black stallion of the highest quality. The king grew even more excited and began telling all his subjects about the creature that was to arrive.

When the horse finally showed up though, it turned out to be a dun-coloured mare. The king flew intro a great rage and sent for his counsellor.

“I thought you said this man was an expert on horses!” he yelled, “But he can’t even get the colour or sex right of the animal.”

“Oh, has he really gone as far as that?” the counsellor gasped in admiration, “When I knew him he was able to tell the quality of a horse from its look and posture – now he has gone beyond such exterior signs. He sees so much of the inner essence of the animal that everything else ceases to count.”

And, sure enough, the horse turned out to be of the highest standards.

The Unmoved Block

Source: Taoism
Translated by: Unknown

Once there was a stonemason carving away at a block of stone, sweating away in the sun. As his day went on, he became hotter and hotter and began to lose his temper as he swung his hammer against the chisel. He looked up impatiently at the sun and thought, if only I could be the sun instead of sweating it out down here.

Before he could complete the thought, however, something miraculous happened and he did indeed become the sun, shining up on high in the blue sky. It felt great for a little while until some clouds came along and obscured his view of the earth below. Clouds have it all, he thought, they can take away the power of the sun.

Before he knew it, he became a cloud that separated the sun from the earth and he felt the moisture of the water droplets and a delightful floating feeling. But then came a strong wind and it blew him clear across the sky and there was nothing he could do about it. Being a cloud isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, he thought, if only I could be the wind.

Naturally, he then became the wind, blowing clouds across the sky, creating ripples on lakes and bending tree branches backwards with his gusting power. But then he came upon a large stone block that he couldn’t even make tremble, no matter how hard he blew. This rock is superior to me in strength, he realised and at once became the stone block.

He felt the wind pushing against him in vain and felt content that no one could push him around any more. Yet even as he enjoyed the feeling of strength and stability that came with being a stone block, he had a rude awakening as the hammer of a stonemason came thumping down on him. He lost a fragment of stone and thought, if only I could be that stonemason, he’s got all the power…

Carrying a girl across a river

Source: Zen Buddhism
Translated by: Unknown

One day, a Buddhist Monk named I-hsiu (literary, "One Rest") took his young student to go to town to do some business. As they approached a small river, they saw a very pretty girl walking back and forth looking very concerned.

"Lady", asked I-hsiu, "you look very concerned. What is troubling you?"

"I want to cross the river to visit my dad who is very sick, but the bridge had fallen. Where is the next nearest bridge?"

"The next closest one is many miles away. But, don't worry, I will carry you across the river."

So I-hsiu carried the girl on his back and walked across the river stream. Once they reached the other side, he put her down and, saying farewell to each other, went on their ways separately.

Observing the whole thing, the young student was rather uneasy. He thought, "the Master taught us that women are man-eating tigers yet today he carried a pretty girl on his back across a river! That does not make any sense. Isn't the Lord Buddha teach us to keep a distance from a stranger girl?"

Over the next couple of month, the whole thing was still bothering him in his mind. Finally, the student could not stand it any longer and raised the issue with I-hsiu.

Upon hearing this, I-hsiu bursted into laughter: "I had put down the girl ever since I had crossed the river. You must be very tired carrying her around for the last two months!"

The Sandpiper

Author: Mary Sherman Hilbert

She was six years old when I first met her on the beach near where I live. I drive to this beach, a distance of three or four miles, whenever the world begins to close in on me. She was building a sandcastle or something and looked up, her eyes as blue as the sea.

"Hello," she said.
I answered with a nod, not really in the mood to bother with a small child.

"I'm building," she said.
"I see that. What is it?" I asked, not caring.
"Oh, I don't know, I just like the feel of sand."

That sounds good, I thought, and slipped off my shoes. A sandpiper glided by.

"That's a joy," the child said.
"It's a what?"
"It's a joy. My mama says sandpipers come to bring us joy."

The bird went gliding down the beach.
"Good-bye joy,"
I muttered to myself, "hello pain," and turned to walk on.

I was depressed; my life seemed completely out of balance.

"What's your name?" She wouldn't give up.
"Robert," I answered. "I'm Robert Peterson."

"Mine's Wendy... I'm six."
"Hi, Wendy." She giggled.
"You're funny," she said.

In spite of my gloom I laughed too and walked on. Her musical giggle followed me.

"Come again, Mr. P," she called. "We'll have another happy day."

The days and weeks that followed belonged to others: a group of unruly Boy Scouts, PTA meetings, an ailing mother. The sun was shining one morning as I took my hands out of the dishwater.

"I need a sandpiper," I said to myself, gathering up my coat.

The ever-changing balm of the seashore awaited me. The breeze was chilly, but I strode along, trying to recapture the serenity I needed. I had forgotten the child and was startled when she appeared....

"Hello, Mr. P," she said. "Do you want to play?"
"What did you have in mind?" I asked, with a twinge of annoyance.
"I don't know, you say."
"How about charades?" I asked sarcastically.

The tinkling laughter burst forth again.

"I don't know what that is."
"Then let's just walk." Looking at her, I noticed the delicate fairness of her face.
"Where do you live?" I asked.
"Over there." She pointed toward a row of summer cottages.

Strange, I thought, in winter.
"Where do you go to school?"
"I don't go to school. Mommy says we're on vacation." She chattered little girl talk as we strolled up the beach, but my mind was on other things. When I left for home, Wendy said it had been a happy day. Feeling surprisingly better, I smiled at her and agreed.

Three weeks later, I rushed to my beach in a state of near panic. I was in no mood to even greet Wendy. I thought I saw her mother on the porch and felt like demanding she keep her child at home.

"Look, if you don't mind," I said crossly when Wendy caught up with me, "I'd rather be alone today."

She seemed unusually pale and out of breath.
"Why?" she asked.
I turned to her and shouted, "Because my mother died!" and thought, my God, why was I saying this to a little child?

"Oh," she said quietly, "then this is a bad day."
"Yes," I said, "and yesterday and the day before and-oh, go away!"

"Did it hurt? " she inquired.
"Did what hurt?" I was exasperated with her, with myself.
"When she died?" "Of course it hurt!!!!" I snapped, misunderstanding, wrapped up in myself. I strode off.

A month or so after that, when I next went to the beach, she wasn't there. Feeling guilty, ashamed and admitting to myself I missed her, I went up to the cottage after my walk and knocked at the door. A drawn looking young woman with honey-colored hair opened the door.

"Hello," I said. "I'm Robert Peterson. I missed your little girl today and wondered where she was."

"Oh yes, Mr. Peterson, please come in. Wendy spoke of you so much. I'm afraid I allowed her to bother you. If she was a nuisance, please, accept my apologies." "Not at all - she's a delightful child," I said, suddenly realizing that I meant it.
"Where is she?"
"Wendy died last week, Mr. Peterson. She had leukemia. Maybe she didn't tell you."

Struck dumb, I groped for a chair. My breath caught.
"She loved this beach; so when she asked to come, we couldn't say no. She seemed so much better here and had a lot of what she called happy days. But the last few weeks, she declined rapidly..." her voice faltered. "She left something for you ... if only I can find it. Could you wait a moment while I look?"

I nodded stupidly, my mind racing for something, anything, to say to this lovely young woman. She handed me a smeared envelope, with MR. P printed in bold, childish letters. Inside was a drawing in bright crayon hues - a yellow beach, a blue sea, and a brown bird.

Underneath was carefully printed:
A SANDPIPER TO BRING YOU JOY.

Tears welled up in my eyes, and a heart that had almost forgotten to love opened wide. I took Wendy's mother in my arms.
"I'm so sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," I muttered over and over, and we wept together.

The precious little picture is framed now and hangs in my study.

Six Words - one for each year of her life - that speak to me of harmony, courage, undemanding love. A gift from a child with sea-blue eyes and hair the color of sand - who taught me the gift of love.

-------------------
"Several years ago, a neighbor related to me an experience that happened to her one winter on a beach in Washington State. The incident stuck in my mind and I took note of what she said. Later, at a writers' conference, the conversation came back to me and I felt I had to set it down. Here is her story, as haunting to me now as when I first heard it "

~ Mary Sherman Hilbert

Christmas Shoes

Inspired by: "Golden Shoes for Jesus" by Helga Schmidt
Original Song by: NewSong

Christmas Shoes

It was almost Christmas time, there I stood in another line
Tryin' to buy that last gift or two, not really in the Christmas mood
Standing right in front of me was a little boy waiting anxiously
Pacing 'round like little boys do
And in his hands he held a pair of shoes

His clothes were worn and old, he was dirty from head to toe
And when it came his time to pay
I couldn't believe what I heard him say

[Chorus:]
Sir, I want to buy these shoes for my Mama, please
It's Christmas Eve and these shoes are just her size
Could you hurry, sir, Daddy says there's not much time
You see she's been sick for quite a while
And I know these shoes would make her smile
And I want her to look beautiful if Mama meets Jesus tonight

He counted pennies for what seemed like years
Then the cashier said, "Son, there's not enough here"
He searched his pockets frantically
Then he turned and he looked at me
He said Mama made Christmas good at our house Though most years she just did without
Tell me Sir, what am I going to do,
Somehow I've got to buy her these Christmas shoes

So I laid the money down, I just had to help him out
I'll never forget the look on his face when he said
Mama's gonna look so great

Sir, I want to buy these shoes for my Mama, please
It's Christmas Eve and these shoes are just her size
Could you hurry, sir, Daddy says there's not much time
You see she's been sick for quite a while
And I know these shoes would make her smile
And I want her to look beautiful if Mama meets Jesus tonight

[Bridge:]
I knew I'd caught a glimpse of heaven's love
As he thanked me and ran out
I knew that God had sent that little boy
To remind me just what Christmas is all about.

Golden Shoes for Jesus

Author: Helga Schmidt

It was only four days before Christmas. The spirit of the season had not yet caught up with me, even though cars packed the parking lot of our local discount store. Inside the store was worse. Shopping carts and last-minute shoppers jammed the aisles.

Buying for someone who had everything and deploring the high cost of items, I considered gift buying anything but fun.

Hurriedly, I filled my shopping cart with last-minute items and proceeded to the long checkout lines. I picked the shortest, but it looked as if it would mean at least a 20 minutes wait.

In front of me were two small children - a boy of about five and a slightly younger girl. She carried a beautiful pair of shiny, gold house-slippers. As the Christmas music sounded in the store's stereo system, the small girl hummed along, off-key, but happily.

When we finally approached the checkout register, the girl carefully placed the shoes on the counter. She treated them as though they were a treasure.

The clerk rang up the bill. "That will be $6.09," she said.

The boy laid his crumpled bills atop the stand while he searched his pockets. He finally came up with $3.12. "I guess we'll have to put them back," he bravely announced. "We'll come back some other time, maybe tomorrow."

With that statement, a soft sob broke from the little girl. "But Jesus would have loved those shoes." she cried.

"Well, we'll go home and work some more. Don't cry, we'll come back." he assured her.

Quickly I handed $3.00 to the clerk. These children waited in line for a long time. And after all, it was Christmas.

Suddenly a pair of arms came around me and a small voice said, "Thank you lady."

"What did you mean when you said Jesus would like the shoes?" I asked.

The boy answered, "Our mommy is sick and going to heaven. Daddy said she might go before Christmas to be with Jesus."

The girl spoke, "My sunday school teacher said the streets up in heaven are shiny gold, just like these slippers. Won't my mommy be beautiful walking on those streets to match these shoes?"

My eyes flooded as I looked into her tear-streaked face. "Yes," I answered, "I'm sure she will."

Silently I thanked God for using these children to remind me of the true spirit of giving.

Somehow, not only for Christmas
But all the long year through
The joy that you give to others
Is the joy that comes back to you

The Doll and the White Rose

Inspired by: "Roses for Mama" by C.w. Mccall
Re-written by: V.A.Bailey (Unconfirmed)

The Doll and the White Rose

I hurried into the local department store to grab some last minute Christmas gifts. I looked at all the people and grumbled to myself. I would be in here forever and I just had so much to do. Christmas was beginning to become such a drag. I kinda wished that I could just sleep through Christmas. But I hurried the best I could through all the people to the toy department. Once again I kind of mumbled to myself at the prices of all these toys. And wondered if the grandkids would even play with them.

I found myself in the doll aisle. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a little boy about 5 holding a lovely doll. He kept touching her hair and he held her so gently. I could not seem to help myself. I just kept looking over at the little boy and wondered who the doll was for. I watched him turn to a woman and he called his aunt by name and said, "Are you sure I don't have enough money"

She replied a bit impatiently, "You know that you don't have enough money for it. The aunt told the little boy not to go anywhere that she had to go get some other things and would be back in a few minutes. And then she left the aisle.

The boy continued to hold the doll. After a bit I ask the boy who the doll was for. He said, "it is the doll my sister wanted so badly for Christmas. She just knew that Santa would bring it." I told him that maybe Santa was going to bring it. He said "No, Santa can't go where my sister is" "I have to give the doll to my Momma to take to her". I ask him where his sister was. He looked at me with the saddest eyes and said "She has gone to be with Jesus. My Daddy says that Momma is going to have to go be with her". My heart nearly stopped beating. Then the boy looked at me again and said, "I told my Daddy to tell Momma not to go yet. I told him to tell her to wait till I got back from the store"

Then he ask me if I wanted to see his picture. I told him I would love to. He pulled out some pictures he'd had taken at the front of the store. He said "I want my Momma to take this with her so she don't ever forget me. I love my Momma so very much and I wish she did not have to leave me. But Daddy says she will need to be with my sister."

I saw that the little boy had lowered his head and had grown so very quiet.
While he was not looking I reached into my purse and pulled out a hand full of bills. I ask the little boy, "Shall we count that money one more time?"

He grew excited and said , "Yes, I just know it has to be enough" So I slipped my money in with his and we began to count it. And of course it was plenty for the doll. He softly said, "Thank you Jesus for giving me enough money."

Then the boy said I just asked Jesus to give me enough money to buy this doll so Momma can take it with her to give to my sister." "And he heard my prayer"
"I wanted to ask him for enough to buy my Momma a white rose, but I didn't ask him, but he gave me enough to buy the doll and a rose for my Momma."

"She loves white roses so very very much"

In a few minutes the aunt came back and I wheeled my cart away. I could not keep from thinking about the little boy as I finished my shopping in a totally different spirit than when I had started. And I kept remembering a story I had seen in the newspaper several days earlier about a drunk driver hitting a car and killing a little girl and the Mother was in serious condition.

The family was deciding on whether to remove the life support. Now surely this little boy did not belong with that story.

Two days later I read in the paper where the family had disconnected the life support and the young woman had died. I could not forget the little boy and just kept wondering if the two were somehow connected. Later that day, I could not help myself and I went out and bought some white roses and took them to the funeral home where the young woman was. And there she was holding a lovely white rose, the beautiful doll, and the picture of the little boy in the store. I left there in tears, my life changed forever. The love that little boy had for his little sister and his mother was over whelming.

And in a split second a drunk driver had ripped the life of that little boy to pieces.

Roses for Mama

Original Song by: C.W. McCall

Roses for Mama

[Spoken]

Well, I had two weeks vacation comin', so I thought I'd drive down to Florida: spend some time with an old friend, date a few girls, make a few parties, and just kinda live it up again.

So I packed up my car, and then I called my Mom in Tennesee, and told her what I planned to do. She said, "Son, are you comin' by?" And I said, "Mom, I'm really pushed for time, but I'll see you in a week or two."

And I was drivin' through this little town in Georgia when I remembered: today's Mama's birthday. Well, I thought I'll just stop and wire some flowers. Shouldn't take too long; then I'll be on my way.

So I walked in a flower shop and the first thing I saw was this little boy, with his eyes full a' tears. I said, "What's wrong, son?" He said, "Mama loves roses. And today's her birthday, and I haven't seen her in almost a year."

[Chorus]
Roses for Mama
Today's her birthday
Roses for Mama
Today's her birthday

He said, "I live with Grandma now. But I promised Mama some roses, 'cause I talk to her all the time. I wanted to give her five, 'cause that's how old I am. But the lady said I couldn't buy 'em with just a dime."

Well, the little fella's story kind a' touched my heart, so I told the lady to give him what he wanted and charge it to me. Then I told her I needed to wire a dozen roses to my Mama, up in Chapel Hill, Tennessee.

I looked around, and the little boy was gone. But all of a sudden the door flew open and he come runnin' back in and he said, "Mister, I forgot to thank you for the roses." He smiled, he shook my hand, and ran back out again.

Well, I started on out of town. And I was feelin' real proud of myself for thinkin' of my Mama and really carin', when I looked out the window and I saw that same little boy, kneelin', by a grave in an old cemetery.

I stopped my car and walked over to where the little boy was kneelin' down. And he smiled up at me and said, "This is where my Mama stays. She says she sure does thank you for these pretty roses." Well that's when I had to walk away.

And I drove straight back to that flower shop and I said, "Lady, have you sent those flowers to Tennessee?" She said, "No, not yet." I said, "Well, nevermind. I'll just take them back with me."

[Chorus]
Roses for Mama
Today's her birthday
Roses for Mama
Today's her birthday

Story of Ugly

Author: Unknown

Ugly


This is a story about a cat named 'Ugly' with an inner BEAUTY that only those that care,can see.

I pray that one day you too ... will wish to be 'Ugly'.

Ugly ...

Everyone in the apartment complex I lived in knew who Ugly was. Ugly was the resident tomcat. Ugly loved three things in this world ... fighting, eating garbage, and shall we say ... love. The combination of these things combined with a life spent outside had their effect on Ugly.

To start with, he had only one eye, and where the other should have been was a gaping hole.He was also missing his ear on the same side.

His left foot has appeared to have been badly broken at one time, and had healed at an unnatural angle, making him look like he was always turning the corner.

His tail has long been lost, leaving only the smallest stub, which he would constantly jerk and twitch.

Ugly would have been a dark gray tabby striped-type, except for the sores covering his head, neck, even his shoulders with thick, yellowing scabs.

Every time someone saw Ugly there was the same reaction. "That's one UGLY cat!!"All the children were warned not to touch him.

The adults threw rocks at him, hosed him down, squirted him when he tried to come in their homes, or shut his paws in the door when he would not leave. Ugly always had the same reaction.

If you turned the hose on him, he would stand there, getting soaked until you gave up and quit.

If you threw things at him, he would curl his lanky body around his feet in
forgiveness.

Whenever he spied children, he would come running meowing frantically and bump his head against their hands, begging for their love.

If you ever picked him up he would immediately begin suckling on your shirt, earrings, whatever he could find.

One day Ugly shared his love with the neighbors huskies. They did not respond kindly, and Ugly was badly mauled. From my apartment I could hear his screams, and I tried to rush to his aid.

By the time I got to where he was laying, it was apparent Ugly's sad life was almost at an end.

Ugly lay in a wet circle, his back legs and lower back twisted grossly out of shape, a gaping tear in the white strip of fur that ran down his front.

As I picked him up and tried to carry him home I could hear him wheezing and gasping, and could feel him struggling. I must be hurting him terribly I thought.

Then I felt a familiar tugging, sucking sensation on my ear. Ugly, in so much pain, suffering and obviously dying was trying to suckle my ear.

I pulled him closer to me, and he bumped the palm of my hand with his head, then he turned his one golden eye towards me, and I could hear the distinct sound of purring.

Even in the greatest pain, that ugly battled-scarred cat was asking only for a little affection, perhaps some compassion.

At that moment I thought Ugly was the most beautiful, loving creature I had ever seen.

Never once did he try to bite or scratch me, or even try to get away from me, or struggle in any way.

Ugly just looked up at me completely trusting in me to relieve his pain.

Ugly died in my arms before I could get inside, but I sat and held him for a long time afterwards, thinking about how one scared, deformed little stray could so alter my opinion about what it means to have true pureness of spirit, to love so totally and truly.

Ugly taught me more about giving and compassion than a thousand books, lectures, or talk show specials ever could, and for that I will always be thankful.

He had been scarred on the outside, but I was scarred on the inside, and it was time for me to move on and learn to love truly and deeply.

To give my total to those I cared for.

Many people want to be richer, more successful, well liked, beautiful, but for me ...

I will always try to be Ugly.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Dolce Vita

Originally by: 痞子蔡 ( http://www.jht.idv.tw )
Original Source: http://www.jht.idv.tw/novel/novel1-1.htm
Translated by: Unknown

--------------------
Translated Version
--------------------
Dolce Vita (French)

I met her on the net, how?

I can't remember. but it seems to me that it is this 'little theory' which I declared in the cyberspace that caught her attention.

If I have a million dollars, I would buy a house. do I have a million? No.
that's why I don't have a house.

If I have wings, I can fly. do I have wings? No. so I can never fly.

If all the waters are drawn out of Pacific Ocean, but it still can't put off the flame of love between us. Can all the waters of Pacific Ocean be drawn off? No. That's why I don't love you.

That's me, a typical science student. First you come up with an assumption, then you fit a suitable conclusion.

If the proposed assumption doesn't stand at all, then everything is just bullshit. I guess this is what they call 'unromantic'.

But she is an exception. she actually mailed me and said that I am an interesting' person.

'Interesting'? What a word to use on me, it's like using 'faithful' on Mr. Clinton. I thought this girl must be a low-IQ organism, or suffering from serious brain damage.

Anyway, her nick doesn't seems so bad -FLYNDANCE- that's quite a unique one.

But I was warning myself: hello, this is the virtual world of Internet. who knows what might be lurking behind a beautiful nick.

Talking from experience, most of the time it will be a 'dinosaur' in
disguise. The only differences will be whether it is a carnivore or a
herbivore but, I know she is way different from a 'dinosaur', she is special ....

So I guess its time for the appearance of FlyNDance.

Ever since she mailed to tell me that I am 'interesting', I was always wishing to meet her in AJCRR. Too bad, lady luck was just not on my side. So I can only reply her letter to tell her that I will start to train myself to become an 'interesting' person, just to show that she is far-sighted.

She replied my reply, I replied her reply to my reply, she again replied my reply to her reply blah blah blah... Oh no, I just started a chain-reaction.
Actually what interested me the most is this paragraph she wrote in one of the mails....

'I dance swiftly, amidst the crowd.
Your glance on me be it surprise, be it admiration, it ain't going to stop my rhythm.
Because it's not your glance that made me dance, it's my heart of youth.'
I simply cannot relate this girl to any of the 'dinosaurs'. But if she really is a dinosaur, I am willing to let her have her fill.

Tye, my best pal unfortunately, noticed my little affair with FlyNDance, and has been perpetually warning me about this.

"HELLO! You don't even know what she looks like, why take the risk?? Maybe she' is a guy!"

I can't blame Tye for his ignorance. Ever since he was dumped by Sally in Secondary 4, he has become a renowned 'playboy'.

As the saying goes: "Once bitten, Twice shy".

In this case, after Tye was bitten, he has mastered the art of skinning snakes alive, and make them into soup. But he got all the factors to be a playboy, I always think he is the 19 year-old version of Brad Pitt.

Tall, handsome and got this tongue that causes diabetes in every women he targets. I don't think he can even remember how many girlfriends he has had.


I went online that night, log onto channel AJCRR and yes!

She is there.

Before I can get over the surprise and the daze, she sent me a message.

"Hey Slorr, so late liao haven't sleep ah?"

Now what? Now what? Ok ok, I had to calm down first. I swallowed hard on my saliva, took a few deep breath.

Now where is that Tye when I needed him most at such crucial moment, somebody to tell me what to say to her. How am I going to attract her with my pathetic humor, which has gone stale.

"Slorr, me in a foul mood today. Can't sleep, you leh?"

MOTHER'S (direct translation to Chinese), what Slorr Slorr...

Now when I read it twice in a row, I am beginning to feel disgusted in that nick Tye gave me. Tye said that: "Who knows, it might attract some innocent gals in talking to you."

"I am not feeling very good too. So let's sad together."

Finally squeezed a sentence out, but I can already feel droplets of sweat forming on my forehead. Actually I am not in a bad mood, I just wanna follow up her topic that's all.

And if she ask for the reason for my feeling down, I can say:

"Since you are feeling down, how can I ever be happy?"

I know it sounds mushy, but Tye said: "MUSHINESS IS THE FUNDAMENTAL TO ALL COURTSHIP."

And gals are a very weird species, they trust their ears far more than their eyes. So instead of doing 10 things to impress her, why not just say a sentence to move her.

"Ok, but you haven't greet me leh."

DAMNIT!.. how can I forget simple manners to gals. To think they call me MR COURTEOUS' in school.

If this thing ever leaks out in school, I would lose all my female fans.

"Nice to meet you, miss long-hair."

"I've been wishing that she's keeping long hair.

Tye said that:


"FlyNDance... hmm.. she would either be long-haired or a desperado, 'COs when gals dance, only 2 parts of them may fly: hair and skirt. So if she doesn?ft has long hair, that means her skirt flies when she dances, AH-HA!!.. this has a certain sexual hint in it...haha.."

"Eh? How you know I got long hair?"

BINGO! Heaven is on my side this time. It goes to prove that she is not a DESPERADO. Yes!

"Not only that, I also know you seldom wear skirt."

I increased the stake, if I am correct this time, peace on earth forever.

"Err... I guess you are right lor. But how you know one?"

"Just guess."

"Ok lor. Hey Slorr, tell you what, me tired liao, you coming online
tomorrow morning?"

"Ya, why??"

"Please please please say the you coming too, if not I am going to kill myself for letting you go tonight. I'll see ya tomorrow at 10 am then. Good night."

"Er.. should be today at 10 am.. ok.. good night too."

I just blurted out a last sentence ....Offline.

Suddenly I was so impressed by my performance just now.

But is the season of spring really arriving for me?? I wish...............


Slorr, what a coincidence ahh"

"Yeh, I am not late."

"Ya lor, so qiao."

Girls are weird, I thought we already had an arrangement, why do I have to pretend that its not.

They must have watched too many movies, and like to think that guys they met due to the thing called 'fate' is the best thing that can happen to their love life.

"Slorr, you talking nonsense lah."

"NONSENSE? Ok, let me tell you what is nonsense. Summer's beach, the guy must be good at running, with broad shoulders, dark complexion with a tint of redness, sparkling eyes and loud laughter.

Then he will call out loud the name of the girl, running towards her, carry her and spin 3 rounds anticlockwisely."

"Slorr, you siao liaoz ahh?"

"I siao? Ok, let's change a location then. Deep in the mountains, the guy must have long hair, gotta have the look of an artist, carries a sketching stand, a few pieces of drawings, and you can see birds stop over at his side admiring his work. And there will be a girl whose the model, most probably naked."

"Slorr, but these all very romantic mah."
"ROMANTIC? Hello miss, romance only survive in novels and movies.

In real life, the guy on the beach may step onto broken glass or the girl may be too heavy which tore his arm muscles.

Birds may just clear their waste on top of the guy in the mountains, or he might get a thrashing from the girl because he comments on the excess fats around the waist and hips."

"Slorr, you hate romance?"

"I hate romance? Nope, I am just using my knowledge of statistics to get a deduction, that guys must be TALL to be romantic, not HANDSOME!!! Some love novels even portrayed the guy as normal looking, but no-one dares to challenge the height of him! I object, because I am not tall."

"?Slorr.... objection overruled..."

I think I am really outstandingly bo liao, talking to her about these until noon.

"Slorr, are you hungry?"

"Ya, you leh?"

"Yes, guess its time for lunch...Slorr.."

"Then do you think we should?"

"Slorr, I am just asking. I don't intend to have lunch with you."

"Ok, good. I am not romantic, neither are you."



I had lunch with Tye, we talk about the conversation with FlyNDance this morning.

"You moron. Told her you are not romantic, you siao ah? You have disgraced me man. How can you make such a big mistake?"

"....I...I..."

Tye grabbed a chicken wing with chopstick, and I can see the trembling of the hand and the wing.

"There are 3 'don'ts' in chasing a girl...
One, don't forget to be romantic;

Two, don't be too honest;

Three, don't be too stingy on the sugar in our speech.

In mandarin, we say 'nan ren bu huai, nu ren bu ai', you should know this."


"This I know, but it has been a controversial topic over centuries. Women aren't really that, cheap"

"So why would they only falls for 'bad guys' like me?"

"That's because 'bad guys' are usually romantic. Those 'nice guys' are usually, dumdums. So she would rather choose a romantic 'bad guy' rather than any of those dumdums. In math we call this 2C1, understand? dumdum."

Oh, Tye is talking about math! Now I understand. No wonder I have always been left on the shelf.

"In another words, gals wouldn't mind if you are not tall... if you are not handsome... they can bear with your inconsiderate acts... can forget your stupidity... but they can never forgive if you are not romantic..."

"Come on, this is so exaggerating."

"Hey, most women have a 'knot' for romance, just like most men have a 'knot for virginity. To women they just can't understand how precious the thin layer of membrane is to men. Same thing, men can't imagine how important women treats romance."

"This is bullshit! How come I've never heard of that."

"The key word is 'knot', if you can untie it, fine. But how many had actually succeeded in that. Practically none."

"Ok, fine. Now I've done it. So what should I do to remedy the situation?"

"Face it. You are hopeless already."

I promise you I'll have a drink with you when you and her are over."

You SON OF A BXXCH.

Midnight. I am trying to concentrate on my physics notes...

F=ma, v=u+at...

It's really a wonder that nature can be explained by just a few formulas and equations, and this we call science.

Then why is astrology and palmistry being labeled as superstitions?
Science should only be one of the ways to explain truth, what can't be explained by science, it doesn't necessary mean that it's unreal....

Close to 1 am. Since I can't get anything into my head, I shall try my luck on net then, maybe she is there.

"Slorr, you here."

"Finally, good night to you "

'FINALLY'? Strange word to use it here. What is she doing here at this hour? Must be feeling down again.

"Yes, it is fate that brought me to you at this moment."

I am trying very hard to convince her that I am a bit romantic.

"Slorr, nothing to do with fate. I waited for you for one hour liaoz..."

"Sure or not? For what?"

"Talk to you mah or else I can't sleep."

"You sick is it? Go see doctor lah "

"Slorr, let's continue our topic.

What do you think of relationships that began from the Internet?"

Oh my god, how should I answer her now?

"It's... it's very... romantic..."

Indeed I am not a good liar, even my words are shaking now.

"Slorr, you bluffing. You not romantic one mah."
GAME OVER. I am finished! No choice but to drink with Tye.

"Slorr, you lagging? Or just daoing me?"

"No, I am wondering why is the sky so chio tonight?"

"No no no. Don't try to shift the topic, Slorr."

Sigh. I give up. I asked for it myself.

"Actually I think relationships started from cyberspace is considered as ROMANTIC, cos romance gives people an impression of unreal, and cyberspace is virtual."

"Slorr, that's interesting."

"Surfers keep a safe distance from each other and usually 3 types of people are produced in this way.

The first type....

The first type are those who present themselves on net with their secondary personality'. Usually all of us consist of multiple personalities and in everyday life, what we present to the world is the 'primary personality', with the secondary one being suppressed, or maybe we don't even realised this other trait of us deep inside. So Internet is the place where this side of us is revealed, both intentionally or without conscious knowledge."

"Is it true? What about 2nd type?"

"The 2nd type are those who will transform themselves into the kind of man/woman he/she would want to be. There's bound to be 1 or 2 characteristics that you particularly admire, too bad, sometimes these characteristics are just couldn't be found in you. Cyberspace is the perfect location for this transformation to occur."

Slorr, you blowing cow, is it? Type 3 leh?"

"I am not blowing cow, I read it from an article of TIMES magazine! Type 3 will be those who transform themselves into characters which are impossible for them to become in real life.

For example, if you are a girl, you may act as a man on net. You may even become BATMAN or SUPERMAN if you want."

"Hmmh.. That's pretty amazing."

"The first type is the 'faithful' type, 'cos its his own personality that is being presented on net.
The 2nd type is the 'foolish' type, 'cos he knows only how to admire others always forgets his own strong points.

The 3rd type is the 'pathetic' type, 'cos he is wishing 4 some impossible."


"Slorr, then you belong to what type? Me leh?"

"I don't wish to believe you are type 3, 'cos I am not.

I crossed the possibility of type 1 'cos its too common, because I think you are special. Being able to attract you, I think I am at least a bit special. So we belong to type 2."

"Type 2, then who you wish to become? Slorr.."

I certainly would like to become a person like Tye, humorous, romantic and eloquent, 'cos these are what I am lacking of.

"Slorr, what about me?"

"you? I don't know. you want to FLY and DANCE, probably that means you wish to fully enjoy your youth while you can. But if this is something you wish yet you can't achieve, then there's 2 possibilities:

1, you are aging, 2, you are leaving the world."

I think I said something wrong, cos she didn't sent me anymore message after this. I began to blame myself for being so perverted, why talk about these things?

I should have discussed with her whether ZOE or FANN, who should be the queen of Caldecott Hill. Damn that TIMES magazine! Poisons my mind. Maybe she÷Õ lagging. So I waited... and waited. Girl, its just a few minutes, but it felt like several hours. I want to apologize, but do not know how to start, until she sent me this message:

"Slorr... let's meet..."

Without hesitation, I used the hand that I had used it over 18 years to wipe my ass, typed 'O-K'.

I am supposed to meet FlyNDance tonight , 8pm, at the entrance of McDonalds the one beside YMCA. That's the best time and place to meet a girl you have never met before, according to Tye, 'cos they would have taken their dinner by that time which means we can simply go inside the Mac and have some fries and coke.

She will be wearing a whole set of coffee theme attire and I will be wearing my usual blues, this is our way of identification.
She told me she is not those 'cute gals' I may think she is, I said never mind, I am not
Brad-pitt either. Then she told me she has long ago given up on this hope already.

"Slorr, you are early."

While I was idling, a girl tapped my shoulders from my back.

Although I was already mentally prepared for anything that's going to appear in front of me, I was still astonished by this girl who stood in front of me now.

If not for the coffee theme and that 'Slorr', I would think she is only asking for directions. She is one of those 'chio bu' that can only be found on Orchard Road, which I usually see while crossing the road. Maybe I suffered from a serious concussion due to the heavy blow, my mind was extraordinarily calm.

"Had your dinner right? I think we shall go inside the Mac first."

"You are pretty smart huh? A good way to save money indeed."

AIYA! She knows me so well, I can only give her an innocent smile back.

Since she's so pretty, I ordered 2 LARGE cokes, and even ordered TWO packets of fries.

"This time you treat, next time I'll let you treat."

I am not falling for that, miss. But I am glad she mentioned 'next time'.

"Slorr, are you disappointed when you saw me just now?"

DISSAPPOINTED? Are you drunk?

"Why do you think I will be disappointed then?"

"Cos I told you I am not cute mah, so you must be quite dissappointed when you saw me"

She is making zero-sense, but I know she is just trying to hint that she's actually cute.

"Then why did you have to lie that you are not cute?"

"Slorr. I said I am not cute. I didn't say I am not pretty."

#$%$##%^*&%$@!!!

"But you are also quite decent looking what it's not like what you described to me too."

'DECENT'? A very vague word. To many gals, decent=boring. One good thing is that she didn't lie to me about the fact that she is keeping long hair. She also has a fair complexion which reminds me of HL milk I take almost everyday.

It is now only that I found out she is from ACJC, but had spent her first 3 mths in AJ.

Sitting in front of each other, we talk about many things. From her obsession with coffee to my hobby of watching movies. BTW, she had completely shook off my misconception of 'if she is pretty, she is brainless
She appears to be an attractive girl, both physically and character wise, talking, smiling to me, occasionally being a little sarcastic and nasty.

It's like a dream.

We left the Mac at around 10 pm. Since it's still early, I decided to send her home and fortunately, it's just Ang Mo Kio, two MRT stops from mine.

I would have second thoughts if she's staying at Pasir Ris.

"Slorr, congratulations! You are officially permitted to date me from now on."

She said this before the lift door closed.

Back at home, I realized that I hadn't asked for her real name, maybe it's the influence of that stupid Tye.

Tye told me:

Never ask a pretty girl her name the first time you meet her, cos there are already too many wolves out there dying to know, so she will be more interested in you if you act bochap.
Then why didn't she ask for mine? Don't tell me there's a female version of Tye telling her not to?

It's again 1 am. Time to meet her in ajcrr.

"Hi! Slorr you tired?"

Of course I am tired after all the surprises she presented me, I would go straight for my bed if not for her. But why is she here also? Isn't she tired too?

Long time no see how are you?"

"Slorr you siao ah? 2 hours only leh... miss me?"
"A)Yes B)Of Course C)Abuden D)Dying to see you E)All of above. Answer is E.

Seems like she is really tired, even the smiling face are yawning to me right now.

"You wanna go for a movie tomorrow?"

Maybe I should ask her now, while she is half asleep, hoping that she will blur-blurly click 'OK'.

"Should be no problem. What show?."

HOOOOORAY!! I am cheering for her fatigue.

"We decide what show tomorrow. Anyway what's important is watch with who.
Not the show."

Tye's favourite line, I am just borrowing it.

"You should go sleep now lah."

"Wait one little while. You haven't tell me you tired or not?"

"Ok lah, A bit. You leh?"

"I am exhausted but have to say good night to you first. Slorr, if not I can't sleep."

"Me too."

I can't believe I am doing this SILLY business right now.

"Ok I tell you what I count 1,2,3. Then we log off together."

"Ok good night Slorr."

"Same to you"

"1..."

"2..."

"3..."

I never talk whenever I am inside a cinema, and now is the best time for my mouth to rest, so I spent the following 3 hours to admire this much-talked-about movie of the century, Titanic.

I am not a romantic person, so it's perfectly understandable if I can't really appreciate this motion picture fully, except for all those stunning special effects. But something struck me when Jack said to Rose before he sank into the deep.....

"Rose, listen to me... listen.... winning that ticket was the best thing that had happened to me... it brought me to you....and I am thankful, Rose.. .I am thankful...."

Suddenly I felt much fortunate than Jack, because I don't have to risk my life to board Titanic, all I have to do is to switch on my PC every night.

But he's one lucky guy too, because he knows how to draw, and just look at how slowly he was drawing Rose, that made me blame myself for the lack of this talent. But to her, this movie wasn't just about drawings or special effects. I noticed that packet of tissue paper she was holding in her hand. and just when Rose said: "I promise... I will never let go, Jack... i'll never let go.."

She opened up her sling bag and here comes the reserve handkerchief. Damn that Celine Dion, why on earth did she had to sing that "MY HEART WILL GO ON at the end of the show, for all the female species inside the theater, its like "MY TEARS WILL ALSO GO ON".

"Ok, movie ended. Let's go."

I stood up, speak to her gently, worried that every single word I breathe out might just crush onto her, and kill her. She continued to sit on the position, looked at me with her beautiful eyes that just came back from a swim.

After a while, she said "Slorr, movie ended, but life goes on. Am I right?"


I nodded my head. But I just wished somebody might give me some clue of what she was saying. Finally we managed to leave Orchard Cineplex, since its still early, we decided to take a walk down the street.

Along the way, she seems unusually quiet. So I guess Tye was right about the 'TITANIC FLU', he said that gals often got so mentally distressed after watching this show, and it's the best time to launch an emotional attack on her, that's why Tye had watch Titanic for over 5 times roughly.

Her eyes were focused on the path or the crowds but I know her mind was still left on Titanic, sinking with her, waiting for somebody to pull her up.


I just kept my mouth shut. I know I am not a good swimmer. We walked to Plaza Singapura. Suddenly she stopped in front of a Christian Dior counter.

"Slorr, have you read a novel called 'Fragrance'?"

"Err..nope. Why do you ask?"

"Look at this 'DOLCE VITA' from Christian Dior. It's what the guy bought for her girlfriend in the story on her birthday. And he told her 'DOLCE VITA is French, meaning 'SWEET TIMES'"

She pointed to a bottle of perfume at the counter, but I was more interested at the price tag around the neck of the bottle.

"Oh... is it?"

"Slorr, then do you consider today as 'sweet times'?"

"At first I do, but some points are deducted since you started crying."

"That means it can only be considered a little bit sweet, I'll buy the small bottle then."

I insisted to pay for the perfume as her birthday present from me since I know her birthday is coming soon, this kind of saves me a lot of trouble of finding a present for her. Luckily it's just perfume, or I would have to pawn my underwear if that guy in the story gives her girlfriend diamond or gold bar.

"Are you hungry? Wanna sit down and have something?"

"I don't have appetite, what about you?"

"You eat, I eat..."

Her eyes are red again. I am such a fool. Finally got away from the noisy crowd at the MRT station, walking on one of the streets of AMK Ave 6.
Contrastingly, it's so quiet now that I even can hear the rhythm of her heartbeat."

"Slorr, do you know what's the correct way of applying perfume?"

I shook my head. In fact, I had never used a perfume or cologne before, medicated oil maybe.

"First you apply some behind your ears, then your neck and wrists. After that spray some onto the air, then walk through it."

"Sure or not?"

"In that case this little bottle won't even be able to last you for 3 days"


"Slorr, shall we try?"

"We? You go ahead. I am a MAN."

She opened up that DOLCE VITA, behind her ears, neck then the wrist she applied some and she really did spray some onto the air!!

WABIANGZ!! Expensive leh! Finally she stretched out her hands, facing up like enjoying the raindrops falling on her face.

"Hahaha...."

"Slorr, this is so fun! Now its your turn."

She went through the same procedures with me and I can feel the coldness of her fingers. Maybe it's the perfume, I guess.

"Slorr, get ready, I am going to spray!!"

I imitated her. Face up and walked through my first perfume rain.

"Slorr let's have another round!!"

" WHAT!! Serious?"

My money isn't easy to come by leh!! Before I can collect the broken pieces of my heart, she had walked through her second round. She was even more excited this time, hoping around, likes her nickname. A flying and dancing butterfly. Late night of AMK, the street smells unusually nicer right now. Until we finished the whole of that DOLCE VITA.

"DOLCE VITA is exhausted."

"I guess this sweet time shall end now too. Slorr, I'll go up now. Tonight
1 am, I won't be online, and you are not to do so too."

"Huh? But why?"

"Go online at 12pm tomorrow. You will know.... Remember, only 12pm..."

She turned and walked into the lift. At the same time, I saw an obvious pink patch behind her neck, which is visible only now because she tied her hair.

I looked up towards her window on the 4th floor from below, but it never light up.

I switched off the light in my room. Engulfed in the absolute darkness. I wished to have the same kind of feeling as her right now. I realized in complete darkness, the easiest mood one gets... is loneliness. She must be lonely right now, half asleep.

I almost can see a beautiful butterfly, turning to ashes amidst the sea of flame. And that patch behind her neck.. from pink it became red. Then burgundy. Slowly, it swallowed me was it the cause of that can of beer just now?

Suddenly I felt cold and shaky. And that coolness seemed to have come straight from my heart, the rate of my heartbeat was an exponential function of time as it got closer to 1 am.

USE A DIFFERENT NICK!!

Checked..

She isn't there; my heart was beating fast. But the temperature remained below healthy level....


-=~@~=-
Finally it?fs 12 p.m., excited as I was, logged on the net, yet there was still no sign of FlyNDance. But there's a mail from her:


Dear Slorr,
At first I thought it will be easier for me to settle down in the darkness.. recollecting memories we have shared... but all I felt was loneliness..... Can you feel it too?...

I still can't change the habit of logging on at 1am... so I used a different nick to sneak into AJCRR... you don't blame me right?...:P... you weren?ft there... should I feel glad for your obedience?.... you said both of us belonged to TYPE 2... the foolish type...maybe you are right!... 'COs I really do admire those who dares to fight for their desires... I stroke my hair gently when you said that I am leaving the world... and a few strands of hair fell..... No!... doctor told me its not a terminal disease... and doctor aren't supposed to lie!!?... I still can live like a normal person...
BUT CAN I ?

FlyNDance... is it really something I wont be able to do?... After the first meeting with you at Mac... I started to realize that you are not only a virtual being living in the cyberspace... in reality you are strong, gentle and sensitive.... I can feel the defense Wall of my heart is slowly breaking apart.... I am defeated... I tied my hair today.. 'cos my fren told me that I look more attractive this way...

I want you to remember my face as it is today... 'cos after today... everything may change.... But why didn't you ask for my real name? ..that?fs why I never asked for urs...

I am a girl mah..:P... do you realized how I wish to have something more than a nick to take along with me? ...Slorr... thank you for the DOLCE VITA. Finally got a taste of what sweet times are like... but I am really sorry.

??.I just couldn?ft bear to say goodbye.....

Since it started from a mail.... it should end with a mail too.... Its been 3 months and 2 days since the very first mail... not a very long time but it isn't short either.... our story began from me... and I will end it.


Maybe its what you said... 'Internet is fast and convenient, but it isn't perfect'.... I can send you my thoughts right away... but not my tears...
It?fs about 5.30am now.... time to go.... by the time you receive this mail...
I would be trying to settle down somewhere else.... I don't know....
Good Bye


With lotsa love,
FlyNDance

After reading her mail, I felt as if I had just experienced a roller-coaster ride which almost derailed. She had shown me the other side of her, soft and sensitive.

For a couple of months, I was trying to hypnotizes myself, to suppress my feelings whenever I started to think about her again. Perpetually I was telling myself, she is just one virtual character that fly and dance in the net, but never in the real world. I became a fugitive, escaping from my PC, escaping from the Internet and anything that has to do with coffee. Hide myself behind the piles of lecture notes, behind the crowd of people, trying to get rid of this thought of missing something in life.

But I failed. I found out that its not that I don't miss her, its just that I had forgotten the passion that always comes along when you are having something hanging on your mind all the time. Its like I cannot breathe, it?fs just that I had forgotten the fact that I have been breathing in and out for the past 19 years.

I can hold my breath for a while, but not forever.

I have to find her!

"Err... I am looking for ... er..FlyNDance...."

"HUH??..."

'Huh', this is the exact word I was expecting from her.

She seems to be FlyNDance's elder sister, 20++, looked quite a beauty too even without any makeup. But of course, still can't be compared with her. I explained to her my purpose for knocking on the door and told her that I am no stalker whom she might think I am.

Surprisingly when I told her my disgusting nick, Slorr, she appeared to be rather excited and quickly she scribbled something on a small piece of paper and handed it to me.

"You should go and see her. SGH, Room 3-425."


-=~@~=-
This is the first time I've ever stepped into the Singapore General Hospital. It's a dust-free space, everything looked so clean, tidy and arranged.

But I don't like the feeling it gave me... I entered room 3-425, she was there, in a deep sleep. I stood by her, watching.

Her hair was still as long as before, laying across the soft, white pillow.

Her face looked roundish now, I know it's the side-effect of the medicine. And the pinkish-red patch that was on her neck, had spread to her face appearing in a shape of a butterfly.

Nevertheless, she was still the most beautiful butterfly I've ever seen.

Her eyelashes twitched slightly, she must be dreaming, what's that in her dream?

McDonald's fries and coke? Sinking Titanic? Or the rain at AMK Ave 6? The room was getting darker as the clock approaches 6pm.
I wanted to switch on the light. I hate to see her lying lonely under the shadow of a patient's room.

But I am worried that her dreams might be disturbed by the sudden light rays. While I was in a dilemma, her eyes opened slowly. Her eyes were wide on me, then she turned away suddenly.

I can only see her back at this moment. She lost weight. After a long time, she turned to face me again, rubbed her eyes and smiled....

"Slorr, you are here!"

"Yes, nice weather today, isn't it?"

"Ya lor, sky also very chio today? Right? Heehee.."

SKY VERY CHIO...

I can still remember this was the conversation we had in one of our AJCRR meetings."

But she didn't realize that it's raining today.

"Slorr, why are you standing there. Sit down."

Thanks for reminding me. I just found out that my legs were numbed due to the several hours of standing.

"Slorr, you lost weight."

ME? I thought I should be the one who's telling this to her!?

"Slorr, you hungry? Had your lunch? Food here isn't so good. That's why patients like me always slim down a bit. Apart from that, it's quite ok. But sometimes I feel really bored without a PC here to talk to you.."

"Slorr, how's your mid-year? Sure did very well right?"

WAIT A MINUTE! You are the one who's lying on bed right now not me! Yet, I had nothing to ask her actually.

Because I was there to see her, not to find out the answers to those questions. Maybe now its the time for me to utter some touching lines like what÷Õ in the case of a movie.

But I am not a Romantic person... moreover...

Movies are fiction.
Life isn't.


-=~@~=-
I just wished that she could leave this place as soon as possible back to AMK Ave 6, back to ACJC, back to where she belonged. And I promised she won÷Ö be alone anymore, because I will always be there.

After a while, her mum was here to see her. Around the age of 50, slightly overweight. Other than the cheerful smile, she didn't really remind me of FlyNDance.

"Err, I think i've gotta go now. Bye bye auntie."

"You....You..."

She sat up straight in a sudden, like if she'd experienced a tremendous shock.

"I'll be here again tomorrow.. and the day after tomorrow... until you leave this place..."

Before I went back home, I went to Plaza Singapura again to buy that Christian Dior Dolce Vita... and I've got the biggest bottle this time, that she can even swim in it.

I try not to close my eyes that night, I want to go to her as soon as the first sun ray shoots into my room....

"Slorr.. you are here.. i've been waiting for you for a long time..."

"Had a good night's rest?..."

"Oh... I didn't allow myself to fall into a deep sleep because I know you won't wake me up when your here."

"Then you should take a rest now."

"Err, since you are here already, I don't think I can..."

I gave her the Dolce Vita, and we'd agreed that we would dance in the rain in front of SGH main entrance the day she's discharged.

I dare not look straight at her, because there's a butterfly on her face.
It was only last night before I leave SGH that I found out she's suffering from an illness called ERYSIPELAS. What the clergymen would term the BUTTERFLY DISEASE...

But what I like is the coffee butterfly that is able to dance around freely not that pinkish-red butterfly that settled on her pale complexion. Moreover, what÷Õ a butterfly if it can't fly?

"Slorr, why are you looking at me and not talking?"

I don't know, because I noticed that she's getting weaker physically. I had a bad feeling about this.

"Slorr, I am thirsty, can you get me a drink?"

I am not leaving her at this moment. I can still remember a movie about this guy who went all the way to get red bean soup for his girlfriend who's on sickbed and to find her lying silently on the white bedsheet when he came back... never to wake up again...

"Are you trying to get rid of me, like what's in that movie?"

"Slorr, movie is movie, life is life..."

MOVIE? LIFE?....

"But I thought you just had a drink? Anyway, so what can I get for you?"

"Ultimate Ice Blended!!"

This is a hospital leh!! Did she think I can find Coffee Bean everywhere on this island? Like McDonalds, what's more coffee wasn't suitable for her at that time.

"Err... coffee isn't good for health, order something else, ok?

"So you know coffee isn't good for the body too. Then you should cut down on your intake also, ok?"

I saw her smile appearing and there's a shine in her eyes. I realized that she÷Õ just trying to tell me not to drink too much coffee in the future.

My heart seemed to have suffered from a heavy blow.

This is not good. A taste of pH7 has started to fill my nose. If this is not going to stop, tears might be the next thing that appears in front of her.

I recalled the chapter on reservoir and dam in physics textbook. Quickly applied the knowledge on myself. Even if it's just a few droplets.

"Ok, I promise, I'll try my best."

"And try to sleep earlier in the future and don't skip breakfast..."

"It's important to you and don't be too obsessed with blue. It makes you look troubled and....."

This didn't sound good. It's like giving the final instructions before she. I can't bear to let her continue.

"Ok ok, I'll go get you a drink right away."

"Slorr, is the machine far away? If it is, then its ok, I don't want it anymore."

From my mental calculation, men would take 67 steps while women would take 85 steps to reach the vending machine right at that corner. Plus the time taken to purchase, average would take a total of 1.8 to 2.1 minutes. Not very far.

"Quite near."

"Slorr, come back quick. I don't want to be alone for too long... I hate that feeling."

I didn't answer her. I just increased my pace....

*************************
*************************



"Eh... its late already... go to sleep..", my mum was nagging at me again.

"Ok ok.... 10 more minutes..."

Until today, FlyNDance had left for more than 2 mths.

I still logged on at 1 am every night, but onto channel DOLCE-VITA which was created by myself, with Slorr and FlyNDance being the only 2 nicks inside, for 10 minutes.

Although she won't be able to fly and dance in real life anymore, but I still wish that she could continue to do so in the virtual world.

Even Tye has given up on me...

"She's gone, why are you still doing this? For what?!!"

Yet, even if that's the case, I can't allow her soul to be left at the corner of loneliness. Because she said she hated the feeling of being alone.



I still remember there was a heavy downpour on that day. When I reached SGH they told me... A coffee butterfly flew away from her room at around 1 am last night....

After that... I can't remember...

I just knew that I stood at the bus-stop for a whole day and I was all wet because of the rain. Even my face.

I've been trying hard not to think of her over these 2 months. I've been hoping that her face won't appear in my mind every moment that I breathe, but it's like hoping that the sky isn't blue; the grass isn't green; the stars do not twinkle at night...

Basically, I was hoping for something impossible to happen. I can't believe that I am of Type 2, even in real life.

Did I cry?.. NO WAY!..

I said it before, I am not a romantic person, and this may be due to the deficiency in the hormones that constitutes emotions. Whenever I had the feeling of pH7, I'll browse through those 'FWDS:jokes...' Attention will then be shifted by those dim-wit, low-class jokes...

So now everything is back to the way it was before I met her 9 mths ago.

Tye is still flirting around, and I am still the old decent=dull me. But I֯e stopped taking coffee and beer.

"Xing ah, is this for you?"

My mum handed me a letter she picked up in the mailbox this morning.

I was surprised when I saw 'To:slorr...' written on the envelope.

That's for me I guess. I opened it up, there was a piece of writing inside, and another coffee envelope.


Slorr,
I am FlyNDance's sister, I think this is how you are addressing her. I am sorry that I do not know your real name, although we'd met before.

When I was packing her stuffs a few days ago, I found this letter with your name and address already written on it.

So I posted it to you, because I believe this is what my sister intended to do.

Best wishes,
Xiao Wen


The letter was sent 3 days ago, and there was another:


'To:slorr...'

Followed by my home address written on the coffee envelope. But this handwriting was a lot nicer and the words seemed to be moving swiftly...like in a joyful dance.

I have no time to figure out how she has gotten my home address. Did I give her in one of my mails?

I tried to control my trembling hands, slowly, I opened up the envelope. I found a photo, and a half of a movie ticket inside.

Apart from these, there was a blue letter... with the familiar DOLCE VITA smell on it. The photo showed her, standing on a piece of grassland, wearing the same coffee theme attire on our first meeting at McDonalds.

Something was written at the back of it....


Dear slorr,
Coffee represents Pisces.. that's me. Blue represents Sagitarius.. that's you. A blue letter inside a coffeee envelope.... know what I mean?

Seeing me, do you feel like drinking coffee now? Stop drooling! :P

FlyNDance


I smiled.... bitterly. The contents of the blue letter is simple:


If I have one more day to live, I want to be your girlfriend. Do I have one more day? No. Too bad. I can't be your girlfriend... not in this life.
If I have wings, I want to fly down from the paradise just to see you. Do I have wings? No. Sadly. I can never see you again.

If all the water are drawn out of the bath-tub, but it still can't put off the flame of love btw us. Can all the water in a bath-tub be drawn off? Can.


So yes. I LOVE YOU.

FlyNDance


My chest was torn apart... tears broke through the dam I constructed a long time go in a jiffy.

As proud, as emotionless as I was, I can't pull back the salty wetness overwhelming my eyes anymore.

She has changed my 'little theory' and gotten back what I'd owed her... tears for 2 months....


--------------------
Original Version
--------------------

※第一次的親密接觸※



跟她是在網路上認識的。怎麼開始的?我也記不清楚了,好像是因為
我的一個plan吧!那個plan是這麼寫的:

“ 如果我有一千萬,我就能買一棟房子。
我有一千萬嗎?沒有。
所以我仍然沒有房子。

如果我有翅膀,我就能飛。
我有翅膀嗎?沒有。
所以我也沒辦法飛。

如果把整個太平洋的水倒出,也澆不熄我對妳愛情的火燄。
整個太平洋的水全部倒得出嗎?不行。
所以我並不愛妳。



其實這只是我的職業病而已。我是研究生,為了要撰寫數值程式,
腦子裏總是充滿了各種邏輯。當假設狀況並不成立時,所得到的結
論,便是狗屁。就像去討論太監比較容易生男或生女的問題一樣,
都是沒有意義的。在plan裏寫這些阿里不達的東西,足證我是個極
度枯燥乏味的人,事實上也是如此。所以沒有把到任何美眉,以致
枕畔猶虛,倒也在情理之中。


而她,真是個例外。她竟mail告訴我,我是個很有趣的人。有趣?
這種形容詞怎麼可能用在我身上?就像用誠實來形容李登輝一樣,
都會讓人笑掉大牙。我想她如果不是智商很低,就是腦筋有問題。
看她的暱稱,卻又不像,她叫"輕舞飛揚",倒是個蠻詩意的名字。
不過網路上的暱稱總是虛虛實實,虛者實之,實者虛之,做不得準
的。換言之,恐龍絕不會說她是恐龍,更不會說她住在侏羅紀公園
裏,她總是會想盡辦法去引誘你以及誤導你。而優美的暱稱,就是
恐龍獵食像我這種純情少男的最佳武器。


說到恐龍,又勾起了我的慘痛記憶。我見過幾個網友,結果是一隻
比一隻兇惡,每次都落荒而逃,我想我大概可以加入史蒂芬史匹柏
的製作班底,去幫他做電影特效了。室友阿泰的經驗和我一樣,如
果以我和他所見到的恐龍為X座標軸,以受驚嚇的程度為Y座標軸
,可以經由迴歸分析而得出一條線性方程式,然後再對X取偏微分
,對Y取不定積分,就可得到"網路無美女"的定律。因此,理論上
而言,網路上充斥著各種恐龍,所差別的只是到底她是肉食性還是
草食性而已。

要介紹"輕舞飛揚"之前,得先提一提阿泰。打從大學時代起,阿泰
就是我的哥兒們,不過我們的個性卻是天南地北。他長得又高又帥
,最重要的是,他有張又甜又油的嘴巴,我很懷疑有任何的雌性動
物能不淹沒在他那滔滔不絕的口水之中。我喜歡叫他"Lady Killer",
而且他還是職業的。慘死在他手下的女孩,可謂不計其數,受害者
遍及台灣全島。他在情場上百戰百勝,但絕不收容戰俘,他說他已
經達到情場上的最高境界,即"萬花叢中過,片葉不沾身"。據說這
比徐志摩的"揮一揮衣袖,不帶走一片雲彩",還要高竿。徐志摩還
得揮一揮衣袖來甩掉黏上手的女孩子,阿泰則連衣袖都沒有了。


阿泰總是說我太老實了,是情場上的砲灰。這也難怪,我既不高又
不帥,鼻子上騎著一支高度近視的眼鏡,使我的眼睛看起來瞇成一
條線。記得有次上流力課時,老師還突然把我叫起來,因為他懷疑
我在睡覺,而那時我正在專心聽講。可能八字也有關係吧!從小到
大,圍繞在我身旁的,不是像女人的男人,就是像男人的女人。阿
泰常說,男人有四種類型:第一種叫"不勞而獲"型,即不用去追女
孩子,自然會被倒貼;第二種叫"輕而易舉"型,雖然得追女孩子,
但總能輕易擄獲芳心;第三種叫"刻苦耐勞"型,必須絞盡腦汁,用
盡36計,才會有戰利品;而我是屬於第四種叫"自求多福'型,只能
期待碰到眼睛被牛屎ㄍㄡˊ到的女孩子。


阿泰其實是很夠朋友的,常常會將一些女孩子過戶給我,只可惜我
太不爭氣,總是近"香"情怯。不過這也不能怪我,只因為我多讀了
幾本聖賢書,懂得禮義廉恥,而講究禮義廉恥通常是追求女孩子的
兵家大忌。舉例來說,我跟一個不算瘦的女孩去喝咖啡,我好心請
她再叫些點心,她卻說她怕會變胖,那我就會說妳已經來不及了。
去年跟一個女孩子出去吃飯,她自誇朋友們都說她是“天使般的臉
孔,魔鬼般的身材“,我卻很正經地告訴她,“妳朋友說反了”。
幸好那時我們是吃簡餐,我只是被飛來的筷子擊中胸前的膻中穴而
已。如果是吃排餐,我想大概會出人命了。


經過了那次死裏逃生的經驗,我開始領教到恐龍的兇殘。後來阿泰
想出了一個逃生守則,即日後跟任何女性網友單獨見面時,要帶個
call機。我們會互相支援,讓call機適時響起,若碰到肉食性恐龍
,就說“宿舍失火了”;若是草食性恐龍,則說“宿舍遭小偷了”
。於是阿泰的房間發生了四次火警,六次遭竊。我比較幸運,只被
偷過五次。


所以在見到"輕舞飛揚"之前,我的心臟其實已經被鍛鍊得很堅強,
即使再碰到恐龍,我的心跳仍能維持每分鐘72下。阿泰曾經提醒我
,她如果不是長頭髮,就會是花癡,因為女孩子在跳舞時只有兩個
地方會飛揚:頭髮和裙子。頭髮飛揚當然很美;但若裙子飛揚,則
表示她有相當程度的性暗示。不過我一直認為她與眾不同,當然我
的意思不是她特別大隻。書上說天蠍座的人都會有很敏銳的直覺,
因此我很相信自己的第六感。至於阿泰,他雖然能夠一眼看出女孩
子的胸圍,並判斷出到底是A罩杯還是B罩杯;或在數天內讓女孩
子在床上躺平,但他卻未必能真正地瞭解一個女孩子。


阿泰常引述莎士比亞的名言:“女人是被愛的,不是被瞭解的”,
來證明瞭解女人不是笑傲情場的條件。事實上,這句話真的有道理
。記得我以前曾經一男四女住過,真是苦不堪言。生活上的一切細
節,都得幫她們打點,因為女生只知道風花雪月,未必知道柴米油
鹽。為了保護她們的貞操,我每天還得晚點名,我若有不軌的舉動
,別人會笑我監守自盜;我若守之以禮,別人就叫我柳下惠,或者
遞給我一張泌尿科醫師的名片。夏天晚上她們洗完澡後,我都得天
人交戰一番,可謂看得到吃不到。跟她們住了兩年,我只領悟到一
個道理,即是再怎麼純潔可愛溫柔天真大方端莊小鳥依人的女孩子
,她們捲起褲管數腿毛的姿勢都一樣。而且她們都同樣會叫我從廁
所的門縫下面塞衛生紙進去。


該讓"輕舞飛揚"出場了。自從她頭殼壞掉mail給我並說我很有趣後
,我就常希望能在線上碰到她。不過很可惜,我們總是擦身而過,
所以我也只能回mail告訴她,為了證明她有先見之明,我會努力訓
練自己成為一個有趣的人。因此我寄mail給她,她回mail給我,我
又回她回給我的mail,她再回我回她回給我的mail,於是應了那句
俗話:“冤冤相報何時了”。雖然說冤家宜解不宜結,不過我和她
的冤仇卻是愈結愈深。


其實最讓我對她感到興趣的,也是她的plan:

“ 我輕輕地舞著,在擁擠的人群之中。
你投射過來異樣的眼神。
詫異也好,欣賞也罷。
並不曾使我的舞步凌亂。
因為令我飛揚的,不是你注視的目光。
而是我年輕的心。


我實在無法將這樣的女子與恐龍聯想在一起。但如果她真是恐龍,
我倒寧願讓這隻恐龍飽餐一頓,正所謂恐龍嘴下死,作鬼也風流。
阿泰好像看出了我的異樣,不斷地勸我,網路的感情玩玩就好,千
萬別當真,畢竟虛幻的東西是見不得陽光的。就讓上帝的歸上帝,
凱撒的歸凱撒;網路的歸網路,現實的歸現實。因為躲在任何一個
英文ID背後的人,先別論個性好壞或外表美醜,連是男是女都不知
道,如此又能產生什麼狗屁愛情?


這不能怪阿泰的薄情與偏激,自從他在20歲那年被他的女友fire後
,他便開始遊戲花叢。俗話說:“一朝被蛇咬,十年怕井繩”,他
被蛇咬了以後,卻從此學會了剝蛇皮,並喜歡吃蛇肉羹。而且他遇
見的女性網友,倒也不乏一些只尋找短暫刺激之輩,有時第一次見
面就會問他:“君欲上床乎?”。因為子曰:“美女難找,有身材
就好”,所以除了恐龍外,他通常會回答:“但憑卿之所好,小生
豈敢推辭?”。然後她們會問:“Your place or My place?”,
他則爽快地說:“要殺要剮,悉聽尊便。重點是跟誰做,而不是在
哪做”。阿泰真狠,連這樣也要之乎者也一番,更狠的是,他通常
帶她們回到家裏,而把我趕出去流落街頭。


在一個苦思程式的深夜裏,研究室外的那隻野貓又發出斷斷續續的
叫春聲,三長一短,表示大約是三點一刻。上線來晃一晃,通常這
時候線上人最少,而且以無聊和性饑渴的人居多,若能碰上一二個
變態的女孩,望梅止渴一番,倒也是件趣事。阿泰說女孩子的心防
愈到深夜愈鬆懈,愈容易讓你輕鬆揮出安打。


安打?是這樣的,我們常以棒球比賽來形容跟女孩間的進展。一壘
表示牽手搭肩;二壘表示親吻擁抱;三壘則是愛撫觸摸;本壘就是
已經※&@☆了《基於網路青少年性侵害防治法規定,此段文字必
須以馬賽克處理》。阿泰當然是那種常常擊出全壘打的人,而我則
是有名的被三振王,到現在還不知道一壘壘包是方還是扁。如果是
被時速140公里以上的快速球三振那也就罷了,我竟然連120公里的
慢速直球也會揮棒落空,真是死不瞑目。


pc剛好在此時傳出了噹噹的聲響,太好了!魚兒上鉤了。不知道是
那個癡情怨女從一大堆飢渴的雄性野獸中,沒有天理地選擇了我為
送Message的對象,我也不知不覺地流下了欣慰的口水。


按照慣例,先雙手合十虔誠地向上帝祈禱,求祂賜給我一個寂寞難
耐的絕色美女。然後用沒擦過屁股的左手按了下鍵盤,出現的是:
「痞子....這麼晚了還沒睡?」
哇ㄌㄟ....不會吧!?竟然是"輕舞飛揚"!這個不知是頭髮飛揚還是
裙子飛揚的女孩。


趕緊將快滴下的口水吸住,做了幾下深呼吸。阿泰此時不知道又在
那個無知少女的床上,這麼重要的關頭,只有我在孤軍奮戰。早知
如此,今晚就叫他吃素,別殺生了。怎麼辦?憑我三腳貓的幽默感
和略顯癡呆的談吐,怎麼能吸引她呢?


「痞子....我心情不好睡不著....你也是嗎?」
horse's! 都怪阿泰不好,幹嘛沒事叫我取什麼"痞子蔡"的暱稱,
還說什麼這樣叫做“置之死地而後生”,反而會達到吸引純情少女
的反效果。我以前的暱稱,諸如:"愛妳一萬年"、"深情的Jack"、
"浪漫是我的綽號"、"敢笑楊過不癡情"、"妳敢jump我就jump"....
不也性格地一蹋糊塗?如今竟讓她叫我痞子,真是情何以堪啊!


『我心情也不好....讓我們負負得正吧!』
好不容易擠出了這麼一句,卻也已冒出了一身冷汗。其實我心情也
不見得不好,只是順著她的話頭講,不要剛開始聊天就做出忤逆的
事。而且如果她待會問我為何心情也不好時,我就可以回答:“妳
心情不好,我的心情又怎麼好得起來?”。雖然有點狗腿,不過阿
泰常說:“狗腿為談戀愛之本”。而且女孩子是種非常奇怪的動物
,她相信她的耳朵遠超過相信她的眼睛,所以與其做十件體貼的事
讓她欣慰,倒不如說一句好聽的話讓她感動。


「好ㄚ!....可是你還沒向我問好ㄋㄟ....」
該死!竟然緊張到連做人的基本禮貌都忘了,虧我還號稱為系上的
品行教科書以及道德狀元郎。如果讓學妹們知道這件事,豈不讓她
們少了一個暗戀的對象?我真是無顏見江東姐妹了。


『長髮飄揚的女孩....妳也好....』
我心裏一直希望她飛揚的是頭髮,而不是裙子。所以自然而然的,
就覺得她該有一頭長髮。上帝保佑,千萬別讓我猜錯。


「咦?....你怎麼知道我留長髮?」
Bingo! 竟然被我ㄨ到,太好了,可以證明她不是花癡了。這情景
,怎一個爽字了得!


『我不僅知道妳留長髮....我還知道妳不常穿裙子....』
要賭,當然就賭大一點,要是再讓我ㄨ到,天下就準備太平了。


「咦again?....連本姑娘不喜歡穿裙子你也知道?」
老天ㄚ!何苦如此厚待我?我只不過比別人多一份老實,比別人多
一份誠懇,犯不著如此獎勵我吧!?


『我只是覺得妳一定有雙美腿....所以不應讓裙子遮住妳的曲線....』
阿泰的特訓果然有用,他說男人一定要學會甜言蜜語,而當男人講
甜言蜜語時,最大的敵人不是女人的耳朵,而是男人的胃。如果當
我講出任何阿諛奉承諂媚巴結的噁心言語而不讓我的胃覺得抽筋時
,我就可以出師了。如今,我終於學成歸國了。


「呵....:)....」
這是網路上女孩的特權,當她不知道該如何回答你時,就會用"呵"
或笑臉符號":)"來打混過去。這真的是高招,不僅不露痕跡地接受
了你的讚美,還一付不關她的事的樣子。


『心情好點了嗎?....美麗的輕舞飛揚小姐....』
雖然我很好奇她到底為何心情不好?但絕不能直接問她。因為當女
孩心情不好時,情緒是很不穩定的,單刀直入的問法會她讓她覺得
煩躁火大。萬一她剛被二一,或是剛告別處女,或是剛踏到狗屎,
我一定會被她罵得滿頭包。所以,換個方式問,比較合乎孫子兵法
的"迂迴進擊"和"誘敵深入"。而且看在我說她美麗的份上,所謂不
看僧面看佛面,她也不至於當場翻臉吧!?


「嗯:)....好多了....可愛的痞子先生....」
可愛?這種形容詞雖不滿意,但還可以接受,不過痞子再怎麼可愛
也還是痞子。明天得再想個優雅一點的暱稱了。


『知道妳心情變好....我的心情也跟著好轉....妳說奇怪不奇怪?』
剛才埋設的伏筆,現在可以派上用場了。而且明明是拍女孩的馬屁
,卻裝作一付無辜的樣子,正所謂“拍而示之以不拍”,也是獨孤
九劍中“無招勝有招”的真諦。


「呵:)....痞子....我該睡了....明早十點上站....陪我嗎?」
由她的反應看來,剛才拍的那個馬屁,無論是力道與施力點,都是
恰到好處。跟阿泰在一起這麼久,日子倒也沒有白過。


『赴湯蹈火....尚且不辭....何況陪妳聊天乎?』
天ㄚ!我怎麼會突然冒出一句這麼有深度的話呢?這句話大概可以
列入網路年度十大佳句了。我想唐伯虎復生,也不過如此吧!?雖說
我是受到阿泰的薰陶,但我已經青出於藍而勝於藍了。更難得的是
,我說這句話時,敲鍵盤的手竟然一點也不會發抖,看來我的確有
在情場中打滾的天份。我深深地被自己的天賦異稟所感動......


「呵:)....那麼明早見了....晚安....痞子」


『小小吐槽一下....應是今早見....晚安you too』


離了線,忍不住想學電視裏的廣告大叫:“我出運了..我出運了”
。看來這次打擊,有希望能敲出一隻安打。而研究室的窗外,那隻
野貓的叫春聲又更響了......


《ㄚㄚˇ....給我一杯壯陽水....換我一夜不下垂..》,
聽到這首改編自劉德華"忘情水"的變態歪歌,就知道是阿泰回來了,
看來今夜又有個女孩慘遭毒手。
阿泰常說他不是不想定下來,只是他條件太好,反而會讓女孩子
有不安全感。所以他說,《余豈好色乎...余不得已也...》。
這當然是狡辯,但其實很多男人或多或少都有阿泰的性格。
所差別的只是條件不夠,無法風流而已。


我告訴阿泰,我剛遇見輕舞飛揚了。
《恭喜恭喜...如此際遇...豈能無酒?..》
開玩笑,我明天還得早起,喝酒會誤事的。
《也對...等你失戀時再喝..》
哇ㄌㄟ...你這樣彷彿是在詛咒我..
《我幹嘛還彷彿...我根本就是在詛咒你..》
horse's,要不是看在我打不過你的份上,你早就血濺五步了。
《痞子...別生氣...我用的是心理學上的洪水猛獸法...在你有所期待時,
狠狠地潑你冷水...你才能步步為營,攻城略地..》
其實這樣也對,要不是這桶冷水,我一定會得意忘形。


我是個日夜顛倒的人,早上10點以前起床對我而言,是有點難度。
『阿泰...明早叫我起床..』
《細細回憶...妳的淫蕩...彷彿見妳...床上模樣..》
他改唱剛澤斌的"妳在他鄉"。看來,別指望他了。
所以,我調了兩個鬧鐘,一個放床邊;一個放在離床最遠的角落。
這樣我才能確保鬧鐘不會只叫醒我的食指。


「痞子...這麼巧..」
還好,雖然睡過頭,但仍然準時在10點上了線。
『是ㄚ...怎麼這麼巧..』
女孩子真是奇怪的動物,明明是早就約好的事,偏要裝作一付
偶然邂逅的樣子。大概是瓊瑤的小說看太多的緣故吧!
她們總覺得靠緣份邂逅的男人最美好。
而且男人的美好程度會跟邂逅的浪漫程度成正比。
「痞子...你在吹牛..」


吹牛?..好,我說給妳聽。舉例而言,
在夏天的海灘邊邂逅的男子一定要會跑步,要有粗獷的長相,
要有古銅泛紅的皮膚,要有海水般明亮的雙眼,最好還要有爽朗的笑聲。
然後一面呼喊著女主角的名字,一面朝她飛奔,再抱起她逆時針轉三圈。
「痞子...你再吹ㄚ..」


不喜歡夏天?..好,換個季節。
在秋天的街道上邂逅的男子一定要帶副眼鏡,要有斯文的書卷味,
手裏要抱著一本詩集,最好要踩著滿地的落葉,發出沙沙的聲響。
然後嘴裏輕輕吟著雪萊或葉慈的詩,再深情地告訴女主角她比詩還美。
「痞子...你在亂掰ㄛ..」


我在掰?..好,不說時間的邂逅,改用地點的邂逅。
在無人的山中邂逅的男子一定要留長髮,要有藝術家的特質,
要帶著一個畫架、幾張畫布,最好要有很多小鳥停在他身旁看他作畫。
然後女主角也許脫光光當他的模特兒,或靜靜地欣賞著他的專注。
「痞子...你吃錯藥了..」


吃錯藥?..好,換個比較文明的地點。
在喧鬧的酒吧中邂逅的男子一定要有鬍渣,要有頹廢的氣息,
嘴裏要叼根煙,要喝烈酒而不是台灣脾酒,最好還要有雙冷峻的眼神。
然後女主角應該會被酒醉的人調戲,而他則英勇而適時地打跑這些人。
「痞子...這些都很浪漫ㄚ..」


浪漫?..小姐,浪漫也許只是存在於小說中的情節而已。
現實生活中,在海邊跑步的男子可能會踩到玻璃,然後送去急診。
或是女主角太重,以致他的手臂產生肌肉拉傷的運動傷害。
踏著滿地秋天落葉的男子可能會踩到狗屎,因為落葉堆內狗屎多。
狗屎由於太臭了,所以他可能不吟詩而改吟三字經。
在無人山中作畫的男子,旁邊的小鳥可能會拉屎在他頭上。
或是當女主角脫光光時,他會嫌腰部和臀部贅肉太多,而被她痛毆一頓。
而在喧鬧酒吧中喝烈酒的男子,可能錢會帶不夠,而被留下來洗碗。
或是跟人打架時,反而被人打跑,因為沒有理由好人就會打贏架。
「痞子...你跟浪漫有仇嗎?..」


跟浪漫有仇?..當然不是,我只是以統計學的觀點得出一些結論而已。
因為以上各類型的男子,無論是健康型、斯文型、藝術型與頹廢型,
他們最大的共通點竟然是高,而不是帥!
有的愛情小說會顛覆男主角的形象,讓他長得不夠好看。
但沒人敢讓男主角不高。
因為我不高,所以我要抗議。
「痞子...抗議駁回..」


我真的不是普通的無聊與乏味,竟然在網路上跟她討論這些。
而且一聊就聊到中午。
「痞子...肚子餓了嗎?..」
『是ㄚ...那妳呢?..』
「嗯...的確該吃午餐了...痞子...」
『那我們是否該....?..』
「痞子...我只是問問...沒有要請你吃飯的意思...」
很好,我不浪漫。而妳也不浪漫...


中午跟阿泰吃飯,我們聊起了早上和輕舞飛揚的對談。
《你真是白癡...你幹嘛強調你不浪漫?...你頭殼壞掉?..》
阿泰劈頭就是一頓臭罵,而且一發不可收拾..
《我的臉都讓你丟光了...你怎會犯了兵家大忌呢?..我...我...》
阿泰夾起一塊雞翅,拿筷子的手氣得發抖,使得那塊雞翅好像要展翅飛翔..
《把馬子有三大忌...一曰不浪漫...二曰太老實...三曰嘴不甜...
其中又以不浪漫為首...任何罪惡與不浪漫牴觸者無效...沒聽過嗎?..》
當然沒聽過,我只聽過任何法令與憲法牴觸者無效。


《男人不壞...女人不愛...總該聽過吧?...》
這句話一直有爭議性,怎會沒聽過!?...
《其實女人又不賤...幹嘛非得去喜歡壞男人?...
那是因為壞男人通常很浪漫...而好男人通常不解風情...
所以她寧可選擇壞而浪漫的男人...也不願選擇好而不浪漫的男人...
這叫兩害相權取其輕也的道理...懂嗎?...痞子..》
這樣我就懂了。
難怪我一直是孤家寡人,而阿泰身旁的女人總是取之不盡,用之不竭。
子曰:“朝聞道,夕死可矣”,我想我終於可以瞑目了。


《換言之...女人可以不介意你不夠高..可以不在乎你不夠帥..
可以忍受你不夠溫柔體貼...可以接納你不夠細心呵護..
可以寬恕你不夠聰明有趣...但絕不能原諒你不夠浪漫...》
太扯了吧!..那有這麼誇張。
《痞子...很多女人有浪漫情結...就像很多男人有處女情結一樣...
對女人而言,她們無法想像小小一層薄膜對男人有多麼重要...
正如我們也無法想像浪漫對她們有多麼重要一樣...》
亂講!我從來沒聽過誰有處女情結,更沒聽過誰有浪漫情結。


《情結也者...重點在結這個字...你能解得開,就不叫結了..
男人當然也知道處女情結不僅無知可笑自私與不公平,
但能不能解開這個結是一回事...肯不肯承認自己有這種結的存在,
又是另一回事....同理可證...女人亦復如此..》
可是網路上每次討論到處女情結時,大家都覺得有這種觀念的男人,
是又笨又混蛋又欠揍,不是嗎?
《痞子...你只知其一...不知其二...
如果談到處女情結時...女性當然義憤填膺...這是可以理解的事...
但男性呢?..有幾個人敢帶種地當眾承認自己有處女情結?..
而且如果女孩們都相信男人非處女不娶,於是死守著她們的貞操,
那像我這種人不就不用混了?..
因此於公於私...我們都必須讓女人相信處女是不重要的...
所以我在網路上post的第一篇文章就是誓死唾棄處女情結的存在..》
原來如此。
難怪阿泰每次和我們吃火鍋時,都說菜很好吃,於是我們就會吃菜,
但他卻一直夾肉...


《對女人而言...一年有五大節慶...即西洋情人節、中國情人節、她的生日
、三八婦女節、耶誕節。...我阿泰縱橫情場近十載...大小數百戰...
我敢罵女人三八...我敢放女人鴿子...我敢說女人臉蛋不夠好看...
我敢嫌女人身材不夠纖細...但我絕不敢在這五大節慶裏...
不上貢一些禮品與花朵以表示忠貞不渝、絕無貳心...》
阿泰點起了煙,語重心長地說著...
《一年365天...你在其它360天對她很好...反而不及在這5天裏讓她覺得浪漫...
通常女孩們會因為你在這5天裏表現良好...而忘了你在其它360天裏
對她並不夠在乎的事實...相反地...她們會因為你在這5天裏並無特殊表現...
而拒絕相信你在其它360天裏細心呵護她的事實...》
哇ㄌㄟ...阿泰的屁還沒放完。
《就像一個棒球名人所說的...
「不要吹噓你的打擊率很高...不要強調你的安打數很多...
你只要告訴我...你的打點有多少?」...
痞子...懂了嗎?...適時而帶有打點的安打...才能給對手迎頭痛擊...》


我懂了...但我大錯已經鑄成...又該如何挽回呢?
《痞子...沒關係...反正到時候我會再陪你喝酒的...
你有沒有想過...正因為你常失戀...所以你的酒量鍛練得非常好...
從這個角度想...你就不會太難過了...正所謂有所得必有所失...
這也是塞翁失馬,焉知非福的真諦...》
話雖如此,但我這個塞翁,還有多少匹馬可以丟掉呢?...


晚上在研究室,繼續為著論文打拼..
說也奇怪,今晚看到那些熟悉的偏微分方程式,卻一直覺得不順眼..
用幾條簡單的偏微分方程式來解釋自然界的物理現象,就叫科學...
那為什麼用天上星宿的排列組合來解釋人生,就會叫迷信呢?..
科學應該只是解釋真理的一種方法,不能用科學解釋的,未必不是真理..
為什麼學科學的人,卻往往掉入自己所擅長的邏輯的陷阱之中呢?..


那隻討厭的野貓,偏偏又在此時發出那種三長一短的叫聲。
上線吧!..反正腦筋已經打結了..程式一定寫不下去...
「痞子...終於看到你了...晚安ㄚ...:)..」
終於?這個形容詞好奇怪。更奇怪的是,為什麼這麼晚了她還在線上?..
該不會又是心情不好吧!?..
『是ㄚ...妳我相逢在黑夜的網路上...真是有緣...』
學學徐志摩,也許她會覺得我還是很浪漫的。


「痞子...跟緣份無關...因為我是刻意從兩點多等到現在的...」
『真的假的?...沒事幹嘛等我?..』
「我想跟你聊天ㄚ!...不然我睡不著...」
『妳得了被害妄想症嗎?...非得在睡前受到一點驚嚇才睡得著嗎?..』
「:)...」
這次的笑臉符號是用全形字打的,看來笑得比較大聲...


「痞子...繼續中午的話題...那你覺得網路上的邂逅如何呢?...」
拜託...那壺不開提那壺...中午剛被阿泰訓了一頓...現在怎敢再講..
『網路上的邂逅....很...很...很浪漫ㄚ...』
我果然不擅於說謊,昧著良心時,連打出來的字也會抖...
「痞子...你騙人ㄛ...你又不是浪漫的人...」
完了...快要跟阿泰去喝酒了...


「痞子...說說看嘛!...我喜歡聽你扯...」
『既然知道我是扯...何苦還要聽我扯...』
「痞子...這叫知其不可為而為之...也叫明知山有虎,偏向虎山行...」
這傢伙,別的不學,竟學我喜歡亂用成語。
看看馬廄,我只剩下這匹馬了。
該據實以告?還是含混帶過?我不禁猶豫著...


「痞子...你當機了?...還是在發呆?..」
『嗯...我在思考今天的太陽為何如此之圓?..』
「痞子...別轉移話題...我可是等了你一個鐘頭ㄛ..」
好厲害,連顧左右而言他,這種國民黨高級官員才會的技巧也會被識破。
『現在很晚了...我怎忍心為了一己之私,讓妳聽我大放厥詞呢?..』
「痞子...拖延戰術也沒有用ㄛ...」
最後一張王牌也失效,看來只得屈打成招了。


其實網路上的邂逅,的確是很浪漫。
因為浪漫通常帶點不真實,而網路並不真實。
所以由此觀之,網路上的邂逅是具備浪漫的條件。
「痞子...網路為何不真實?...虛幻的應是人性而非網路,不是嗎?..」


話雖如此,但網路由於有很安全的防護措施,所以通常會產生三種人。
第一種人會在網路上突顯其次要性格。
一般人應該具有多重性格,而在日常生活處世中,所展現的為主要性格。
次要性格很可能被壓抑,也很可能自己本身並未察覺有這種性格。
但在網路上,代表自己的,已不再是血肉之軀,而是一些英文字母。
少了所有的應酬與必要的應對進退,也少了很多利害關係。
於是豬羊變色,反而在刻意或不自覺的情況下,展現自己的次要性格。
「是這樣嗎?...那第二種人呢?..」


第二種人會在網路上變成他“希望”成為的那種人。
人性千奇百怪,一定會有某些性格是妳特別欣賞與羨慕的。
但很可惜,這些性格未必為妳所擁有。
於是妳會很希望成為擁有這些性格的另一種人。
而網路正好提供這個機會,讓妳變成這種人。
舉例而言,平常沉默寡言的,在網路上可能會風趣健談。
而害羞文靜的,則很容易變成活潑大方。
「痞子...你在蓋嗎?...那第三種人呢?..」


我沒臭蓋,這是我一個唸台大心理研究所朋友的碩士論文。
第三種人會在網路上變成他“不可能”成為的那種人。
上帝是導演,牠指定你必須扮演的角色,不管妳喜不喜歡。
而網路上並沒有上帝,因此所有角色皆由妳自導自演。
於是妳很可能在網路上扮演妳日常生活中根本不可能扮演的角色。
舉例而言,妳若是女的,很可能會在網路上變成男人。反之亦然。
或者妳已30歲,很可能會在網路上裝成17歲的幼齒姑娘。反之亦然。
又或者妳明明是恐龍,很可能會在網路上以絕代佳人自居。反之亦然。
「痞子...那你是屬於那一種人?...而我呢?..」


我不願意相信妳是第三種人,因為我也不是第三種人。
而由於在網路上第一種人最多,所以妳也不是第一種人。
因為妳特別。
而讓特別的妳所欣賞的我,自然也有點特別。
所以我們都是第二種人。
「痞子...你很臭屁ㄛ...那如果我們都是第二種人...是好還是壞呢?..」


這不是好與壞的問題,而是應不應該的問題。
我們應該要成為第一種人,而不應該成為第二或第三種人。
「痞子...請繼續放吧!...小女子洗鼻恭聞..」


第一種人最真實。
因為他所展現的,還是屬於自己的性格。
而且換個角度想,他反而更能挖掘出自己潛在的優點。
例如有很多人在板上寫文章後,才發覺自己有當作家的天份。
也有很多人在板上和人開罵後,才驚訝自己的臉皮厚度不輸給立法委員。
於是從網路上得到成長。


第二種人最愚蠢。
因為他總是羨慕別人的優點,而忘了去欣賞自己本身的優點。
如果他是檸檬,就應該試著去喜歡酸味,而不是去羨慕水蜜桃的甜美。
因為水蜜桃也可能羨慕檸檬的酸。
「痞子...那麼你我都是酸檸檬囉!..這樣算不算同是天涯淪落人?..」
酸則酸矣,淪落則未必。
而且兩個酸檸檬碰在一起,不也挺浪漫?
「痞子...別又假裝浪漫ㄛ!..你果然是希望變成浪漫的第二種人..」
好厲害,這樣也會被她抓包。看來她比我酸。


「痞子...My ears will go on...所以也請你go on..」
第三種人最可憐。
因為如果他必須變成另一種他不可能成為的人,才能得到樂趣。
那麼無論他能不能得到樂趣,他都無法享受這種樂趣。
而且久而久之,便會得到所謂的“網路性精神分裂”。
他很容易將所有的人際關係與喜怒哀樂,建築在網路上。
一旦離開了網路,便會無所適從。


「痞子...能不能告訴我..為什麼你是第二種人?..」
其實也很簡單。主要是因為我平凡。
我身材不高也不矮,長相不醜也不帥,個性不好也不壞。
雖然已習慣於平凡,但有時卻不甘於平凡。
因此網路便成為我讓自己不平凡的最佳工具。


「痞子...可是你剛說你有點特別的...不是嗎?..」
平凡加上有點特別,所以是特別平凡。
所以我更希望成為另一種人。


「痞子...那你希望變成誰呢?..」
我當然希望像阿泰一樣,浪漫而多情,風趣而健談。
因為這是我所缺乏的。
「痞子...那我呢?..」


妳?我不知道。
妳想輕舞飛揚,希望盡情揮灑年輕,舞動青春。
但如果這只是妳無法做到的希望,那麼只有兩種可能。
一是妳即將老去;二是妳時日無多。


我想我講錯話了,因為她一直沒再傳送任何Message過來。
我不禁自責自己的變態,幹嘛扯這些東西?
雖說這是我朋友的碩士論文,但他的口試並未通過。
所以一切都還只是停留在唬爛的階段。
再等等吧!也許她當機了。


記得阿泰有次也是如此,那時他的網友送來一句:
《阿泰...我已經兩個月了...》
阿泰大吃一驚,狼容失色。
他說他一直很小心的,不可能出問題。
難道是那種在超市買的買一送一,還附贈激情持久環的保險套出了問題?
幸好後來她又送來一句:
《Sorry...剛剛當機...我是說我已經兩個月了...沒看到你...我很想念你..》


所以我繼續等著。
雖然只等了幾分鐘,但我覺得好像等了數小時之久。
我很想道歉,卻不知從何說起。
直到她傳來這句:
「痞子...伊莎貝爾...我們見面吧!..」
我毫不猶豫,輕輕地在鍵盤上敲下O、K兩鍵。


下了線,天也已濛濛亮了。
上次跟她聊天,忘了吃中飯,可謂忘食。
這次跟她聊天,犧牲了睡眠,可謂廢寢。
廢寢與忘食兼而有之,那麼我們應該可以算是有相當程度的熟識了吧!?


雖然已經決定要見面,但我們很有默契地不討論細節。
更有默契的是,我們都會在深夜三點一刻上線,然後聊到天亮。
都聊些什麼呢?
我也說不上來,反正到時都會有話說。
但一定不是風花雪月。
也不會是曾文惠是否抽過眼袋脂肪,或連戰是否又踹了連方瑀幾腳。
當然更不會是林志穎是否混過幫派,或陳進興的入珠到底有幾顆的八卦。


至於姓名,阿泰倒是交待我千萬別問。
《因為問了姓名後...你就得記住...以後女友多了...很容易搞混..》
『那你怎麼區分這些女孩子呢?..』
《情聖守則第一條...必須以相同的暱名稱呼不同的女人...
因為你對一個女孩子感到興趣的原因...不會是名字..
而且愈是漂亮的女孩子...愈容易被人問姓名..問久了她就會煩..
所以當你一直不問她名字時...她反而會主動告訴你..》
『她如果主動告訴你名字後...又該如何?..』


《Good Question...》
阿泰讚許似地拍拍我的肩膀,一付孺子可教也的模樣。
《首先你得讚美她的名字...形容詞可有四種:氣質、特別、好聽、親切。
如果她的名字只可能在小說中出現,你要說她的名字很有氣質..
如果她的名字像男生,或是很奇怪,你要說她的名字很特別..
如果她的名字實在是普普通通,乏善可陳,你要說她的名字很好聽..
如果她的名字很通俗,到處可見,你要說她的名字很親切..》


《然後你不用刻意去記...因為如果你很喜歡這女孩...你自然會記得...
你若不怎麼喜歡...那麼記了也沒用...》
有點玄ㄋㄟ,聽不太懂。
《痞子...因為女孩子若打電話給你...很喜歡讓你猜猜她是誰?..
一方面是好玩...另一方面也想測試你是否還有別的女人..
萬一你猜錯...或根本忘了她是誰...那怎麼辦?..
所以你一律稱呼她們為“寶寶”或“貝貝”就對了..
這就叫做“以不變應萬變”..》


阿泰拿出一本他所謂的“罹難者手冊”,裏面記載著被他征服過的女孩。
《痞子...你看看...這裏面的女孩子都沒有姓名...
基本上我是用身高體重三圍和生日來加以編號,並依個性分為五大類:
“B”為潑辣,“C”為冷酷,“H”為熱情,“N”為天真,“T”為溫柔..
備註欄寫上初吻發生的時間、地點...還有我挨了幾個巴掌..
以及當時的天候狀況..和她的穿著與口紅的顏色..》
太誇張了吧!..這樣也能混?..
《痞子...所以我說你道行太淺...天底下絕對沒有一個女孩子會相信
你能記得初吻的細節...卻忘了她姓名的荒誕事..
即使你此時不小心叫錯她的名字...她也會認為你在開玩笑..
於是會輕輕打一下你的肩膀...然後說“你好壞”..》


《痞子...千萬要記得...大丈夫能屈能伸...這一下你一定要挨..
然後要說:“對..我實在是很壞”...最好再加上一句:“我是說真的”..
女孩子很奇怪..你明明已經承認你很壞了..她反而會覺得你很善良有趣。
過了這關後..你就不會有良心上的譴責了..》
是嗎?為什麼呢?
《你已經告訴她實話..又說明了你的危險性..她若要飛蛾撲火也只好由她..
姜太公都已經不怎麼想釣魚了..魚兒還是硬要上鉤..你能有什麼辦法..》
阿泰說完,雙手一攤,一付無可奈何的樣子。


《痞子...你不要以為我很隨便..所謂盜亦有道..我其實是很有原則的..
我的原則是不到最後關頭,絕不輕易欺騙女孩子..》
我聽你在放X,你若有原則,那宮雪花就會是純情少女了。
《痞子...我再舉例來說明我的原則..女孩子常喜歡問我一些問題..
其中最棘手與最麻煩的問題就是:
“你是不是還有別的女朋友?..以及你以前到底交往過多少女朋友?”..》
沒錯,這兩個問題對阿泰而言,都是致命傷。
我不相信他能安全下莊而不撒謊。


《第一個問題的答案很簡單..我當然老實說我還有其他的女朋友..
而她們的名字都叫“貝貝”..因為我一直稱呼我的女友們為“貝貝”..
但問我問題的女孩子,會以為我都是在說她..
於是通常會帶點歉意對我說:“對不起,我誤會你了”...》
這麼好混?我不太相信ㄋㄟ。
《當然有一些比較難纏的女孩子..仍然會不太相信..
這時我就會發誓..而且愈毒愈好..因為我是說實話,也不怕遭報應..》


《至於第二個問題就比較高難度了..我會告訴她:“妳先說”..
如果她不說,皆大歡喜。如果她說了,我就會說:
“既然妳已說給我,何苦還要聽我說”..有時幸運點,可以混過去。
萬一她又追問“Why?”..我會回答:“聽到妳過去的情史,
使得愛妳的我內心多了一份嫉妒,也多了一份痛苦。
我不願同樣的嫉妒與痛苦,加諸在我愛的女孩身上”。..
這時應該已經混過去,但如果她就是要我說,我只好說:
“好..我招了..我一直以為在我的生命中,出現了XX個女孩。
但直到遇見妳,我才發現這些女孩根本不曾存在過”...》


『阿泰...你這樣不會太濫情嗎?..』
《非也非也...我這樣叫多情..》
『多情和濫情還不都是一樣...』
《痞子...這怎會一樣?..差一個字就不是純潔了喔!..
多情與濫情雖然都有個情字,但差別在“多”與“濫”..
“多”也者,豐富充足也。“濫”也者,浪費亂用也。
多未必會濫,濫也未必一定要多。
就像有錢人未必愛亂花錢,而愛亂花錢的也未必是有錢人。
但大家都覺得有錢人一定愛亂花錢。其實有錢人只是有很多錢可花而已。
有沒有錢是能力問題,但亂不亂花卻是個性問題。..
所以由此觀之,我算是一個很吝嗇的有錢人..》


開什麼玩笑?如果阿泰這樣叫吝嗇,那我叫啥?
《痞子...你當然比我吝嗇...不過那是因為你根本沒錢可花的緣故..》
shit!阿泰又藉機損我一頓。
《痞子...其實對女孩子真正危險的,不是像我這種吝嗇的有錢人..
而是明明沒錢卻到處亂花錢並假裝很有錢的人..》
阿泰如果還不危險,那我就是國家安全局的局長了。
《好了...今天的機會教育就到此...我現在要去赴C-163-47-33-23-32的約..
總之..你別問她的名字..“不聽情聖言,失戀在眼前”..懂嗎?..痞子..》
阿泰唱著“我現在要出征”,然後離開了研究室。


看在阿泰這麼苦口婆心的面子上,我只好聽他的勸。
因此我一直不知道輕舞飛揚的芳名。
而她也是一樣,並不問我的名字。
難道也有個女阿泰?我常常這麼納悶著。


深夜三點一刻已到,又該上工了。
「痞子...晚安...:)...今天過得好嗎?..」
其實我的生活是很機械而單純的,
所以我對生活的要求是:“不求有功,但求無過”,
只要沒發生什麼倒霉事,那就是很幸運了。
「痞子...那你今天倒霉嗎?..」


『今天還好,前幾天氣候不穩定,染上點風寒..』
「痞子...那你好點了嗎?..我很關心的ㄛ!..」
『早就好了...除了還有點頭痛發燒咳嗽流鼻水喉嚨痛和上吐下瀉外..』
「痞子...你真的很痞ㄋㄟ...你到底好了沒?..」
『只要能看到妳,自然會不藥而癒..』
「:)...」


又是這種全形字的笑臉符號。
這傢伙,我鼓起勇氣暗示她該討論見面的細節了,她竟然無動於衷。
『那妳今天過得好嗎?..美麗的輕舞飛揚小姐..』
輪到我發問了,在網路上聊天時,不能只處於挨打的角色。
而且我覺得今晚的她,有點奇怪。

「痞子...其實跟你聊天是我一天中最快樂的時間..」
她沒頭沒腦地送來這句,我的呼吸突然間變得急促了起來...
是緊張嗎?好像不是。跟她在一起,只有自然,沒有緊張。
應該算是有點感動吧!
我總算是對得起那些因為半夜跟她聊天而長出的痘子們。
「痞子...所以我很怕見了面後,我們就不會在這麼深的夜裏聊天..」


『姑娘何出此言?..』
「痞子...你很笨ㄋㄟ...那表示我長得不可愛...怕你失望而見光死..」
『那有什麼關係?..反正我長得也不帥..』
「痞子..那不一樣..你沒聽過“郎才女貌”嗎?..你有才我當然也得有貌..」
『我又有什麼狗屁才情了?..妳不要再混了..見面再說..』


「痞子..你講話有點粗魯ㄛ..我好歹也是個淑女ㄋㄟ..雖然是沒貌的淑女..」
『狗屁怎會粗魯?..粗的應該是狗的那隻...腿吧!..狗屁只是臭而已..』
「痞子..你講話好像跟一般正常人不太一樣ㄛ...我真是遇人不“俗”..」
『幹嘛還好像...我本來就不正常..』
「痞子..再給我一個見你面的理由吧!..」
『那還不簡單..妳因為不可愛所以沒有美貌..我則因講話粗魯所以沒有禮貌..
“同是天涯沒貌人...相逢何必太龜毛”...所以非見面不可..』

「痞子..好吧!..你挑個時間...:)..」
『揀日不如撞日...就是今晚七點半..地點輪妳挑..』
「大學路麥當勞..那裏比較亮..你才不會被嚇到..」
『OK..但妳要先吃完飯..我不想人財兩失..』
「痞子..你真的是欠罵ㄛ...」


to be continued ......
發信人: jht@bar (痞子蔡), 信區: novel
標 題: 第一次的親密接觸 (12)
發信站: 成大資訊所_BBS ( Apr 21 03:20:58 1998)
轉信站: bar



『我怎麼認妳?...妳千萬不要叫我拿一朵玫瑰花當作信物..』
拿朵花等個未曾謀面的人,那實在是一大蠢事。
而且很容易被放鴿子。
不然張學友幹嘛要唱:“我等到花兒也謝了”?


「我穿咖啡色休閒鞋,咖啡色襪子,咖啡色小喇叭褲,咖啡色毛線衣,
再背個咖啡色的背包..」
這麼狠!輸人不輸陣,我也不甘示弱:
『我穿藍色運動鞋,藍色襪子,藍色牛仔褲,藍色長袖襯衫,
再背個藍色的書包..』
除了藍色書包得向學弟借外,其它的裝備倒是沒有問題。

「痞子..你還是輸了ㄛ..我頭髮也挑染成咖啡色的ㄋㄟ..」
『妳既然“挑染”..那我只好也“挑藍”色的內褲來穿..』
「痞子..你少無聊了..輸了就要認..」
我怎麼可能會輸?
我真的有一套彩虹系列的內褲,紅澄黃綠藍靛紫,七色俱全。
因為我是典型的悶騷天蠍座,外表樸素,內在卻豔麗得很。
而且如果不小心忘了今天是星期幾時,看一下內褲就知道了。


「痞子..你先去收驚一下..待會見囉!..」
『我會的..那妳是否也該去收驚呢?..』
「痞子..我倒是不用..因為我本來就對你的長相不抱任何期望..」
horse's!臨走時還要將我一軍。

「痞子..我得早點睡..不然睡眠不足會讓我看起來很恐怖..」
『妳放心好了..如果妳看起來很恐怖,那絕對不是睡眠不足的緣故..』
大丈夫有仇必報,所以我也回將她一軍。
「痞子..那我先睡囉!..你也早點睡..:)..」
『好ㄚ!..我們一起睡吧!..』
「痞子..你佔我便宜ㄛ!..」
『非也非也..我所謂的“一起”,是時間上的一起,不是地點上的一起..』
「不跟你瞎掰了..睡眠不足可是美容的天敵ㄛ..晚安..痞子..」


離了線,本想好好地睡一覺,但翻來覆去,總是睡得不安穩。
迷迷糊糊中,好像變成“侏儸紀公園”裏那個被迅猛龍追逐的小男孩。
《痞子..吃中飯了..》
幸好阿泰及時叫醒我,救了我一命。


『阿泰..我今晚要跟輕舞飛揚見面..有點緊張..吃不下..』
《痞子..那你更應該吃飽飯..才有力氣逃生..》
『阿泰..別鬧了..給點建議吧!..』
《痞子..船在接近岸壁時,由於水波的反射作用,會使船垂直於岸壁..》
『所以呢?』
《所以這叫作“船到橋頭自然直”..別擔心..痞子..》


雖然有科學上的佐證,但我仍然是很緊張。
看看手錶,時間差不多了..
『阿泰..我要走了..』
《痞子..call機記得帶..我會罩你的..》
『我不想帶ㄋㄟ..無論如何..我想跟她好好地聊一聊..』
《荊軻..你放心地去吧!..風蕭蕭兮易水寒..壯士一去兮不復還..》
『阿泰..你能不能說點好聽的?..』
《沒問題..我待會去買酒..等你回來喝..》
『shit!你怎麼知道我一定會失戀?..』
《痞子..你誤會了..我買酒回來是準備晚上幫你慶功的..》
雖然知道阿泰是用ㄠ的,不過現在也沒有心情跟他抬槓了...


晚上七點半,這種時間來見從未見過面的人,是非常完美的。
通常這時大家都已吃完晚飯,所以不必費神去思考到那兒吃的問題。
不然光是決定吃什麼,就得耗去大半個小時。
而且重點是,吃飯得花較多的錢。
對我這種窮學生而言,“兵不血刃”是很重要的。


既然約在麥當勞,那麼等會乾脆直接進去麥當勞。
兩杯可樂,一份薯條就可以打發。可樂還不必叫大杯的。
而且也不用擔心吃相是否難看的問題。
記得阿泰有次和一個女孩子吃排餐,結果那女孩太緊張,
刀子一切,整塊牛排往阿泰臉上飛去。
所以第一次見面最好別吃飯。如果一定要吃飯,也絕不能吃排餐。
萬一雙方一言不合,才不會有生命的危險。

「痞子...你來得真早..」
當我正在發呆時,有個女孩從背後輕輕拍了一下我的肩膀。
雖然早已經有了心理準備,但我仍然被眼前的這位女孩所震驚。
如果不是她的咖啡色穿著,和叫我的那一聲痞子。
我會以為她只是來問路的。


在今天以前,我一直以為美女只存在於電視和電影中,
或是在過馬路時,匆匆地與你擦身而過。
而她,真的是很美。
有些女孩的美麗,是因人而異。換言之,你認為美的,我未必贊同。
但我肯定沒有人會質疑這個女孩子的美麗。


我沒有很高的文學造詣,所以要形容一個非常美麗的女子時,
就只有閉月羞花、沉魚落雁、國色天香和傾國傾城之類的老套。
只怪我是學工程的,總希望美麗是可以公式計算或用儀器測量。
但美麗畢竟只是美麗。
美麗是感性,而不是理性。

在成大,故老相傳著一句話:“自古紅顏多薄命,成大女生萬萬歲”..
如果一個女子的壽命真的跟她的美貌成反比的話,
那麼輕舞飛揚一定很短命。
這麼美麗的女子,是不應該和我的生活圈子有所交集。


也許是所謂的“物極必反”吧!
正因為我極度被她的美麗所震驚,所以我反而變得很平靜。
『吃過飯了吧!?...我們進去麥當勞裏面再聊..』
「痞子..你果然高桿ㄛ..這樣不失為省錢的好方法..」
被她洞悉我的用心,我只好傻笑著裝出一付無辜的樣子。


看在她這麼美麗的份上,可樂只好點大杯的,薯條也叫了兩份。
「痞子..這次你請我..下次我讓你請..」
開玩笑,我當然聽得出來她在佔我便宜。
但我高興的是,她說了“下次”。
那表示還會有下次。我不由得感到一股興奮。


「痞子..你信教嗎?..我是虔誠的基督徒,不介意我禱告吧!..」
『我是拿香拜拜的..不算信教..但我可以陪妳禱告..』
「痞子..你不要學梁詠琪的廣告說:“希望世界和平”ㄛ..」
『當然不會..我要為我皮包中陣亡的一百元鈔票祈禱..希望它能安息..』
「呵呵...痞子..你真的是很小氣ㄋㄟ..」
我第一次聽見她的笑聲,清清脆脆的,像炸得酥脆的麥當勞薯條。


「痞子..你看到我後..是不是很失望呢?..」
看到美女如果還會失望,那看到一般女孩不就絕望得想跳樓?..
『妳為什麼會覺得我該失望?..』
「因為我跟你說過我長得不可愛ㄚ!..所以你看到我後..一定很失望..」
原來她拐彎抹角地,就是想暗示說她長得其實是很可愛的。


『那為什麼妳要騙我說妳長得並不可愛呢?..』
「痞子..我只說我不可愛..我可沒說我不漂亮..」
這小姑娘說話的調調竟然跟我好像。
只可惜她太漂亮,不然當個痞子一定綽綽有餘。
「痞子..你也長得很斯文ㄚ!..不像你形容地那樣不堪入目..」
斯文?這種形容詞其實是很混的。
對很多女孩子而言,斯文的意思跟呆滯是沒什麼兩樣的。


我開始打量著坐在我面前的這位美麗的女孩。
美麗其實是一種很含糊的形容詞...因為美麗是有很多種的。
也許像冷若冰霜的小龍女;也許像清新脫俗的王語嫣。
也許像天真無邪的香香公主;也許像刁蠻任性的趙敏。
也許像聰慧狡黠的黃蓉;也許像情深義重的任盈盈。
但她都不像。
幸好她都不像,所以她不是小說中的人物。
她屬於現實的生活。


第一眼看到她時,我就被她的臉孔勾去了兩魂,被她的聲音奪走了六魄。
只剩下一魂一魄的我,根本來不及看清楚她身材的高矮胖瘦。
如今我終於可以仔細地端詳她的一切。
她很瘦,然而並非是弱不禁風的那種。
她的膚色很白...由於我沒看過雪,因此也不敢用“雪白”這種形容詞。
但因為她穿著一身咖啡色,於是讓我聯想到鮮奶油。
所以她就像是一杯香濃的咖啡。


她現在坐著,我無法判斷她的身高。
不過剛剛在點餐時,我看著她的眼睛,視線的俯角約20度..
我們六隻眼睛(我有四隻)的距離約20公分..
所以我和她身高的差異約=20*tan20度=7.3。
我171...因此她約164..
至於她的頭髮,超過肩膀10公分,雖還不到腰,但也算是很長了。
等等...她不是說頭髮已經挑染成咖啡色了...為何還是烏黑亮麗?

『妳的頭髮很黑ㄚ!..那裏有挑染成咖啡色的呢?..』
「痞子..挑染也者,挑幾根頭髮來染一染是也..因為我覺得好玩..
所以我自己染了幾根頭髮來意思意思..你覺得好看嗎?..」
她把頭髮輕輕撥到胸前,然後指給我看..
的確是“萬黑叢中一點咖啡”。
而且美女畢竟是美女,連隨手撥弄頭髮的儀態也是非常撩人。
『當然好看..妳即使理光頭,也是一樣明豔動人..』
「呵呵..痞子..別太誇獎我..我會驕傲的..」


我又聽見了她的笑聲。
古人常用“黃鶯出谷”和“乳燕歸巢”來形容聲音的甜美。
但這兩種鳥叫聲我都沒聽過,所以用來形容她的聲音是不科學的。
還是脆而不膩的麥當勞薯條比較貼切。
她的笑聲,就像沾了蕃茄醬的薯條,清脆中帶點酸甜。

『妳為何會偏愛咖啡色呢?..』
「因為我很喜歡喝咖啡ㄚ!..我最愛喝的就是曼巴咖啡..」
『我也常常喝咖啡..但我不懂“曼巴”是什麼?..』
「曼巴就是曼特寧咖啡加巴西咖啡嘛!..笨痞子..」
『哦..原來如此..那藍山咖啡加巴西咖啡不就叫做“藍巴”?..』
「呵呵..痞子..你在美女面前也敢這麼痞..我不禁要讚賞你的勇氣..」


『妳穿著一身咖啡色..不會覺得很奇怪嗎?..』
這是我最大的疑問。如果不知道謎底,我一定會睡不著覺。
總不至於愛喝咖啡就得穿一身咖啡色吧!?..
如果照這種邏輯,那愛喝西瓜汁就得一身紅;愛喝綠茶就得一身綠...
那愛喝汽水的,不就什麼顏色的衣服都不用穿了?


「痞子...你聽過“咖啡哲學”吧!?..」
『這是一家連鎖咖啡店..我當然聽過..』
「此哲學非彼哲學也...我的穿著就是一套咖啡哲學..閣下想聽嗎?..」
『有...有話請講...在下願聞其詳..』
差點忘了對方是個美女,趕緊把“有屁快放”吃到肚子裏..


「即使全是咖啡..也會因烘焙技巧和香、甘、醇、苦、酸的口感而有差異..
我的鞋襪顏色很深,像是重度烘焙的炭燒咖啡...焦、苦不帶酸..
小喇叭褲顏色稍淺,像是風味獨特的摩卡咖啡...酸味較強..
毛線衣的顏色更淺,像是柔順細膩的藍山咖啡...香醇精緻..
而我背包的顏色內深外淺,並點綴著裝飾品,則像是Cappuccino咖啡..
表面浮上新鮮牛奶,並撒上迷人的肉桂粉...既甘醇甜美卻又濃郁強烈..」


我愣了半晌,說不出話來。
我不禁再次打量著坐在我面前的這位美麗的女孩。
在今晚以前,她只不過是網路上的一個遊魂而已。只有ID,沒有血肉。
如今她卻活生生地坐在我面前,跟我說話,對我微笑,揭我瘡疤。
直到此刻,我才有作夢的感覺。
或者應該說是打從在麥當勞門口見到她時,我就已經在作夢了。
只是現在我才發覺是在夢境裏。


「呵呵..痞子..你又當機了嗎?..你idle了好久ㄛ..」
又不是在網路上,當什麼機?..不過她的笑聲倒是又把我拉回了現實。
『我在思考一個合適的形容詞來讚美妳的冰雪聰明..』
「狗腿也沒有用ㄛ!..輪到你說你一身藍色的原因..不然你就要認輸..」
認輸?..開什麼玩笑,蔡某人的字典裏沒有這兩個字。


藍色的確是我的最愛,但怎麼掰呢?
她剛剛的那套“咖啡哲學”掰得真好,看來她的智商不遜於她的外表。
既然她以哲學為題,那我乾脆用力學接招吧!
「因為我唸流體力學,而水流通常是藍色的,所以我喜歡藍色...」

『然後呢?..Mr. 痞子...不要太逞強ㄛ!..輸給美女又不是件丟臉的事..
而且“英雄難過美人關”..不是嗎?..』
她輕輕咬著吸管,似笑非笑地看著我..
這招夠毒...如果我過了這關,就表示我不是英雄;
但過不了這關,縱然是英雄,也只是個認輸的英雄。
管他的..反正我只是個痞子,又不是什麼英雄好漢..


「即使全是水流..也會因天候狀況和冷、熱、深、淺、髒的環境而有差異..
我的鞋襪顏色很深,像是太平洋的海水...深沉憂鬱..
牛仔褲顏色稍淺,又有點泛白,像漂著冰山的北極海水...陰冷詭譎..
襯衫的顏色更淺,像是室內游泳池的池水...清澈明亮..
而我書包的顏色外深內淺,並有深綠的背帶,就像是澄清湖的湖水..
表面浮上幾尾活魚,並有兩岸楊柳的倒影...既活潑生動卻又幽靜典雅..」


這次輪到她當機了。
看到她也是很仔細地打量著我,我不禁懷疑她是否也覺得在作夢?
但我相信我的外表是不足以讓她產生作夢的感覺。
即使她也同時在作夢,我仍然有把握我的夢會比她的夢甜美。

「呵呵..痞子..算你過關了..」
『過關有獎品嗎?..要不然獎金也可以..』
「當然有獎品ㄚ!..我不是正在對你微笑嗎?..」
『這的確是最好的獎品..但太貴重了..我也笑幾個還妳..』
「痞子..美女才能一笑傾城..你笑的話,可能只會傾掉我手中的這杯可樂..」
※&@#☆....


「痞子..我唸外文..你呢?..」
『弟本布衣,就讀於水利..茍全成績於系上,不求聞達於網路..』
「痞子..你幹嘛要學諸葛亮的“出師表”?..」
『我以為這樣會使我看起來好像比較有學問..』
「幹嘛還好像..你本來就很有學問ㄚ!..」
沒想到她竟開始學起我說話的語氣..
但同樣一句很機車的話,為什麼由她說來卻令人如此舒服?

「痞子..我3月15出生,是雙魚座..你呢?..」
『我11月13出生,是天蠍座..問這幹嘛?..』
「我只想知道我們合不合嘛!..」
『天底下沒有不合的星座..只有不合的人..』
「痞子..夠酷的回答..讓我們為這句話痛快地乾一杯吧!..」
她舉起盛著可樂的杯子,學著武俠小說的人物,作勢要乾杯...


看到一個活潑可愛的女孩子,學男人裝豪邁,是件很好玩的事。
所以我也舉起同樣盛著可樂的杯子,與她乾杯。
也因此我碰到了她的手指。
大概是因為可樂的關係吧!..她的手指異常冰冷。
這是我第一次接觸到她。
然後在我腦海裏閃過的,是“親密”兩個字。


為什麼是“親密”?..而不是“親蜜”?
蜜者,甜蜜也。..密者,秘密也。
如果每個人的內心,都像是鎖了很多秘密的倉庫。
那麼如果你夠幸運的話,在你一生當中,
你會碰到幾個握有可以打開你內心倉庫的鑰匙。
但很多人終其一生,內心的倉庫卻始終未曾被開啟。


而當我接觸到她冰冷的手指時,我發覺那是把鑰匙。
一把開啟我內心倉庫的鑰匙...


「痞子..那你平常做何消遣?..」
『除了唸書外..大概就是電視電影和武俠小說而已..』
「你都看那種電影?..」
『我最愛看A片..』
「痞子..美女也是會踹人的ㄛ..」
『姑娘誤會了...A片也者..American片是也..A片是簡稱..』


「既然你這麼說..那我們下次一起去看A片吧!..」
大概她的音量有點大..所以隔壁桌的一對男女訝異地望著我們..
而她也自覺失了言..聳了聳肩膀..吐了吐舌頭..
「痞子..都是你害的..」
真是的..自己眼睛斜還怪桌子歪..

「那你都不聽音樂會?..或歌劇、舞台劇之類的?..美術展也不看?..」
『聽音樂會我會想睡覺..歌劇和舞台劇我又看不懂..
美術展除非是裸女圖,不然我也不看..而且如果要看裸女,
PLAYBOY和PENTHOUSE裏多的是..既寫實又逼真..何必去看別人用畫的..』


「痞子..你真老實ㄛ..你不怕你這樣說我會覺得你沒水準?..」
『子曰:“知之為知之,不知為不知,是知也!”..
不懂就不懂..幹嘛要裝懂?..
更何況既然說是消遣..當然愈輕鬆愈好..又不是要用來提高自己的水準..』


「痞子..你真的是所謂的“一言九頂”ㄛ...我講一句..你頂九句..」
『哦..那我應該如何?..』
「你應該開始學著欣賞音樂會..還有歌劇和舞台劇..以及美術展..」
『幹嘛?..』
「這樣我下次才有伴可以陪我去看ㄚ!..」
會的..為了妳,我會學習的。
我在心裏這麼告訴我自己...

「痞子..我們下次也一起喝咖啡..好嗎?..」
『等等...妳今天說了很多“下次”ㄛ..那下次我們到底是吃飯?..看A片?..
聽音樂會?..看歌劇舞台劇或美術展?..還是喝咖啡?..』
「呵呵..對ㄏㄡ..我怎麼也學李登輝一樣亂開支票...這樣吧!..讓你選..」
『單選題還是複選題?..』


「痞子..你想得美唷!..只能選一樣..」
『那看A片好了..』
「痞子..你應該選擇聽音樂會的..因為聽完音樂會後..我會想喝杯咖啡..
喝完咖啡後精神很好..就會想看場電影..看完電影後肚子餓了..
就會想吃飯...唉!..我實在為你覺得相當惋惜..」
怎麼會惋惜?..我倒覺得很慶幸..
不然一下子做了這麼多事..我皮包裏的三軍將士不就全軍覆沒了?..

「哇!..慘了..快12點了..我得趕快走人了..」
她看一下手錶,然後叫了起來..
『妳該不會住在學校宿舍吧!?..如果是的話..已經超過11點半了ㄋㄟ..』
「我在外面租房子..所以不擔心這個..」
『那妳擔心什麼?..擔心我會變狼人?..今晚又不是滿月..』
「痞子..“仙履奇緣”裏的灰姑娘到了午夜12點..是會變回原形的..」
『那沒關係..妳留下一隻鞋子..我自然會去找妳..』
「既然你這麼說..那我只好...」
她竟然真的彎下身去...不過她卻是把鞋帶綁得更緊一點..


推開了麥當勞大門,午夜的大學路,變得格外冷清..
『妳住那?..我送妳..』
「就在隔壁的勝利路而已..很近..」
走著走著..她在一輛腳踏車前停了下來..
不會吧!?...連腳踏車也是咖啡色的!..
「咖啡色的車身..白色的座墊..像是溫合的法式牛奶咖啡..
這是最適合形容柔順浪漫的雙魚座個性的咖啡了..痞子..輪到你ㄠ了..」


她竟然還留這麼一手..難怪人家說“最毒婦人心”。
不過..天助我也..因為我的機車是一輛老舊破爛的藍色野狼。
『藍色的油缸..黑色的座墊..像是漂滿油污的高雄港海水..
這是最適合形容外表涼薄內心深情的天蠍座個性的水了..』


「痞子..恭喜你..你可以正式開始約我了..」
到了她家樓下..她突然說出這句讓我感到晴天霹靂的話..
“晴天霹靂”原本是不好的形容詞..但因為我愛雨天,所以霹靂一下反而好。
『明天下午一點..這裏見..我的老規矩..妳先吃完飯..』
「OK..沒問題..我的老規矩..你請客..」


她轉身打開了公寓大門..然後再回頭對我傾城一笑..
我抬起頭..看到四樓由陰暗轉為明亮..
我放心地踩動我的藍色野狼..離開了這條巷子...


我精神恍忽地回到系館,爬到位於三樓的研究室。
今天才知道,一樓到三樓,共有53階樓梯..
坐在pc前,凝視著空白的螢幕,腦海裏同樣也是一片空白...
我所受到的訓練,只是教我如何分辨亞臨界流和超臨界流..
至於現實與夢境之分,我不曉得該用那條方程式去判斷..


《荊軻!..荊軻你竟然還能活著回來!?...秦王的頭呢?..》
幸好是看到阿泰,我終於知道我現在不是在夢境裏..
因為我沒那麼倒霉..阿泰這傢伙是不可能出現在我的夢境裏的。
《唉!..可憐的痞子..你一定是“驚豔”了..被她的外表嚇死了吧!..》


『嘿嘿..阿泰..我的確是驚豔..不過是驚喜的驚..而非驚恐的驚..』
阿泰突然放下手中的兩瓶麒麟啤酒,露出懷疑的眼神..
《真的假的?..那豈不是一朵鮮花插在..》
我暗運內力,準備當聽到“牛糞”兩個字時,給他一記降龍十八掌..
《插在一個高雅的花瓶中..果真是英雄美女..才子佳人..相得益彰ㄚ!..》
阿泰果然了得..雖然有張毒辣的嘴巴,但同時還有靈敏的反應..


《痞子..說說看..長得如何?..什麼系的?..》
『她唸外文..至於長相..大概可以讓你的六宮粉黛無顏色..』
《不可能吧!?..自從小萍那一屆畢業後..外文系已經每下愈況,後繼無人了..
而且在我的轄區內..怎麼可能會有我不認識的美女?..》


『阿泰..我想你已經老了..“江山代有美女出,各領風騷好幾年”..
美女這東西..就像“長江後浪推前浪”一樣..一浪接著一浪..數不完的..』
《說得也是..不過我實在不相信成大女生的浪會有多高..》
說真的..我也不相信..套句我的專業術語..成大女生可以“碎波”來形容。
所謂的碎波就是波浪由深海傳遞至淺海時,由於水深變淺所導致..
因為成大的水深太淺了..所以可算是有名的“碎波帶”..


《不過美女也實在夠慘..俗話說:“癡漢偏騎良馬走,巧妻常伴拙夫眠”..
由此觀之..紅顏果真薄命也..》
『阿泰..人家說我有才氣ㄋㄟ..我們這算是名符其實的“郎才女貌”..』
《痞子..這是應酬的場面話..不要太當真..你又不是我,怎麼會有才氣?..
照我看來..你們算是“Beauty and Beast”..現實生活版的美女與野獸..》
『我是Beast...那你呢?..』
《我比你少一個a...所以我是Best..》


阿泰竟然處處跟我作對,看來他今晚的約會一定是刀光劍影..
『阿泰..你今天的約會很慘ㄏㄡ!?..』
《喔..你是說B-161-48-34-25-33這個女孩嗎?..我挨了她一個巴掌..》
『哈哈哈!..你一定是未經許可,就想吻她..所以才挨打吧!?..』
《不是的..是我得到了她的允許..卻還不肯吻..》
※&@#☆....【註】:這句話即是所謂的十元買早餐,八元買豆干..
《我是說真的..因為我不喜歡她口紅的顏色..》
哇ㄌㄟ...連口紅顏色也挑..太挑食了吧!
難怪很多人常感嘆這世間有些人一無所有..有些人卻得到太多..


《痞子..俗話說:“千軍易得,一將難求”..又說:“兵貴精不貴多”..
所以你算是好狗運..比我幸運多了..》
『可是我覺得我沒辦法搞定她ㄋㄟ..她有點古靈精怪..常喜歡考我..』
《痞子..你沒聽說過:“將在謀不在勇”嗎?..雖然你無勇無謀..
但有我這個智勇雙全的人幫你..你放心好了..不要擔心我的能力..》
我擔心的..不是你的能力..而是你的個性..


《痞子..別開玩笑了..“朋友妻,不可欺”..我會是那種人嗎?..》
你是那種覺得“朋友妻,不欺,朋友會生氣”的那種人。
《痞子..別鬧了..快告訴我..還發生了什麼事?..》
不知道ㄋㄟ..反正就是聊天嘛!..還能幹嘛?..
《那她有沒有罵你?..》
她幹嘛罵我?..我一不油腔滑調..二不毛手毛腳..又不像你..
《痞子..那你要走的路還很長ㄛ!..》
是嗎?..我又不是變態,為什麼一定要挨罵才會痛快呢?..


《痞子..你有沒有聽過“愛之深,責之切”這句話?..》
『阿泰..有屁就快放..別老是翹起屁股,然後停頓下來..』
《這句話的意思就是說..當一個女孩子愛你愈“深”時..
她責備你時就愈會咬牙“切”齒..》
那怎麼辦?..她今天一直在笑ㄋㄟ..除了我講A片時..她稍為瞪我一下..
《那還好..聊勝於無..有瞪總比沒瞪好..》


我沒有告訴阿泰..即使她瞪著我..
我仍然覺得她的眼神裏,滿是笑意...


《痞子..既然你沒什麼失戀的感覺..那啤酒就不用喝了..》
其實這是我跟阿泰之間的默契,酒確實是失戀時的天敵。
但是失戀程度應該和酒精濃度成反比..亦即愈是失戀..喝的酒愈淡..
不然當你失戀時是很容意酗酒的..喝太多烈酒豈不傷心傷肝又傷身?
所以我常喝酒精濃度最淡的生啤酒...但特殊日子不在此限..
因此中國情人節失戀時可喝高粱..西洋情人節失戀時則喝XO..


《痞子..我們改喝SUNTORY的角瓶威士忌吧!..》
『那這兩瓶麒麟啤酒呢?..』
《先冰著..反正過兩天你大概就可以喝了..》
『shit!..你那麼有把握我一定會失戀?..』
《痞子..我是就事論事..不是做人身攻擊..我實在找不出你不失戀的理由..》


阿泰倒了兩杯SUNTORY..金黃色的威士忌..跟他襯衫的顏色好像..
『像太陽般金黃色的酒漿..有稜有角的冰塊和酒杯..
這是最適合形容樂觀開朗,正直坦率的射手座個性的酒了..』
《痞子..你腦袋秀逗了嗎?..》
『sorry!..我這是被輕舞飛揚訓練出來的反射動作..
看到有顏色的飲料,就得聯想到星座特質..』


《痞子..那輕舞飛揚是屬於什麼型的?..B?..C?..H?..N?..or T?..》
『都不像ㄋㄟ..她比較像S型..』
《又不是考汽車駕照..那來的S型?..》
『聰明慧黠型..英文叫smart..所以是S型..』
《痞子..不會分類就不要亂分..你如果說是S型..人家會以為是sexy..》
人家?..大概只有你這種思想邪惡的人吧!?..


『阿泰..明天我要和她去看電影ㄋㄟ..有沒有什麼好片?..』
《問我就對了..最近剛上映的“鐵達尼號”..已經造成轟動了..
而且這部片子也變成另一種判斷性別的指標了..》
『判斷性別?..你在扯啥?..』
《痞子..最近流行一句話..看鐵達尼而不哭泣者,其人必不是女的..》
不會這麼誇張吧!?..我怎麼都沒聽過?..


《痞子..你不是江湖中的人物..所以這種事你是不會知道的..
“鐵達尼號”我已經看了三遍..當然是跟三個不同的女孩子..
包括今晚的B-161-48-34-25-33..昨晚的C-163-47-33-23-32..
還有上星期的T-160-43-32-24-32..她們的第一志願就是“鐵達尼號”..》
『好看嗎?..』
《女主角胖了一點..尤其是腰部..不過胸部還不錯..臀部也頗具風味..》
『我是問你電影情節..你扯女主角的身材幹嘛?..』
《喔!..抱歉..我日本AV片看太多了..而AV片的好看與否..跟情節是無關的..
只跟女演員的身材好壞..長相美醜..與叫聲大小有密切相關..
所以淺倉舞、飯島愛、憂木瞳和白石瞳才會那麼有名..》


『阿泰..快告訴我電影情節..別再扯一些有的沒的..』
《好像就是一艘船..撞到了冰山..然後開始沉沒..有的人大呼小叫逃難..
有的人處變不驚演奏音樂..還有人很倒霉地被銬在船艙裏..
然後男主角沉到海底..女主角Rose被救起..還一直活到90幾歲..》
『那為什麼女孩子看完後就會流眼淚呢?..』
《我也不知道..當男主角Jack鬆開了手..沉入冰冷的海底時..
電影院裏就開始哀鴻遍野...》
Jack?..竟然跟我的英文名字一樣..
看來我以前的暱稱叫“深情的Jack”的確有先見之明..


『阿泰..那你都不會覺得心痛嗎?..』
《當然會ㄚ!..當老Rose把那顆“海洋之心”丟到海裏時..我的確很心痛..》
跟阿泰這種人討論藝術..我可算是自取其辱了..
《不過有一點值得注意的是..她們看完電影後..一定會問我相同的問題..
那就是:“If I jump,Do you jump?”..》
是嗎?..問這種問題,不會太無聊嗎?..
《痞子..女孩子最喜歡問這種假設性的問題..但卻要求得到肯定性的答案..》
那怎麼辦?..如果照實回答..豈不自尋死路?
《不會ㄚ!..我都會回答說:“答案是肯定的”..》
你少唬我..照這種跳法..你不是早就得世界跳水冠軍?..


《痞子..我只說答案是肯定的..我又沒說肯定會..還是肯定不會..
我才沒那麼傻ㄌㄟ..如果她jump..我當然“肯定”不會跳..》
『阿泰..你又在混了..』
《痞子..所以我說你要走的路還很長..
這種簡單明瞭的回答,包含了多少人生的哲理與情場的智慧..
舉例來說..如果有一天女孩子問你:“你會不會永遠只愛我一個?”時..
一句“當然”就可應付過去了..但到底是當然會..還是當然不會..
就只有你自己心裏知道..》


『萬一她很聰明..繼續問你:“當然會?..還是當然不會?”時..怎麼辦?』
《痞子..這種聰明的女孩子太少了..說得上是可遇而不可求..
不過如果她真的這樣問..你還是可以回答:“當然會”..》
『那豈不是撒謊了?..』
《笨蛋..你心裏想的是:“我當然會不只愛妳一個”..
這就是所謂的“返璞歸真”..到了這種境界..
你便不需要任何甜蜜動聽的謊言..也能夠達到欺敵的效果了..》


跟阿泰喝完酒,也已經快深夜三點了。
不禁又開始回想起今晚和輕舞飛揚見面時的細節..
幸好我沒有寫日記的習慣,不然今晚發生的一切..我真不知道該如何下筆?
要不是剛剛碰到阿泰的話..這樣的夜,就可以叫做完美。
然而進展地如此順利,卻反而令我不安..
孟子有云:“生於憂患,死於安樂”..
也許我和輕舞飛揚間,只是一種“迴光返照”的現象..


研究室窗外的那隻野貓,又開始叫了..
雖然聲音低沉了許多,但仍然是三長一短..看來這隻野貓也是很有原則的..
不過牠今天的喉嚨大概出了點狀況..
我想我應該拿瓶京都念慈庵川貝枇杷膏給牠潤喉一下..
而且還是那種有孝親圖樣的正牌枇杷膏。
以前我總是依賴牠當我的鬧鐘,以便準時在三點一刻上線..
後來慢慢地不再需要牠了..
因為時候一到..我的精神總是特別興奮和抖擻..
如果有天沒在深夜三點一刻的網路上碰到輕舞飛揚..我一定會渾身不對勁。


聽說這種情形在心理學上,叫做“制約反應”。
所以我想,我大概是被輕舞飛揚“制約”了..
而那隻野貓,也許也是被其她的性感野貓們所制約。
於是時間一到..牠開始Call Spring..我也打開pc,上了線...


「痞子..晚安ㄚ!..今天累嗎?..」
說我不驚訝是騙人的..說我不累也是騙人的..
尤其在心情像是坐了一次雲霄飛車後..加上酒精的催化..我只想好好睡一覺..
如果不是我已經被她制約了..我是絕對不會在這時候還上線的..
而她為什麼也在這時候上線?..她不累嗎?..難道她也被我“制約”了?..


『好久不見了..妳好嗎?..』
「痞子..你又吃錯藥了..我們才分別3個小時而已ㄚ!..:)..」
古人有“一日不見,如隔三秋”之嘆..如果真是這樣的話..
那我們大概有3*365/8≒137天沒見..當然可以算很久了..


「呵:)..痞子..那你想我嗎?..」
『A.想 B.當然想 C.不想才怪 D.想死了 E.以上皆是..The answer is E..』
「如何想法呢?..」
『A.望穿秋水不見伊人來 B.長相思,摧心肝 C.相思淚,成水災
D.牛骨骰子鑲紅豆--刻骨相思 E.以上皆是.. The answer is still E..』
「呵呵..:)...」
看來她真的也累了..
雖然“呵”是笑聲,但此時我卻覺得她在打“呵”欠..


「痞子..我們會“見光死”嗎?..」
其實網友一旦見了面後,結局通常都很悲慘..
就像阿泰一樣..如果不甚滿意..就會把她們從好友名單中剔除..
免得日後在線上碰到..觸景傷情..所以乾脆來個眼不見為淨..
如果對方先送Message來問好..阿泰就會說要去上課了、要去吃飯了、
要跟朋友去玩了、要去睡覺了...然後手忙腳亂地離線..
這就是所謂的“君子不立於危牆之下”之逃難法..
要不然就會說:“真可惜..難得又遇上妳..奈何造化弄人..事與願違..
現有俗事纏身..不得不走耳..只得灑淚而別..抱憾而歸..肝腸寸斷矣”..
這就是所謂的“睜眼說瞎話”之逃難法..


「為什麼網路和現實總會有那麼大的差異呢?..」
因為在網路上,妳根本無法看到對方的表情..聽到對方的語氣..
所以只好將喜怒哀樂用簡單的符號表示..
例如笑臉符號就有“:)”、“^_^”、“:P”、“^O^”..等等。
但如果喜怒哀樂真能用符號表示的話,就不會叫做喜怒哀樂了..
換言之..當對方送來任何一種笑臉符號時,誰又能把握他正在笑呢?..
也許他心裏抱著“買賣不成仁義在”的心態,跟妳應酬個幾句..
因此對陌生的兩個人而言,網路有時只能縮短認識的時間而已..
未必能拉近彼此的距離..


「痞子..網路上的我..跟現實的我..會有很大的差異嗎?..」
網路就像一層很安全的防護罩,不僅遮蔽了風雨,但同時也擋住了陽光..
隔著這層防護罩去觀察一個人,當然會有誤差..
但對於妳..輕舞姐姐..或是飛揚妹妹..我卻沒有隔著防護罩看人的感覺..
或者應該說是..妳根本沒有這層防護罩。
現在妳若送來半形符號“:)”..我彷彿就能看見妳微微揚起的嘴角..
妳若送來全形符號“:)”..我彷彿就能看見妳滿是笑意的眼神..
妳若送來“呵”..我彷彿就能聽見妳那像麥當勞薯條的笑聲。
所以網路不僅縮短了我們認識的時間..更拉近了我們之間的距離..


「痞子..我很希望你現在不是彷彿..而是根本就能看到我對你的微笑..」
是ㄚ!..我現在也很想看到妳的微笑..
不過這也是網路上的另一特點:雖然迅速,但並不完美..
而且如果現在真能看到妳..我又要被妳美麗的外表所蒙蔽..
於是不得不狗腿一番..
倒不如像現在一樣..隔著螢幕..然後仔細去品味另一種形式的妳..


「痞子..為什麼你一看到我..就得稱讚我的外表呢?..
難道你不怕我會因此而覺得你很膚淺嗎?..」
這那有為什麼..看到美女便稱讚是屬於男人的反射動作..不受大腦所控制..
我當然知道這有拍馬屁之嫌..奈何我笨拙的頭腦無法阻止我靈活的嘴巴..
一旦我的眼睛接觸到美麗的形象而傳遞到大腦..
在大腦尚未下達指令是否該讚美時..我的嘴巴就已經決定先斬後奏了..
這叫“嘴在外,腦命有所不受”的道理..
也叫“箭在弦上,不得不發”..
而且與其不講讚美妳的話而讓我覺得昧著良心..
倒不如講真話讚美妳而讓妳覺得我很膚淺..
這也是另一種形式的“兩害相權取其輕也”的道理...


「痞子..可以了ㄛ!..我會被你訓練得愈來愈驕傲ㄋㄟ..」
『沒辦法..這是孟子教我的..“余豈好讚美哉..余不得已也”..』
「痞子..別再三八了..」
『好吧!..今天的讚美就到此為止..輪到妳讚美我了..』
「痞子..與其講假話讚美你而讓你覺得我很膚淺..
倒不如不講讚美你的話而讓我覺得對得起良心..
這也叫“兩害相權取其輕也”的道理..」
現世報來得真快..
原來網路上果真什麼都迅速..連報應都來得特別地快..


「痞子..其實在網路上我反而更可以看清楚你真正的模樣..
也就是說..I see you true color..」
『“I see you true color ”?..這句話的意思是..“我看你真色”?..
妳真的覺得我很“色”嗎?..』
「痞子..你的英文要加強了..這是辛蒂露波的一首英文歌..
true color 的意思是真正的你..而不是說你真色..」
喔!..原來如此..嚇我一跳..
在外文系女孩的面前得注意自己的英文程度..
就像在水利系男孩的面前得記住要節約用水..


「痞子..那你能用一句話形容我的外表以及你對我的感覺嗎?..」
『很簡單..就是“嬌豔欲滴”..』
「小女子才疏學淺、資質駑鈍..願聞其詳..」
『因為妳“嬌豔”如花..於是我口水“欲滴”..所以是“嬌豔欲滴”..』
「呵呵:)..痞子..我會讓你害得睡不著覺..」
對ㄏㄡ..差點忘了明天還有約..不能像平常一樣逗她..
該讓她睡了..


『妳該去睡了ㄛ!..』
「再一下下就好..而且你還沒告訴我..你累了嗎?..」
『還好..有點累..那妳呢?..』
「我好累ㄋㄟ..不過沒上線跟你說晚安的話..我真的會睡不著..」
『me too..』
既然雙方都很累了..為什麼還要做這種無聊的事?..
躺下去睡覺不是很好?..何苦一手打鍵盤,一手打呵欠?..
我和她也許是同時想到了這層道理..所以接下來是一陣沉默..


「痞子..明天我們看那部電影呢?..」
『到時再說..反正重點是跟誰看..而不是看那片..』
阿泰的名言..稍微修改一下..還是很好用的..
「痞子..那你明天騎車小心點..我會在樓下等你..」
『OK..衝著妳這句話..我會小心的..那妳爬樓梯也要小心點..』
「痞子..別再無聊了..明天見囉!..晚安..:)..」
『Good night..See you later..So long..Bye-bye..晚安..Sayonara..
卡早睡卡有眠..』

一覺醒來,12點半多了..哇ㄌㄟ..
今天是1997年的最後一天..因為是星期三..所以得穿黃色內褲..
幸好當初在成功嶺上的訓練還算有效..洗澡刷牙加洗臉僅花了X分鐘..
而且X≦10..不禁又開始陶醉於自己的機動敏捷..
但現在不是陶醉的時候,趕緊拿了鑰匙,衝下樓去..


跨上我的野狼,在牠尚未熱身完畢時,我油門一催,揚長而去..
我的飆車技巧,宛如游龍與狡兔,很可惜當初沒去混飛車黨或當飆車族..
突然想到昨晚答應她騎車要小心的..大丈夫豈能言而無信?..
所以我在闖紅燈時,很小心地注意看有沒有交通警察..


瞄了一下手錶,危險了..可能會遲到個幾分鐘..
我跟輕舞飛揚只要一相約,斷無遲到之理..
連續場次的安打記錄,絕不能在這場球中斷..
“人之將死,其腦也快”..急中生智的結果..將手錶撥慢五分鐘..
而且在接近她家的巷口時,放慢了車速..


「痞子..你早ㄚ!..」
她講話好像有點嘲弄的味道..並舉起她的左手手腕,在我面前晃一晃..
『妳的手錶真漂亮..果然是“帥哥騎爛車,美女戴好錶”..』
「痞子..別裝蒜了..你是否該說些什麼呢?..」
『Sorry..我疏忽了..我只注意到妳的手錶..忘了稱讚妳那潔白如玉的手腕..
我真可說是“見木不見林”..手錶再怎麼漂亮..跟妳的纖纖玉手比起來..
就像螢火之光碰到皓月之明..不堪一擊..不堪一擊ㄚ!..』


「痞子..你還在裝傻..你遲到3分鐘了..我的手錶現在是1點03分..」
『是嗎?..可是我的手錶現在是12點58分ㄋㄟ..』
我也舉起我的左手手腕,在她面前晃一晃..
「呵呵..好吧!..原諒你了..」


『看那部呢?..帶漂亮手錶的輕舞飛揚小姐..』
「你先說吧!..調慢手錶時間的痞子蔡先生..」
原來她還是知道這種手法..我只好乾笑了幾聲..
『阿泰說“鐵達尼號”不錯..妳覺得呢?..』
「真巧..我室友也跟我推薦這部片子..」
『那她看完後有哭嗎?..』
「有ㄚ!..哭得唏哩嘩啦的..所以我多帶了一條手帕和一包面紙..」
『那到南台戲院好嗎?..2點20分有一場..』
「好..我聽你的..」


嗯..還有很多時間..仔細看一看她居住的環境..
這條巷子很靜..又有一些花花草草..使這條巷子看起來很美..
果然是地靈人傑,什麼人住什麼環境..這的確是個出產美女的好地方..
其實我住的地方也不錯,但可惜的是巷口總會有一堆垃圾..
我想大概是因為阿泰也住在那裏的關係吧!


「痞子..別發呆了..聽說人很多ㄋㄟ..早點去買票吧!..」
『好ㄚ!..走吧!..妳有機車嗎?..』
「沒有ㄋㄟ..我只有那輛像法式牛奶咖啡的腳踏車而已..」
『那我只好用這輛像高雄港海水的野狼機車載妳了..不介意吧!?..』
「我不會介意..只是會有點嫌棄..呵呵..」


她從背包裏拿出了一副太陽眼鏡..不用說..鏡片一定是咖啡色的..
今年台南的冬天很溫暖..我在耶誕節那天還穿短袖的..
所以她今天的穿著很簡單..米色的長褲..橘紅色的線衫..
『今天不穿咖啡色的衣服了嗎?..』
「呵呵..痞子..今天休兵一天..免得你跟我在一起時老是擔心我會考你..」
『沒錯..這的確是認輸的好藉口..』
「呵呵..痞子..我不能曬太陽..只好戴副太陽眼鏡..不介意吧!?..」
『我不會介意..只是替妳美麗的眼睛覺得有點可惜..』
「痞子..別鬧了..快走吧!..」


坐上我的機車後座,她的手輕輕勾著我褲子上的皮帶環..
因為那隻野狼的後座並無鐵桿..所以她沒有任何可以抓住的地方..
阿泰常羨慕我有這種配備..他說這樣一來..只要換檔時故意稍有不順..
就可以感受到後方襲來的波濤洶湧..
不過我才沒那麼無聊..我反而更加小心地換檔..


『今天天氣真好..是吧!?..』
我從沒有轉身跟她聊天的經驗..所以講出這麼老土的話是可以被原諒的..
「對ㄚ!..今天太陽也很圓..不是嗎?..呵呵..」
她總是能用笑聲適時地化解我的緊張..
『聽說“迷死佛陀”和“Old Lady”(歐蕾)的防曬系列不錯..
下次帶妳去買..』
「好ㄚ!..你買給我的話..我就會擦..」
“是非只為多開口,煩惱皆因強出頭”..古人誠不欺我也..


今天的天氣真的很好..不冷不熱不溼不悶..身在台南的確是一種幸福..
雖然說“生命誠可貴,罰錢價更高”..但我們都沒帶安全帽..
微風輕輕地吹拂..我聞到了她身上淡淡的香氣..
記得我有次坐遠航的飛機,因為忘了繫安全帶..
一位美麗的空中小姐彎下腰來提醒我時..她的身上也有類似的香味..
從此以後..我上飛機便不繫安全帶..除非碰到那種空中歐巴桑..
男人也算是一種奇怪的動物..很容易讓他的視覺影響到他的嗅覺..
所以對男人而言..凡是美女,其人必香..這就是所謂的“以偏概全”..


即使我很小心地換檔,但在加速與煞車之間,我們難免會有些碰觸..
而且她總在我耳邊輕聲細語..我不知怎的,一直覺得耳根發燙..
我寧願相信那是因為一般人呼出的氣體中..含有高量二氧化碳的因素..
雖然我知道這不是事實..
我終於能體會“倚天屠龍記”第四集裏,張無忌抱著趙敏時..
非常希望路能永遠走不完的感覺..


進了友愛街..經過南台戲院的大門..
哇sai!..擠了一堆人..難道今天是看免費的?..
只好轉到中正路..找找可以停車的地方..
「痞子..你乾脆寄車好了..幹嘛還要繞來繞去?..」
『別開玩笑了..這種行將就木的爛車..去寄車會被笑的..』
「呵呵..痞子..連這種錢也省..你真的不是普通的小氣ㄛ..」


果然天無絕人之路..被我瞄到了一個車位..
停好車..她把太陽眼鏡收進背包裏..
並從背包裏拿出個咖啡色梳子和一個蝴蝶形狀的髮夾..
她嘴巴咬著那隻蝴蝶..然後理了一下她的長髮..並簡單地綁個馬尾..
她淺淺地對我笑著..像是對我的等待表示歉意..
而我..突然覺得她就像一隻輕輕飛舞的美麗蝴蝶..


「Sorry..讓你久等了..Let*s go..」
『嗯..我的車子好坐嗎?..』
「A.不好坐 B.當然不好坐 C.好坐才怪 D.很難坐 E.以上皆是..
The answer is E...呵呵..痞子..我學你學得像嗎?..」
『傻瓜..這有什麼好得意的?..好的不學..學壞的..』
「不是我不學好..而是根本沒有好的讓我學..這也是孟子教我的..
“余豈好痞哉..余不得已也”..」
『好了..我投降了..別忘了今天是休兵的日子..』
「沒錯..這的確是認輸的好藉口..呵呵..」


「痞子..這裏寫著“禁止暫停”ㄋㄟ..」
『喔!..那沒關係..我們不是要“暫停”..我們會停很久..』
「痞子..你又在痞了..待會你的野狼被人宰了怎麼辦?..」
『不會啦!..看到這麼老舊的野狼..一般人會敬老尊賢..不會欺負牠的..』


南台戲院排隊的人龍..真的很長..2點20的電影..現在也不過才1點40而已..
而且很奇怪..幾乎都是一男一女一起排隊..
『妳到裏面看看海報..我排就好..』
別人可以摟摟抱抱、卿卿我我..她留在這裏..只會讓我觸景傷情而已..
「不要..我要在這裏陪你..」
『這樣妳會很無聊的..』
「跟你在一起怎會無聊呢?..讓我陪嘛!..」


其實我很感激這種擁擠的人潮..這樣我跟她之間的距離便更近了一些..
在網路上,我們隔著螢幕..在麥當勞,我們隔著一張桌子..
在機車上,我們隔著我的背影..而在這裏,我們根本沒有距離。
她站在我左邊,右手臂不時地碰觸到我的左手臂..
我們偶而穿插幾句沒有意義的對白..這種感覺很舒服..
即使買不到電影票..我也心甘情願..
今天真好..而讓今天美好的..不僅是天氣..還有此時等待的心情..


學生票一張也要240元,換言之,兩張就要480元..
這次真的是受傷慘重..我皮包裏的先鋒部隊,已經全部陣亡了..
由於她在我左手邊,而我用右手掏錢..
所以我在掏錢時,不能讓她有阻止我的機會..實在是一大失策..
2點10分左右,買到了票..一張是11排13號..一張是11排15號..
「哇!..痞子..11排13號ㄋㄟ..跟你生日同一天..」
『嗯..所以呢?..』
「所以這個位置我要坐..這張票我要保存起來..可以嗎?..」
『當然可以..如果妳堅持要付錢..我也會依妳..』
「痞子..你別擔心..今天我不會跟你爭著付錢的..」
擔心?..我擔心的是妳不跟我爭..


進了電影院,剛坐下沒多久..燈光也正好暗了下來..
我看電影時是絕對不說話的..所以我的嘴巴也終於有了休息的機會..
接下來的三個多小時裏..我仔細地看著這部久仰大名且爭議性強的電影..
我不是個浪漫的人..所以不被浪漫的情節所感動是可以理解的事..
除了Jack在沉入海底前跟Rose所說的對白:
“Rose, listen to me.. Listen...
Winning that ticket was the best thing that ever happened to me..
It brought me to you... And I'm thankful, Rose... I'm thankful...”


雖然我也叫Jack..但我比電影上的那個Jack幸運多了..
我不用賭“梭哈”..也不必冒著生命危險搭上鐵達尼號..
我只要打開pc..上個網..便能認識現實生活中的Rose..
不過他比我幸運的是..他還會畫畫..於是電影上的Rose甘願脫光光讓他畫..
雖然他一付很專注的模樣..好像很小心謹慎地慢慢畫..
但我想他一定是故意慢慢地畫的..男人嘛!..大家心照不宣也就是了..
不然你叫他畫曾文惠..他一定一下子就搞定了..


而她..反應就不是這麼平淡了..
她手上一直拿條手帕stand by..隨著電影愈到最後..她擦拭眼角的頻率愈高..
當Jack要Rose答應他堅持到底,絕不放棄求生的念頭時..
電影上Rose說:“I promise... I will never let go, Jack... I'll never let go...”
她竟也跟著小聲地說:“I will never let go, Jack...”
而當Jack沉入海底的瞬間..她背包的拉鍊也同時打開..備用手帕正式登場..


席琳狄翁這個娘們,偏偏又在片尾唱起“My heart will go on...”
彷彿被歌聲所感染..她於是“My tears will go on...”
『散場了..我們走吧!..』
我站了起來,小聲地跟她說..因為我覺得此時任何一點小擾動..都會令她崩潰..
她坐在座位上,不發一語地凝視著我..
過了好久..她突然說出:
「痞子..電影終究會散場,但人生還是得繼續..對嗎?..」
雖然我點點頭..但我心裏卻納悶著..
她看到我點了頭..迅速地站起身子..背上背包..跟著我走出電影院..


排隊入場的人,和擠著出場的人..同時聚集在電影院門口..
使得散場的氣氛像極了鐵達尼號沉沒前..船上人員爭先恐後的逃生景象..
原來我們好像只是離開了電影上的鐵達尼號..
而人生裏的鐵達尼號..卻依然上映著..


離開了南台戲院..她的眼淚卻未離開她的臉龐..
『我們走走吧!..』
6點是剛入夜的時候..霓虹閃爍的中正路..也許能讓她忘掉鐵達尼號的沉沒..
「嗯..好..」
她點點頭..卻不小心滑落了兩滴淚珠..


「痞子..你簽個名吧!..」
她拿出那張電影票根..遞給我..
『簽什麼?..難道簽“余誓以至誠,效忠輕舞飛揚小姐”嗎?..』
「討厭..你簽“痞子蔡”就好..反正我又不知道你的名字..」
『誰叫妳不問我..』
「你也沒問我ㄚ..這叫“己所不欲,勿施於人”..」
她又在亂用成語了..我趕緊在票根背後,簽下痞子蔡三個字..
她看看我的簽名..閃過一絲失望神情..但隨即嘆了一口氣說:
「謝謝你..痞子..」
既然說謝謝,幹嘛要嘆氣?..我的字很拙嗎?..不會吧!?..


我們四處看看..但並沒有交談..
她突然在Christian Dior的專櫃停了下來..
「痞子..你在連線小說板看過Lemonade寫的“香水”嗎?..」
『嗯..前一陣子看過這篇短篇小說..寫得很感人ㄚ!..妳幹嘛這樣問?..』
「這瓶Christian Dior 的 Dolce Vita..就是男主角在女主角訂婚時送她的..
他還說:Dolce Vita是義大利文,中文的意思是指“甜蜜的日子”..」
『是嗎?..我倒是沒看這麼仔細..』
「痞子..那我們今天算不算“甜蜜的日子”?..」
『本來可以算是..但妳一哭..就打了折..』
「那這樣算是有點甜蜜又不會太甜蜜..就買小瓶的好了..」
幸好Lemonade寫的只是“香水”..
萬一她寫的是“黃金”或是“鑽石”..那我就債台高築了..


『七點多了..妳餓了嗎?..要不要吃點東西..』
「我吃不下..你呢?..」
『You eat,I eat..』
她突然又怔怔地掉下淚來..
我真是白癡..她好不容易離開了鐵達尼..我怎麼又去打撈鐵達尼的殘骸呢?..
「我們去大學路那家麥當勞..好嗎?..」
她擦了擦眼淚..勉強擠出一個笑容..向我這麼建議著..
我點點頭..騎上了那隻野狼..她靜靜地坐在我的背後..
今晚的風..開始有點涼了..


到了麥當勞..好巧..竟然跟昨晚第一次見面的時間一樣..也是七點半..
要吃1號餐嗎?..她搖了一下頭..2號餐呢?..她搖了兩下頭..
那3號餐好嗎?..她搖了三下頭...就這樣一直搖到了最後一號餐..
所以我還是點了兩杯大可和兩份薯條..
然後坐在與昨天相同的位置上..


「痞子..你不吃東西會餓的..」
『妳吃不下..我當然也吃不下..』
這就是逞強的場面話了..因為到現在為止..我今天還未吃過東西..
我咬了一口薯條..
奇怪?..今天的麥當勞薯條竟然不再清脆甜美..反而有點鬆軟苦澀..
原來當她的笑容失去神采時..麥當勞的薯條便不再清脆..


「痞子..為何你會叫jht呢?..」
『j是Jack..h是hate..t是Titanic...jht即是“Jack hate Titanic”的縮寫..』
「你別瞎掰了..還真的ㄌㄟ..」
『其實jht是我名字的縮寫..不過看在Titanic讓妳淚流的面子上..
我這個Jack..自然不得不hate它了..』
「痞子..你不能hate Titanic..你一定要help Titanic..或是hold Titanic..」
hate?..help?..hold?..自從看完Titanic後..她就常講一些我聽不懂的話..
難道外文系也唸哲學?..


然後她就很少說話了..偶而低頭沉思..偶而呆呆地看著我..
為什麼我要用“呆呆地”這種形容詞呢?..
因為她好像很想仔細地看著我..但又怕看得太仔細..
這種行為不是“呆”是什麼?..蠢?..笨?..傻?..


外面的大學路..開始人聲鼎沸了..
「痞子..大學路現在為什麼這麼熱鬧呢?..」
『今天是1997年的最後一天..大學路有跨年晚會..待會去看?..』
「好ㄚ!..可是我想現在去ㄋㄟ..」
我二話不說..端起了盤子..指了指她的背包..


張燦鍙市長新官上任..封鎖住大學路成大路段..想來個與民同樂..
他比阿扁市長幸運..因為他可以跟他太太跳舞給我們看..
但我又比他幸運..因為輕舞飛揚比他太太漂亮..
正在胡思亂想間..天空突然下起了一陣雨..
我不假思索地拉起了她的手..往成大成功校區警衛室旁的屋簷下奔去..
為了怕她多淋到幾滴雨..情急之下做出這種先斬後奏的行為..
子曰:“不教而殺謂之虐”..由此觀之..我的確是個很殘忍的人..
不過幸好我叫痞子..所以不必為不夠君子的行為背負太多良心上的譴責..


這是我第二次接觸到她的手指..
和第一次時的感覺一樣..她的手指仍然冰冷異常..
上次可能是因為冰可樂的關係..這次呢?..
也許是雨吧!..或者是今晚的風..


警衛室旁的屋簷並沒有漏..但我現在卻覺得“屋漏偏逢連夜雨”..
因為我看到了阿泰..
這種可以跳舞的場合自然少不了阿泰..就像廚房裏少不了蟑螂..
不過他從不攜伴參加舞會..
因為他常說“沒有人去酒家喝酒還帶瓶台灣啤酒去的”..
這話有理..舞會上充斥著各種又辣又正的美眉..什麼酒都有..
幹嘛還自己帶個美眉去自斷生路呢?..
如果美眉可以用酒來形容..那阿泰是什麼?..
阿泰說他就是“開罐器”..


《痞子..你好厲害..竟然帶瓶“皇家禮炮21響”的XO來..》
『別鬧了..阿泰..這位是輕舞飛揚..』
《妳好..久仰大名了..痞子栽在妳的石榴裙下是可以瞑目的..》
「呵呵..阿泰兄..我對你才是久仰大名、如雷貫耳呢!..」
《是嗎?..唉..我已經儘可能地掩飾我的鋒芒了..奈何事與願違..
沒想到還是瞞不過別人識貨的眼光..罪過..罪過ㄚ!..》


「我常在女生宿舍的牆壁上看到你的名字ㄛ!..」
《是嗎?..寫些什麼呢?..一定都是些太仰慕我的話吧!..》
「不是ㄋㄟ..通常寫“阿泰..你去吃屎吧!”..而且都寫在廁所的牆壁上..」
《哈哈..輕舞兄..妳和痞子都好厲害ㄛ!..》
我也笑得說不出一句話來..照理說阿泰是我的好友..我應該為他辯解的..
我這樣好像有點見色忘友..不過事實是勝於雄辯的..


金黃色的射手阿泰..藍色的天蠍痞子..和咖啡色的雙魚輕舞飛揚..
就這樣在警衛室旁的屋簷下聊了起來..直到雨停..
這是我們三個人第一次..也是最後一次聚在一起..
《痞子..輕舞兄..雨停了..我去狩獵了..你們繼續纏綿吧!..》
走得好!..我不禁拍起手來..再聊下去..我就沒有形象了..
「痞子..你拍手幹嘛?..」
『喔..剛剛放的音樂真好聽..不由自主地想給它小小地鼓勵一下..』
「痞子..你少胡扯..你怕阿泰抖出你的秘密ㄏㄡ?..」
我有秘密嗎?..也許有..也許沒有..
但在我腦海的檔案櫃裏..最高的機密就是妳..


這個跨年晚會是由一個地區性電台主辦的..叫Kiss Radio..頻道是FM97.1..
為什麼我記得是FM97.1?..因為它廣告的時間比播歌多..難怪叫“廣播”..
節目其實是很無聊的..尤其是猜謎那部份..
“台南市有那些名勝古蹟?..請隨便說一個..”
哇ㄌㄟ..怎麼問這種蠢問題?..蠢到我都懶得舉手回答..
竟然還有人答“安平金城”..我還“億載古堡”ㄌㄟ..


至於跳舞..我則是大肉腳..跳快舞時像隻發情的黑猩猩..
「痞子..我不能跳快舞..所以不能陪你跳..Sorry..」
『那沒差..反正妳叫“輕舞”..自然不能跳快舞..』
「希望能有“The Lady in Red”這首歌..」
『不簡單ㄛ!..這麼老的英文歌..妳竟然還記得..』
「前一陣子在收音機中聽到..就開始愛上它了..」


原來如此..不然這首歌在流行時..她恐怕還在唸小學吧!..
其實我也很喜歡這首歌..尤其是那句“took my breath away”..
我以前不相信為何舞池中那位紅衣女子轉身朝他微笑時..竟會讓他感到窒息..
直到昨晚在她家樓下..她上樓前回頭對我一笑..我才終於得到解答..
不過這首歌如果改成“The Lady in Coffee”..該有多好..
最好這首歌不要被阿泰聽到..不然他一定改成“The Lady in Nothing”..


終於到了倒數計時的關鍵時刻..這也是晚會中的最高潮..
在一片歡呼聲中..我們互道了一句:“新年快樂”..
她是學外文的..為何不學外國人一樣..來個擁抱或親吻呢?..
不過話不能這樣講..我是學水利的..也不見得要潑她水吧!?..
『明年我們再來?..』
「明年?..好遙遠的時間ㄛ..」
又在說白癡話了..她大概累壞而想睡了吧!?..


送她回到她住的那條勝利路巷子..遠離了喧鬧..
與剛剛相比..現在靜得幾乎可以聽見彼此呼吸的聲音..
「痞子..你還記得“香水”中提到的正確的香水用法嗎?..」
我搖了搖頭..我怎麼可能會記得?..我又不用香水..
「先擦在耳後..再塗在脖子上和手上的靜脈..然後將香水灑在空中..
最後是從香水中走過..」
『真的假的?..這樣的話..這小瓶香水不就一下子用光了?..』
「痞子..我們來試試看好嗎?..」
『我“們”?..妳試就好了..我是個大男人ㄋㄟ..』


她打開了那瓶Dolce Vita..先擦在左耳後..再塗在脖子上和左手的靜脈..
然後還真的將香水灑在空中...哇ㄌㄟ..很貴ㄋㄟ!..
最後她張開雙臂..像是淋雨般..仰著臉走過這場香水雨..
「呵呵呵..痞子..好香好好玩ㄛ!..輪到你了..」
她興奮地笑著..像個天真無邪的小孩..


此時別說只叫我擦香水..就算要我喝下去..我也不會皺一下眉頭..
我讓她把香水擦在我的左耳後..以及脖子上和左手的靜脈..
這是我第三次感覺到她手指的冰冷..是香水的緣故吧!..我想..
「痞子..準備了ㄛ..我要灑香水囉!..」
我學著她張開雙臂..仰起臉..走過我人生的第一場香水雨..


「痞子..接下來換右耳和右手了..」
哇ㄌㄟ..還真的ㄌㄟ..我賺錢不容易ㄋㄟ..
在我還來不及心疼前..她已經走過了她的第二場香水雨..
而這次她更高興..手舞足蹈的樣子..就像她的暱稱一樣..
是一隻輕舞飛揚的蝴蝶..


深夜的勝利路巷子內..就這樣下了好幾場的香水雨..
直到我們用光了那瓶Dolce Vita..
「Dolce Vita用完了..這個甜蜜的日子也該結束了..
痞子..我上去睡了..今夜三點一刻,我不上線,你也不准上線..」
『為什麼?..』
「你在中午12點上線時就知道了..記住ㄛ!..只准在中午12點上線..」
她拿出鑰匙,轉過身去打開公寓大門..
就在此時..我看到她的後頸,有一處明顯的紅斑..
如果不是因為她今天將長髮紮成馬尾..我根本不可能會看到這處紅斑..


她慢慢地走進那棟公寓..在關上門前..她突然又探頭出來淺淺地笑著..
「痞子..騎車要小心點..」
在我尚未來得及點頭前..門已關上..
我抬起頭..想看看四樓的燈光是否已轉為明亮?..
等了許久..四樓始終陰暗著..
陰暗的不只是在四樓的她..還有騎上野狼機車的我..


回到了研究室,阿泰聞到了我身上的香味..劈頭就問:
《痞子..你身上為何這麼香?..你該不會真的跟她來個“親密接觸”吧!?..》
我沒有答腔..打開了冰箱..拿出了那兩瓶麒麟啤酒..一瓶拿給阿泰..
我和他就這樣靜靜地喝掉了這兩瓶啤酒..
喝完了酒..阿泰拍了拍我的肩膀..然後離開了研究室..


我關上了燈..讓黑暗將我包圍住..
因為我希望能想像她也同時在黑暗中的感覺..
原來人在黑暗中..最容易感受到的..就是孤單..
她現在一定很孤單..但我又該如何陪伴她呢?..


在半夢半醒間..我彷彿看見一隻美麗的蝴蝶..在火海中化為灰燼..
而那處紅斑..亦由淡紅漸漸轉變為赤紅..最後變成血紅..將我吞噬..
是那瓶冰啤酒的緣故嗎?..我突然全身發冷..
而那股涼意..竟直透內心深處..


隨著時間愈接近三點一刻..我的心跳頻率卻愈快..
用guest上線吧!..因為我是jht..所以用guest上線不代表“我”上線..
上了線..Query一下她..果然不在線上..
我心臟的跳動速率雖快..但心臟的溫度卻依然很低..


好不容易熬到了中午12點..我興奮而又緊張地以jht上了線..
但她卻不在線上..於是線上好友名單中..
只有jht一個人..孤單地等待著FlyinDance..
然而卻有她寄給我的一封mail..



發信人: FlyinDance (輕舞飛揚)
標 題: 1998/01/01
日 期: Thu Jan 1 10:43:29 1998

Dear jht:

原本只是想在黑暗中沉澱自己的思緒..仔細品味我們共同擁有的回憶..
沒想到在一片黑暗中..我只感受到孤寂..
尤其當聽到你野狼機車的呼嘯聲愈來愈遠時..我不爭氣的眼淚又再度滑落..
痞子..你能體會我的孤單嗎?..

我還是無法克服長久以來的習慣,所以我在三點一刻時偷偷用guest上了線..
不怪我吧!?..:P
我Query一下你..你果然不在線上..
該慶幸我對你的信任不是一廂情願?..還是該嘆息呢?..

天已經亮了..嗯..是該離開的時候了..
應該帶點跟你有關的東西..就帶著那張電影票根吧!..
然後呢?..我想帶的帶不走..不該帶的卻甩不脫..

你收到這封mail的同時,我應該正在遠航往台北的班機上..
你能感受到我在一萬呎的高空中對你微笑嗎?..:)
也許今天的飛機無法爬升到一萬呎,因為我的心情很沉重..:(

去看我信箱中的mail吧!..那記錄著我們相識以來的點點滴滴..
還有我在BBS寫的日記..說是日記..好像有點不妥..
因為我只在幾個特別的日子裏記錄心情而已..

請你按照順序閱讀,讀完後或刪或留..決定權在你..
因為我大概沒有機會上線了..
密碼是我的生日..19760315..去看看吧!..


FlyinDance

ps. 痞子..別發呆了..快去!....



沒想到她連我的發呆都算得出來..果然是S型的女孩子..
我趕緊以FlyinDance上了線..
信箱中的mail只有jht和FlyinDance這兩個ID為發信人..
我沒有心情去看我以前寄的mail..直接去看她的第一篇BBS日記..



發信人: FlyinDance (輕舞飛揚)
標 題: 1997/09/18
日 期: Thu Sep 18 23:22:47 1997

今天是開學的第一天..
可恥的成大..竟然選擇這個九一八事變發生日開學..
擺明了不尊重慘遭日軍屠殺的同胞嘛!..
為了紀念無辜受害的同胞..我今天特地翹課一天以表示哀悼..

我在榕園內坐著..覺得很無聊..乾脆就在校園裏逛了起來..
我穿過地下道..來到屬於工學院地盤的成功校區..
走在“工學院路”上..兩旁的樹既雄偉又俊美..陽光從樹葉間輕輕灑了下來..
這種溫柔的陽光是我所能享受的極限..我不禁哼著歌..輕輕舞動了起來..
而這裏的男生則充滿了朝氣..有別於文學院男生的書卷氣息..

資訊大樓看起來蠻壯觀的..給它個面子..本姑娘大駕光臨也..:)
一大堆人在玩BBS..我也去湊個熱鬧..並在成大資研站註冊個新ID..
自從本姑娘的出現推翻了“網路無美女”的定律後..
以前的ID就常遭很多無聊的男性ID騷擾..:(
每次上線..信箱裏就有一堆mail..內容都是想跟我交個朋友..
有的炫耀文筆..有的自以為幽默..有的假裝誠懇..有的故作瀟灑..
哼!..我才不稀罕ㄌㄟ..:~

這都怪室友小雯啦!..每次去見網友都要拉我去..
她說這叫分擔風險..免得她被一大堆青蛙嚇到..結果被嚇到的反而是我..
在網路上..男生稱霉女為恐龍..女生則稱菌男為青蛙..
男生說“網路無美女”..女生則反駁說“網路青蛙滿地爬”..
偏偏有些青蛙還自以為是王子..巴望得到公主一吻而變回王子..
小雯說青蛙就是青蛙..即使美女陪他上床睡覺..他也還是青蛙..:)

那麼該換個什麼樣的ID跟暱稱呢?..
想起剛剛在工學院路上的輕舞..愉悅的心情又再度浮現..年輕真好..:)
就叫作“輕舞飛揚”好了..ID則為FlyinDance..I am Flying in Dancing!..
我也以這種心情為藍本..寫下了我的plan..希望我永遠年輕而飛揚..
今天真好..離開教室是對的..:P



發信人: FlyinDance (輕舞飛揚)
標 題: 1997/09/22
日 期: Mon Sep 22 23:14:52 1997

小雯晚上又跑出去約會了..留下我一個人看著電視..:(
電視新聞說陳進興在永和與警方對峙..
結果雙方不開一槍一彈..而且還讓他逃脫..
幸好我不在永和的家中..不然我今晚一定會睡不著覺..

我上了線..新ID新氣象..到各板去晃晃..
我還跑到從不去逛的mantalk板..聽聽青蛙們的叫聲..
有篇文章蠻有意思的..我留意了一下作者..他叫jht..

真遜!..什麼ID嘛!..j、h、t三個字母沒有一個是母音..多難唸ㄚ!..
我是唸外文的..實在無法忍受這種英文程度近乎無知的ID..
而他的暱稱更是白癡..竟然叫“痞子蔡”!..遜加est..
小雯說青蛙的暱稱若好聽則未必是好..但如果難聽的話就一定是壞..
所以我想他一定是隻癩蛤蟆..

偷偷去Query一下他的plan..卻看出了趣味..
他說:“如果把整個太平洋的水倒出,也澆不熄我對妳愛情的火燄。
整個太平洋的水全部倒得出嗎?..不行。
所以我並不愛妳。”..

如果讓小雯看到的話..一定會說他在放屁..
但我是淑女..所以我保留不說髒話的權利..
這傢伙是個怎樣的人呢?..真的是痞子?..還是只是個英文白癡?..
為什麼他有天使般的文筆..卻有魔鬼般的暱稱呢?..

我到處去找他的文章..這隻癩蛤蟆蠻會跳的..很多板都有他的文章..
Letter板..Story板..Baseball板..甚至還跑到恐龍大本營的Ladytalk板來鬼叫..
難道不怕被恐龍一腳踩扁?..
反正也是無聊..於是我mail給他..告訴他我覺得他的plan很有趣..:~

在結束今天的日記前..我心裏一直納悶著..
因為這是我第一次主動mail給一個完全陌生的ID..
我為什麼會有這種勇氣跟衝動呢?..被小雯帶壞嗎?..
真的只是因為我“反正也是無聊”的緣故嗎?..



發信人: FlyinDance (輕舞飛揚)
標 題: 1997/09/30
日 期: Tue Sep 30 23:48:06 1997

今天下午跟小雯到東豐路那家“翡冷翠”喝下午茶..
氣氛很舒服..:)..一樓只有我們兩個客人..
我點了一杯有薰衣草風味的茶..真是難得難得..
因為我超愛喝咖啡的..從未在下午茶的時間裏真的喝茶..
大概是被店員殷勤且具說服力的一番話所影響吧!..

晚上上線時,收到了屬於FlyinDance的第一封處女mail..
是那個英文白癡的癩蛤蟆jht寄來的..
他說他等了幾天.希望能在線上碰到我..奈何天不從人願..只好含恨寄mail..
天怎會不從人願?..也許是老天比較聽我的話ㄛ!..:P

他說為了證明我有先見之明..他會努力訓練自己成為一個有趣的人..
訓練?..有趣能用訓練的嗎?..看來他的腦袋有問題..
真可憐..身為一個研究生卻沒有智商和英文程度時..的確值得同情..:)

不過他的mail跟他在板上的post..有很大的差異..
他的post非常陽剛..往往是一針見血而不留餘地..
但他的mail..卻有種溫柔纖細的味道..好像是?..好像是?..
好像是下午的那杯薰衣草花茶..



發信人: FlyinDance (輕舞飛揚)
標 題: 1997/10/05
日 期: Sun Oct 5 23:50:35 1997

難得的一個假日..更難得的是..小雯今天竟然沒有約會!..
我和她到新光三越百貨去逛逛..因為13樓有皮包特賣會..
午餐也在三越解決..韓國式豆腐辣湯麵..辣得小雯流出了眼淚..
她說辣妹實在不應該再吃辣..不然就會辣上加辣..未辣人先辣己..

我看上了一個咖啡色的背包..它的顏色、裝飾品與外型..
讓我聯想到Cappuccino咖啡..我毫不猶豫地買下了它..
背上了這個背包..就像啜飲一杯甘醇甜美卻又濃郁強烈的Cappuccino咖啡..
嗯..真好..:)..有點像談戀愛的感覺..不是嗎?..:P

資研從10/1晚上就開始當了..該不會是故意抗議共匪的國慶日吧!?..
一直當到昨天晚上才恢復正常..
這三天中..我千方百計地想連上資研..
資研有寶嗎?..我又沒有得到BBS症候群..為何非得上線呢?..
即使想看文章..到別站就好了ㄚ!..為何一定要上資研呢?..
難道只因為資研有jht這隻癩蛤蟆?..

今天終於收到他寄的第二封mail..我有如獲至寶的感覺..
我將他的mail看了一遍又一遍..
心裏既踏實..又興奮..:)

突然好想喝一杯香濃的Cappuccino....



發信人: FlyinDance (輕舞飛揚)
標 題: 1997/10/10
日 期: Fri Oct 10 23:53:26 1997

中華民國又過生日了..為了表示我有忠貞愛國之心..
我特地睡到下午兩點多..

其實都怪那隻青蛙啦!..上線時間總是在三更半夜..
不..正確的說法應說是在四更尾..
昨晚特地等他的..我還跟親愛的上帝禱告..希望能遇見一隻青蛙..
等到凌晨兩點左右..不小心就睡著了..Idle了40分鐘..就被踢下站了..
更氣的是..他就在三點上線..然後寄給我第6封mail..

他說希望我在中華民國的生日裏..比中華民國還快樂..
快樂個頭!..難道他不知道有軍機墜機了嗎?..
白癡..莫非他的腦袋也跟中華民國一樣..都被詛咒了嗎?..

真是討厭..半夜不睡覺在幹嘛?..
難得有今天放假、明天沒課、後天再放的三天假期..
搞不好本姑娘心情好..可以陪他出去玩的..
哼!..今晚別指望我再等他了..:(

咦?..今天我怎麼不稱呼他為癩蛤蟆?..而改叫他為青蛙呢?..
還有..為什麼我會等他呢?..又為什麼我會想見他呢?..
難道說我..我..我會想念他?..



發信人: FlyinDance (輕舞飛揚)
標 題: 1997/10/25
日 期: Sat Oct 25 23:38:28 1997

我開始學著“亂槍打鳥”了..
他實在很難捉摸..有時兩三天不上站..有時一天上好幾次..
我這個獵人槍法笨拙..只能多開幾槍以增加命中的機率..
可是我就是打不中這隻笨鳥..

劉備對孔明也只不過是三顧茅廬..
而我已經顧到連茅廬都會不好意思了..
他這隻笨青蛙..沒事幹嘛學孔明呢?..

唉...也許我的名字叫白天..而他的名字卻叫黑夜吧!..

收音機裏剛好傳來黃小琥唱的“不只是朋友”..
或許我也是如此..我想要的“不只是mail”..
我的青蛙王子..你的生活作息能不能正常一點呢?..

今天是台灣光復的日子..
但我的心..卻開始淪陷了....



發信人: FlyinDance (輕舞飛揚)
標 題: 1997/11/08
日 期: Sat Nov 8 23:36:42 1997

今天是他從香港回來的日子..
他上封mail只告訴我說要去香港..但沒說去幾天..
沒想到一去就是五天..
而且當我看到mail時..他已經在泰航往香港的班機上了..

我其實是很生氣的..因為我不知道他什麼時候會回來?..
昨天上線時..看到他的上站次數還是沒增加..
死痞子..臭青蛙..你到底回不回來嘛?..:(

所以剛剛上線收到他的mail時..我竟然忍不住哭了出來..
他說他去了很多地方..包括太平山和維多利亞港..
他還說太平山上的星星一定沒有我的眼睛明亮..
而維多利亞港的燈光也一定沒有我的笑容燦爛..

哼!..出去玩了這麼多天..就想憑這兩句甜言蜜語打發我?..
而且他沒看過我..又怎會知道呢?..
搞不好我的長相比太平山上的猴子還要恐怖..
而我的笑聲比維多利亞港輪船的汽笛聲還要刺耳呢!..:~

不過..看在他亂猜竟也猜對的面子上..
我也就不忍苛責了..:)

他說今天是長江三峽進行截流合龍工程的日子..
這在他們水利工程界..是件空前的大事..
我才不管什麼是截流或合龍ㄌㄟ..:(
我在意的是..他跟我何時才能“合流”?..
不再像兩條平行流動的河流般..永遠沒有匯流點...



發信人: FlyinDance (輕舞飛揚)
標 題: 1997/11/13
日 期: Thu Nov 13 23:33:56 1997

幸好今天是星期四﹍只差一天就是黑色星期五﹍好險﹍:)

他早上的mail說﹍今天是個非常特別的日子﹍
為何特別?﹍他倒是沒說﹍
難道是他生日?﹍也許是吧!﹍
在這種日子出生確實是沒什麼好驕傲的﹍所以也難怪他不敢說﹍:P

他還說他很欣賞我的plan﹍為了慶祝這個特別的日子﹍
所以他改了幾句:

“ 我大聲地咆哮,在寂靜的教室之中。
妳投射過來異樣的眼神。
同情也好,不爽也罷。
並不曾使我的聲音變小。
因為令我度爛的,不是妳注視的目光。
而是我被當的流力。


我的手扶著桌角﹍笑出了眼淚﹍不知道這算不算是“喜極而泣”?﹍
哼!﹍竟敢亂改我的plan﹍:(
此仇不報非淑女﹍我下次也要改他的plan﹍
而且一定要讓他流下更多的眼淚﹍:P

他到底為什麼會覺得今天特別?﹍
對他而言,什麼樣的日子才叫特別?﹍
其實對我而言,每個收到他mail的日子,都很特別﹍



發信人: FlyinDance (輕舞飛揚)
標 題: 1997/11/23
日 期: Sun Nov 23 23:58:06 1997

今天一大早,小雯開著她那輛紅色喜美,載我到墾丁去玩﹍:)

我穿著一整套咖啡色系的衣服﹍還背上我的Cappuccino﹍
小雯罵我神經﹍那有人這樣穿的?﹍她笑我中了咖啡的毒了﹍
可我就是喜歡﹍:P

墾丁公園真的好美﹍可惜有些人為的匠氣﹍
不如社頂公園的渾然天成﹍
我在社頂公園那片大草原上﹍留下了我的影子﹍
小雯說從照相機的鏡頭裏看過去﹍就好像看到了一杯咖啡﹍
呵呵﹍這就是我要的感覺﹍:)

有兩個男生過來搭訕﹍
他們說:今天的天氣很好叫sunny﹍兩位小姐很美麗叫beauty﹍
氣質也非常動人叫pretty﹍若能與妳們共遊則會很快樂叫happy﹍
小雯則回答說:天氣突然變差了叫rainy﹍兩位先生長得不怎麼樣叫ugly﹍
看到你們我開始不爽叫angry﹍再不快走老娘就會抓狂叫crazy﹍

呵呵﹍我怎麼會有小雯這樣的好友呢?﹍:)
更難得的是﹍我仍然能出淤泥而不染﹍保持我的溫柔本性﹍:P
今天真的好高興﹍天氣好、風景好、小雯在我身旁更好﹍:)

雖然回到台南已經很累了﹍我還是上線寫下今天的心情﹍
也收到了他寄來的第20封mail﹍今天真好﹍從頭到尾都是﹍:)
希望他也很好﹍如果他不好的話﹍我分一點好給他﹍:~



發信人: FlyinDance (輕舞飛揚)
標 題: 1997/12/03
日 期: Wed Dec 3 23:19:46 1997

媽昨晚又打電話來勸我辦理休學﹍
怎麼可能嘛!﹍這是我大學時代的最後一年﹍就這麼放棄不是很可惜?﹍
何況醫生也說我現在是緩解期﹍只要不過度疲勞和避免日曬過多即可﹍
雖然知道媽很擔心我﹍但我不喜歡她老把我當任性的小孩般看待﹍:(

好煩ㄛ!﹍睡也睡不著﹍都三點一刻了ㄋㄟ﹍:(
小雯一定在熟睡﹍只好上線去晃晃吧!﹍
咦?﹍竟然讓我看到jht這隻笨鳥﹍
呵呵﹍瞄準了他﹍我扣了一下板機﹍這次他跑不掉了吧!﹍:P

他說他心情也不好﹍剛好跟我來個負負得正﹍
是嗎?﹍搞不好會讓我雪上加霜ㄛ!﹍:~
不過他真會掰﹍竟掰得我不好的心情煙消雲散﹍:D
而且他竟然知道我留長髮以及不常穿裙子﹍
不知怎的﹍跟他聊天好愉快﹍:)
煩悶的心情一去﹍睡意就跟著來﹍
但我怎能就這樣放過他呢?﹍:P﹍所以我約他早上10點再聊﹍

今天早上他跟我說他對浪漫的看法﹍
他在pc另一端說著﹍我則在pc這一端笑著﹍:)
好好玩ㄛ!﹍我不禁想像吟著葉慈的詩時﹍踩到狗屎的感覺﹍:D
他真的跟別人不一樣﹍看法總是那麼地鮮明有趣﹍
只可惜小雯提醒我該吃午飯了﹍不然我還想再聽他掰﹍:(

嗯﹍今晚決定再等他﹍我好喜歡在線上叫他痞子的感覺﹍:)
為了怕睡著﹍我準備要煮杯濃濃的曼巴咖啡﹍
他明天凌晨還會上線嗎?﹍
還有﹍當我第一次看到他也在線上時﹍
我敲鍵盤的手指好像有點顫抖﹍是興奮嗎?﹍還是緊張?﹍

1997年12月3日的深夜﹍天冷﹍想念一個人﹍
於是不冷﹍



發信人: FlyinDance (輕舞飛揚)
標 題: 1997/12/04
日 期: Thu Dec 4 23:28:15 1997

我在半夜兩點多上線﹍等著等著﹍
收音機傳來“The Lady in Red”的旋律﹍
男歌者極負磁性的嗓音﹍在這寂靜的夜裏﹍更具魅力﹍
當他唱到那句“took my breath away”時﹍痞子上線了﹍
天ㄚ!﹍是歌聲的關係嗎?﹍我真的感到一陣窒息﹍

我問他網路上的邂逅如何?﹍因為我想知道他如何看待我們之間的關係﹍
他說網路的出現產生了三種人﹍
然後滔滔不絕地闡述這三種人的特色和差異﹍
我靜靜地看著他傳送過來的文字﹍幻想著他口沫橫飛的模樣﹍
嗯﹍我突然好想看到他﹍:)

他說我們都是第二種人﹍不甘心接受酸檸檬的個性﹍
而想成為甜美的水蜜桃﹍
或許是吧!﹍因為我真的很羨慕小雯敢拼愛衝的牡羊座性格﹍
我輕輕撥弄我的頭髮﹍在他說出我可能“時日無多”時﹍
我掉落了幾根頭髮﹍

我摸了摸那些掉落的頭髮﹍全身彷彿被電擊﹍
不會的﹍醫生說我得的只是慢性病﹍不是絕症﹍
我仍然可以像正常人般地生活﹍
可是﹍我真的可以嗎?﹍
盡情地揮灑年輕,舞動青春﹍真的是我無法做到的希望嗎?﹍

我該聽媽的話休學回台北嗎?﹍
可是回台北後﹍我還能看到他嗎?﹍
不﹍我不要﹍我想看他!﹍
於是我學電視上的廣告詞﹍送給他一句:“伊莎貝爾,我們見面吧!”﹍
直到他送來一句:“OK”﹍

看了看窗外﹍天微微地亮了﹍
黑夜總會過去﹍但我心頭的陰影﹍何時才會散去?﹍



發信人: FlyinDance (輕舞飛揚)
標 題: 1997/12/13
日 期: Sat Dec 13 23:41:13 1997

自從上次在線上碰到痞子後﹍我便習慣在深夜三點一刻上線﹍
這算是我們之間的默契吧!﹍
小雯常問我他是誰?﹍我只笑笑地說他是痞子﹍
倒不是因為jht這個沒有母音的ID說出來會丟臉﹍
只是他是我心底最深處的秘密﹍我想自私地霸佔著﹍:P

我們都聊些什麼呢?﹍反正他就是很會掰﹍所以也不愁沒話講﹍:)
我常轉述他的話給小雯聽﹍小雯說他快可以拿到諾貝爾唬爛獎了﹍:)
可是為什麼他都不問我的名字呢?﹍他都不好奇嗎?﹍
小雯說我可能碰到江湖高手了﹍
才不是ㄌㄟ﹍痞子不是這種人﹍:~

雖然已經說好要見面﹍但他不提細節﹍我也就賭氣不提﹍:(
我是女孩子ㄚ!﹍總不能不學會矜持吧!﹍:~
而且他對我而言﹍就像是一面鏡子﹍
我常在他身上看到我的個性﹍尤其是好強這個特質﹍
於是不知不覺地﹍總喜歡處處跟他爭強鬥勝﹍:P
所以誰也不肯先問對方名字﹍誰也不肯先提見面細節﹍

剛剛在線上看到一篇名為“香水”的小說﹍
我果然是浪漫的雙魚女子﹍
很想學著故事中的女主角在Dolce Vita的香水雨中走過﹍
如果那時他也在身旁﹍一定很甜蜜﹍:)



發信人: FlyinDance (輕舞飛揚)
標 題: 1997/12/30
日 期: Wed Nov 31 02:16:38 1997

在記錄今天的心情前﹍得先吁口氣﹍試著放鬆﹍
原本提醒自己11點前要回家的﹍這樣我才能及時完成今天的心得報告﹍:)
結果灰姑娘還是無法在午夜12點前回家﹍:P

今天凌晨在線上碰到他時﹍他說他感冒了﹍害我擔心了一下﹍
原來是他又在耍痞﹍哼!﹍真是的﹍:(

但他竟然開始暗示我該討論見面的細節了﹍
我好高興﹍:)
將近一個月的長期抗戰﹍我終於贏了﹍:)

為了小小地懲罰他讓我等了一個月之久﹍
我騙他說我長得並不可愛﹍:P
本想繼續逗他的﹍直到他說:“同是天涯沒貌人,相逢何必太龜毛”﹍
我才答應見他﹍:)

我們約在大學路的麥當勞﹍時間是晚上七點半﹍
好小氣的痞子﹍竟然捨不得請我吃一頓﹍:(
小雯說我該遲到個半小時﹍算是對男性幾千年的專制做出無言的抗議﹍
我才不要ㄌㄟ﹍我已經浪費了一個月的時間在等待﹍
我可不願意再多等待一分一秒﹍:)

我穿著去墾丁時的那套咖啡色系的衣褲﹍還有Cappuccino背包﹍
我要帶著那天的愉悅心情去跟他見面﹍:)
把單車停在NET店門口﹍然後我慢慢地走到麥當勞﹍

我一眼就認出藍色的他﹍他不僅全身藍色﹍連發呆的樣子也很藍色﹍
像是熟識的朋友般﹍我輕拍了一下他的肩膀﹍
因為我想看他回過頭來時﹍滿地找眼鏡碎片的模樣﹍:)
但他的眼鏡並沒有跌破﹍我想他一定是嚇呆了﹍:P

在麥當勞裏﹍我仔細地端詳著他﹍
他長得很斯文﹍但笑起來邪邪的﹍
果然有被稱為痞子的本錢﹍:)
他講話總喜歡加上手勢﹍好像說話的是他的手﹍而不是嘴巴﹍
咦?﹍在網路上的聊天不也是靠手嗎?﹍
因此有一段時間﹍我忘了我到底是置身於網路或是在現實之中?﹍

我們從盤古開天﹍聊到如何治癒狗的自閉症﹍
我很自然地和他談天說地﹍那種感覺像是在自言自語﹍
因為當我說話時﹍他總是靜靜地聆聽與在意﹍
我也很喜歡今晚見面聊天時的氣氛﹍就像坐在沙灘上﹍吹著涼涼的海風﹍
然後訴說著遠方漁船的故事一樣﹍很平淡也很輕鬆﹍

但我就是想考他﹍所以我掰出了一套“咖啡哲學”﹍
當我掰完後﹍我又看到了他那藍色的發呆表情﹍:)
沒想到他竟然也能掰出一套“流體力學”﹍
我發呆的樣子﹍像咖啡色的嗎?﹍

我開始覺得他不是一個虛幻的人﹍
他並不只是存活在虛幻的網路世界裏﹍
在現實生活中﹍他依然陽剛而堅強、溫柔卻深沉、敏感又多變﹍
我也覺得我的防禦工事﹍就像是構築在沙灘上的城堡﹍
根本經不起海浪的衝擊﹍
我在他面前﹍已不再好強﹍因為我徹底認輸了﹍
所以﹍我答應了他明天的邀約﹍

嗯﹍離三點一刻還有一個小時﹍還是再煮杯曼巴咖啡吧!﹍
我知道他那時一定也會上線﹍我不想讓他失望﹍更不想讓我失望﹍:P
小雯說這叫制約反應﹍她說我已經沒救了﹍:~
制約就制約吧!﹍反正我心甘情願﹍:)


發信人: FlyinDance (輕舞飛揚)
標 題: 1997/12/31
日 期: Thu Jan 1 06:03:52 1998

嗯﹍該用第二人稱的“你”﹍而非第三人稱的“他”了﹍
因為我決定讓你分享我內心最深處的秘密﹍:)

你果然如我預期般地在三點一刻上線﹍看來你也被我制約了ㄛ!﹍:)
只可惜我們下午還得去看電影﹍不然我們又可以像從前般聊到天亮﹍
趕快睡吧!﹍我可不想讓你看到我憔悴的模樣﹍:~

我在中午12點左右醒來﹍先洗個澡吧!
對女孩子而言﹍飯可以不吃﹍澡不可不洗﹍:P
我哼著歌﹍那使我想起開學那天在工學院路上的輕舞﹍:)
然而當我穿上衣服時﹍我卻看到了我右手臂上的紅斑﹍

我愣愣地看著那處紅斑﹍全身彷彿被凍僵﹍
在解凍後的那一剎那﹍我蹲在浴室裏﹍哭了起來﹍
原來過去這三個多月以來﹍我只能在網路裏FlyinDance﹍
並不能在現實生活中輕舞飛揚﹍
所以我決定聽媽的話﹍回到台北﹍對自己的生命負責﹍

擦乾了眼淚﹍待會你就來了﹍
今天我們要去看電影呢!﹍應該要愉快的﹍
可是為什麼要挑鐵達尼號呢?﹍我對悲劇一向是沒有抵抗力的啊!﹍

今天的天氣很好﹍台南的天氣一向如此﹍
我把臉蛋藏在你的身後﹍畢竟我已經沒有本錢再曬一點太陽了﹍
即使今天的陽光只是輕輕柔柔的。
坐在你的機車後座﹍我可以看到你耳後泛起的紅潮﹍
痞子﹍其實我和你一樣﹍耳根也會發燙﹍
然而這只有拂過我耳畔的風可以看見﹍
而你繞啊繞的﹍好像在找停車位﹍
但我知道﹍你只是想讓我多待在你身後一會﹍

我用髮夾綁了個馬尾﹍那是因為小雯說我臉型的弧線很迷人﹍
所以我不想讓我的長髮遮住我的臉﹍
痞子﹍我希望讓你永遠記住我現在最美麗的模樣﹍
因為過了今天﹍我也許就不再美麗了﹍

在排隊買票時﹍是我最接近你的時候﹍
我甚至希望我們就這樣一直排下去﹍買不到票也沒關係﹍
但我的右手臂不時地碰觸到你的左手臂﹍
我感覺到我右手臂上的紅斑正在冷笑著﹍

在南台戲院內﹍我終於克制不住我自己﹍
我突然發覺我就像Titanic一樣﹍即將沉沒在冰冷的海底﹍
親愛的Jack﹍你又該如何呢?﹍hate?﹍help?﹍hold?﹍
痞子﹍你並不浪漫﹍你不是那種會被虛構的愛情故事所感動的人﹍
除了Jack說了那句:
“Rose, listen to me.. Listen...
Winning that ticket was the best thing that ever happened to me..
It brought me to you... And I'm thankful, Rose... I'm thankful...”
這時我才看到你坐直身子﹍牽動了一下眉間和嘴角﹍
痞子﹍你知道嗎?﹍我也有同感﹍

你提醒我電影散場了﹍
沒錯﹍屬於我的電影已經散場﹍但屬於你的人生還是得繼續﹍
痞子﹍不是嗎?﹍

但我還是想自私地保留一些跟你有關的東西﹍
我要你在票根上簽名﹍痞子﹍你好笨﹍
那是我認輸的表示﹍我心裏希望你簽下你的本名﹍
這樣我以後的思念才會更具體﹍如果還有“以後”的話﹍
而且我才會更加確定﹍你並不只是存活在網路上﹍

痞子﹍我終於可以走在Dolce Vita的香水雨中﹍
謝謝你讓我體會“甜蜜的日子”的真諦﹍
但很抱歉﹍再見的話我說不出口﹍
而且既然從網路的mail開始﹍就應該以網路的mail結束﹍

距離我第一次mail給你的日子﹍也已經有三個多月了﹍
時間似乎不算短﹍但也不能以長來形容﹍
我們之間的故事是由我起頭的﹍所以也要由我來結束﹍
這叫“解鈴還需繫鈴人”﹍也叫“有始有終”﹍
痞子﹍這次我的成語用得對嗎?﹍

也許正如你所說的﹍網路雖然迅速,但並不完美﹍
我可以很快地寄給你我的思念﹍卻無法附上淚滴﹍
嗯﹍天快亮了﹍
待會再寄給你最後一封mail後﹍我就該走了﹍
現在的你﹍應該正在熟睡吧!﹍




看完她的mail,我的心情又像是坐了一次雲霄飛車..
但這次更緊張刺激..因為這台飛車還差點出軌..
我從她的日記裏,發現了隱藏在她聰明慧黠的談吐下..
竟然同樣也有顆柔情細膩的心..
我不禁想著..當初她在寫日記時..會想到日後有別人來閱讀她的心嗎?..
或者只是以網路世界裏的她為發信人..而以現實生活中的她為收信人?..
又或者是相反呢?..


連續兩個星期..我習慣以自我催眠的方式..
去面對每個想起她的清晨與黃昏,白天與黑夜。
我不斷地告訴我自己..她只能在虛幻的網路裏FlyinDance..
並不能在現實生活中輕舞飛揚..
希望能去掉這種錐心刺骨的悸動。
我也不斷地去逃避..逃避pc..逃避任何與咖啡色有關的東西..
把自己放縱在書海中..隱藏在人群裏..
希望能逃避這種刻骨銘心的感覺。
但我還是失敗了...


因為錐心刺骨和刻骨銘心,都有骨和心。
除非我昧著良心..除非我不認識刻在骨頭上的那些字..
我的催眠術才會成功。
但我卻是個識字且有良心的人...


原來我並非不思念她..我只是忘了那股思念所帶來的激動而已..
就像我不是不呼吸..我只是忘了我一直在呼吸而已..
呼吸可以暫時摒息,但卻無法不繼續。
所以..我決定去找小雯碰碰運氣..


那天是1998年1月15日..一早便下起了雨..台南的天氣開始變冷了..
是天氣的緣故吧!..我按門鈴的手一直顫抖著..
『請問小雯在嗎?..』
《This is 小雯 speaking..May I have your name?..》
『我..我..我是痞子..』
實在不知道該怎麼形容我的名字..
jht她不知道..我老爸給的名字她也沒聽過..只好這樣說了..


《Just a minute!..I go down right now!..》
沒多久..我聽到一聲關門的巨響..
然後是一陣急促且匆忙的腳步聲..
阿泰有一套在武俠小說裏所形容的接暗器的方法..叫“聽聲辨位”..
像這種類似放鹽水蜂炮的腳步聲..應該是B型的女孩子..


小雯隨便綁了個馬尾..而且還沒用髮帶或髮夾..只用條橡皮筋..
長相如何倒也來不及細看..因為男生的目光很容易被她的胸圍所吸引..
更狠的是..她還穿緊身的衣服...使我的眼睛死無葬身之地..
如果是阿泰來形容的話..他會說那叫“呼之欲出”..


《你就是痞子?..》
她仔細打量著我..滿臉狐疑..
『Yes...This is 痞子 speaking..』
我學她講話..也許會讓她對我有親切感..
《她在這裏..》
說完後給了我一張字條..上面寫著“榮總”..和一間病房號碼..
我愣愣地看著她..不過這次的目光往上移了25公分..停留在她的眼睛上..
《在發什麼呆?..還不給我趕快去看她!..》
『這是...?..』
《Shut up!..別囉唆了..快去!..還有台北比較冷..記得多穿幾件衣服..》


“砰”的一聲..她關上了公寓大門..
然後又是一陣鹽水蜂炮聲..
小雯恐怕不僅是B型..而是B+型..
下次要跟阿泰報這個明牌..讓他們去兩虎相爭一番..


我聽了小雯的話..多帶了幾件衣服..
不過不是因為我擔心台北比較冷..而是因為我不知道要去多久?..
我打了通電話給在台北工作的老妹..告訴她我要去住幾天..
她問我為什麼?..我說我要去找一隻美麗的蝴蝶..


我搭上11點40分遠航往台北的班機..
我想兩個星期前..她一定也搭同樣的班次..
一上飛機..我立刻繫了安全帶..倒不是因為今天的空中小姐很ugly..
而是我已不再相信有任何美麗的空中小姐..身上會有與她類似的香味..


下了飛機..迎接我的..是另一種與台南截然不同的天氣..
幸好台南今天也下雨..所以台北對我而言..只是比較冷而已..
我在老妹的辦公室裏..卸下了行李..
然後坐上277號公車..在榮總下了車..


我進了病房..她正在熟睡著..我靜靜地看著她..
她長長的頭髮斜斜地散在棉被外面..我並沒有看到可以稱為咖啡色的頭髮..
她的臉型變得稍圓..不再具有以前那種美麗的弧線..
而她的臉頰及鼻樑已經有像蝴蝶狀分佈的紅斑..
但不管她變成如何..她仍然是我心目中那隻最美麗的蝴蝶..


她長長的睫毛輕輕地跳動著..應該正在作夢吧!?..
她夢到什麼呢?..
工學院路上的輕舞?..麥當勞裏的初會?..南台戲院內的鐵達尼號?..
還是勝利路巷口的香水雨?..


病房內愈來愈暗..
我想去開燈..因為我不想讓她孤單地躺在陰暗的病房裏..
但我又怕突如其來的光亮..會吵醒她的美夢..
正在為難之際..她的眼睛慢慢地睜了開來..


她張大了眼睛怔怔地看著我..
然後突然轉過身去..我只看到她背部偶而抽搐著..
她變得更瘦了..而我也終於可以用“弱不禁風”這種形容詞來形容她..
過了很久..大概是武俠小說裏所說的一柱香時間吧!..
她才轉過身來..用手揉了揉眼睛..淺淺地笑著..


「痞子..你來啦!..」
『是ㄚ!..今天天氣真好..對吧!?..』
「對ㄚ!..今天太陽也很圓..不是嗎?..呵呵..」
這是我們去看鐵達尼號那天..她坐在我機車後的對白..
只是她不知道..台北今天下雨..根本沒出太陽..


「痞子..你坐ㄚ!..幹嘛一直站著?..」
經她提醒..我才找張椅子坐下..
在舉步之間..我才發覺雙腳的痲痹..因為我已經站了幾個鐘頭了..
「痞子..你瘦了ㄛ!..」
她真厲害..竟然“先下手為強”..我才有資格說這句話吧!?..


「痞子..肚子餓了嗎?..中午有吃嗎?..」
「醫院的伙食不太好..所以病人通常會比較瘦..」
「其它的都還好..不過不能在線上跟你聊天實在是件很無聊的事..」
「痞子..論文寫完了嗎?..今年可以畢業嗎?..」
等等..躺在病床上的人是妳不是我ㄋㄟ..怎麼都是妳在問問題呢?..


不過..我也沒什麼好問的..因為我只是來看她..不是來滿足好奇心的..
也許我該學著電影說出一些深情的對白。
但我終究不是浪漫的人..
而且畢竟那是電影,而這是人生..
我只希望她能早點離開這間令人窒息的醫院..回到純樸的台南..
這次我絕對不會讓她一個人漫步在成功校區的工學院路上..
我會一直陪著她..只要不叫我跳舞的話..


過沒多久..她媽媽便來看她了..
50歲左右的年紀..略胖的身材..除了明朗的笑容外..跟她並不怎麼相像..
『嗯..我該走了..伯母再見..』
「你..你..」
她突然坐起身子..像是受到一陣驚嚇..
『我明天還會再來..明天的明天也是..直到妳離開這裏..』


在回到老妹的住處前..我先去買瓶Christian Dior的 Dolce Vita..
我買最大瓶的..這次要讓她灑到手酸也灑不完..
老妹笑嘻嘻的說..自家兄妹,何需如此多禮..
我告訴她..『妳說得對..所以這不是買給妳的..』
我想要不是因為我們擁有同樣一個娘親..
她恐怕會罵出台灣人耳熟能詳的三字真言了..


當天晚上..我一直無法入眠..
台北的公雞是不敢亂叫的..所以我只能偶而睜開眼睛瞥一下窗外的天色..
在第一道陽光射進窗內後..我離開了溫暖的被窩..
我坐上taxi..因為我不想多浪費時間在等277號公車上..
進了病房..她正在看一本小說..
封面上有個清秀的女子畫像..但比她略遜一籌..


「痞子..你終於來了..等你好久..」
『妳昨晚睡得好嗎?..』
「我不敢睡得太沉..因為你來了也不會叫醒我..」
『那妳再睡一會?..』
「呵呵..你既然來了..我就更加睡不著了..」


我送給她那瓶Dolce Vita..約好她出院那天在榮總大門灑它個痛快..
她問我小雯美嗎?..我說她太辣了..對眼睛不好..
不過阿泰喜歡吃辣..可以讓他們去自相殘殺..
然後她又問我台南的天氣好嗎?..我並沒有告訴她..
她離開後的台南..天氣一直不曾好過..
說著說著..她就睡著了..


我不敢凝視著她..因為她的臉上有一隻蝴蝶..
昨晚離開前..我才知道她得的是紅斑性狼瘡..俗稱叫蝴蝶病..
但我喜歡的是一隻能自在飛舞的咖啡色蝴蝶..
而不是停在她臉上伴著蒼白膚色的這隻紅色蝴蝶..
況且不能飛舞的蝴蝶還能算是蝴蝶嗎?..


「痞子..你幹嘛一直看著我..而且又不說話?..」
我也說不上來..
因為我發覺她愈來愈虛弱..這讓我有股不詳的預感..


「痞子...我很渴ㄋㄟ...想喝點東西..」
我絕不會在此時離開妳半步的。
電影“新不了情”裏,劉青雲到太平山去幫袁詠儀買紅豆糕回來後..
就沒來得及看到袁詠儀的最後一面。
我不笨,所以我不會下這種賭注的。
『妳在學電影情節把我支開嗎?..』


「痞子..電影是電影..人生是人生..」
電影如何?..人生又如何?..
在電影“鐵達尼號”裏..Jack要沉入冰冷的海底前..
用最後一口氣告訴Rose:“You must do me this honor..
promise me you will survive.. that you will never give up..
no matter what happens.. no matter how hopeless.. promise me now..
and never let go of that promise...”。
結果呢?..Rose老時還不是照樣鬆手..而把“海洋之心”丟入海裏..
而在真實人生中,為了拍“鐵達尼號”,Rose刻意增胖..
戲拍完後,還不是因為無法恢復成以前的身材,而放棄減肥..
所以電影和人生其實是有相當大的關連性..
『妳不是剛喝過水了?..又想喝什麼?..』


「痞子..我又渴了嘛!..我現在要喝曼巴咖啡..」
這裏是醫院ㄋㄟ..到那裏去煮曼巴咖啡?..
而且咖啡這種刺激性飲料..畢竟對身體不好..
『咖啡不好吧..喝點別的..好嗎?..』


「痞子..你也知道咖啡不好..所以請你以後少喝點..好嗎?..」
我看著她嘴角泛起的笑意,以及眼神中的狡黠..
我才知道她拐這麼多彎就是希望我以後少喝點咖啡。
我心裏彷彿受到一股重擊..
不行了..鼻子突然感受到一股PH值小於7的氣息..
再不平靜下來,也許淚水會決堤。
我是學水利工程的,防洪是我吃飯的傢伙..
絕不能讓水流越過堤防而漫淹..即使只是淚水。
『好..我答應妳..我儘量不喝咖啡..』


「那順便答應我以後不要熬夜..」
「還有以後別日夜顛倒了..」
「還有早餐一定要吃..」
「還有別太刻意偏愛藍色...那會使你看起來很憂鬱..」
「還有.....」
氣氛突然變得很奇怪..好像有點在交待後事的感覺..
我不想讓她繼續,只好說:
『我去幫妳倒杯水吧!..免得妳口渴..』


「痞子...飲水機遠嗎?...如果遠我就不喝水了..」
從這裏到置放飲水機的轉角,男人平均要走67步,女人則要85步..
加上裝水的時間,平均只要花1.8至2.1分鐘..不算遠。
『不會的..很近..』


「痞子..趕快回來..我不想一個人..好嗎?..我很怕孤單..」
我這次沒有回答。
低著頭,加快了腳步....




X X X X

《痞子..吃宵夜去吧!...學弟請吃鵝肉..》
是阿泰在叫我。
三更半夜裏,很多研究生都會相約一起出去吃點東西。
有時會喝點酒,因為大家都有一肚子的悲憤。
以前我常喝酒,但這兩個月來倒是都不喝了。


『等我10分鐘..我喝杯咖啡..』
到今天為止,輕舞飛揚已經離開我快兩個月了。
我總是在每天深夜的三點一刻..上了線,關掉所有的Page..
讓 jht 靜靜地陪著 FlyinDance 10分鐘。
雖然現實生活中的她,已不再能輕舞飛揚..
但我仍然希望網路世界裏的她,能繼續 Flying in Dancing..
阿泰常罵我傻..人都走了,還幹這種無聊事做啥?..
可是即使她已不在人世,我仍然不忍心讓她的靈魂覺得孤單..
因為她說過的..她怕孤單...


《痞子..你不是戒掉咖啡了嗎?..》
阿泰好奇地問著。
其實我一直記得那晚她的囑付..所以從那時起,我也就不再喝咖啡了。
但今夜的我,卻有一股想喝咖啡的衝動..而且我要多煮一杯給她。
因為今天是3月15..她滿22歲的日子...


我記得1月17那天..台北的雨下得好大..
當我趕到榮總時..他們告訴我說..
凌晨三點一刻..從醫院裏飛走了一隻咖啡色的蝴蝶..
然後我就什麼也不記得了..
我只知道我在277號公車的站牌下..站了一整天..
小雯說得沒錯..台北實在好冷..
老妹就比較笨了..竟然問我為何臉上會這麼濕?..
難道她不知道那天台北的雨實在很大?..


這兩個月以來,我很努力地不去想起她。
畢竟飯還是得吃,覺還是得睡,課還是得上,論文還是得趕。
我希望自己不會無時無刻地想起她,而這種希望..
就好像我希望天空不是藍色的;
就好像我希望樹木不是綠色的;
就好像我希望星星不在黑夜裏閃耀;
就好像我希望太陽不在白天時高照。
基本上,我是在希望一種不會發生的情況。
沒想到在現實生活中,我還是扮演著第二種人的角色。


而我哭過嗎?..
No way!..我說過了,我是防洪工程的高手..
將來長江三峽下游的防洪措施,搞不好我還會參與。
如果心裏一有pH值小於7的感覺,我就會趕緊上線去看joke板..
讓一些無聊低級黃色的笑話,轉移我的注意力。
所以一切都跟去年9月多以前還沒遇見她時一樣..
阿泰仍然風流多情,而我依舊乏味無趣。
只是研究室窗外的那隻野貓,似乎都不叫了...


上了線,關掉Page,準備去飲水機裝水煮咖啡..
三樓的飲水機壞了,只好到二樓去裝水。
在等待盛水的時間裏,我看到了一封放在研究生信箱的信件。
我是博士班的學生,信箱在三樓..二樓是碩士班研究生的信箱。
信封外面的收件地址只寫:成大水利工程研究所..
而收件人更怪,寫的是:“痞子蔡”。


我想不出系上還有那一個人有這種天怒人怨的綽號..
所以應該是寄給我的信。
我拆開一看,裏面有張信紙..還有另外一個咖啡色的信封。
信上寫的是:


“ 蔡同學你好:

我是輕舞飛揚的室友。很抱歉,我並不知道你的大名。
我也不方便稱呼你為痞子,因為這是她的專利。
前幾天她家人整理她的遺物時,發現了這封咖啡色的信,託我轉交。
我只知道你的系所,只得硬著頭皮,碰碰運氣了。
也許輕舞飛揚在天之靈會保佑你發現這封信。
那麼,祝你幸運了...

小雯 ”


信是在一個多月前寄的。
我想小雯在寫這封信時,一定掉了很多眼淚..
因為信紙上到處是濕了又乾的痕跡。
而那封咖啡色的信,信封上有著另一種娟秀的字體..
寫著..“To:痞子蔡(我的青蛙王子)”...
這是我第一次看到輕舞飛揚的字跡。
沒想到她的字,也會輕輕地舞著..


我忍住顫抖的手,慢慢地拆開這封咖啡色的信。
裏面有張照片和南台戲院1997年12月31日下午2點20分11排13號的票根..
票根上在“痞子蔡”的簽名旁..她又簽下了“輕舞飛揚”。
另外還有一張藍色的信紙..
信紙上有我熟悉的Dolce Vita香水味道..


照片上的她,站在一片青綠的草原上。
並穿著我們第一次見面時的那套咖啡色系的衣服..
也就是像炭燒咖啡的鞋襪..像摩卡咖啡的小喇叭褲..像藍山咖啡的毛線衣..
還背著那個像Cappuccino咖啡的背包..
照片後面寫著:


“ Dear jht:

咖啡色是雙魚的我..藍色是天蠍的你..
咖啡色的信封內裝著藍色的信紙..知道我的意思了嗎?..:)
看到我這杯香濃的咖啡..你會想喝嗎?..
口水千萬要吸住..別滴下來ㄛ!..:P

FlyinDance ”


我閃過一絲苦澀的笑容。
我想我會滴下來的,應該不是口水。
而藍色信紙的內容很簡單:


“ 如果我還有一天壽命,那天我要做你女友。
我還有一天的命嗎?..沒有。
所以,很可惜。我今生仍然不是你的女友。

如果我有翅膀,我要從天堂飛下來看你。
我有翅膀嗎?..沒有。
所以,很遺憾。我從此無法再看到你。

如果把整個浴缸的水倒出,也澆不熄我對你愛情的火燄。
整個浴缸的水全部倒得出嗎?..可以。
所以,是的。我愛你...


輕舞飛揚 ”


我的胸口很輕易地被撕裂..眼淚迅速地如洪水般潰決我的防洪工程。
驕傲無情的我..再也抵擋不住滿臉的淚水..
她終於也改了我的plan..並討回了我積欠她的..
兩個月的淚水...


後來奧斯卡金像獎揭曉..“鐵達尼號”囊括最佳影片等11項大獎。
但是Rose並沒有拿到奧斯卡最佳女主角獎..
連老Rose也是一樣..與奧斯卡最佳女配角獎擦身而過。
原來在電影裏悲慘的,在人生中也未必不倒霉。
而現實生活中的Jack,到底應不應該對Rose“Never let go”呢?..
也許他不必擔心這個問題..
因為那隻美麗的咖啡色蝴蝶..永遠在他心中翩翩飛舞著......


jht. 于 1998/5/29


~ The End ~

-----------------



我輕輕地舞著,在靜謐的天堂之中。

天使們投射過來異樣的眼神。

詫異也好,欣賞也罷。

並不曾使我的舞步凌亂。

因為令我飛揚的,不是天使們的目光。

而是我的青蛙王子。